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cleanSlate · #21 09-14-2021, 06:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

Any or all three of these would make a great Christmas or birthday gift to your ex.

OK. I have read a bit about your ex.
Might they say that you sending the books is you trying to control them?

I am being serious here, high-conflict people suck.

Brampton33 · #22 09-14-2021, 07:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cleanSlate

Might they say that you sending the books is you trying to control them?

The same way mentioned Parenting 101 to Iona, one may say you would benefit from Humour 101 or Sarcasm 101. One must be able to not be so rigid in order to recognize jokes/humour when its presented to them.

Brampton33 · #23 09-15-2021, 10:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

However, with a high conflict ex, get ready for other ways that they try to create conflict, even during when all exchanges are school exchanges.

For example, I send kids to school with nice clothes that fit. Its guaranteed that on the days that I pick up the kids, they are in clothes far too small and meant for the trash. Whereby I cannot bring myself to send kids back to school on her pickup day with the same clothes she put on.

Another example, is the tupperware hoarding in lunches. I send kids to school with tupperware in lunches. When I pick up kids, there is no tupperware to be found. I am constantly re-stocking my tupperware rather than having to deal with her.

Lastly, I send kids to school on a rainy day with rain gear, so the stuff ends up at her place if its her pickup day. Guaranteed I won't see that stuff again. My ex does not bother to look at the weather for the next day to see if I may need the rain gear back. And so on and so on....

This thread got side-tracked by criticism rather than helpfulness. Any advice on how to deal with the above-noted pettiness (when exchanges done through school) would be appreciated.

rockscan · #24 09-15-2021, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

This thread got side-tracked by criticism rather than helpfulness. Any advice on how to deal with the above-noted pettiness (when exchanges done through school) would be appreciated.

There isn�t. As many posters will tell you, you have to just grin and bear it until the kids are old enough to assist or tell the other parent off.

I remember the look on my mother�s face when I told her enough was enough and I had had it with her petty bullshit.

cleanSlate · #25 09-17-2021, 11:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

This thread got side-tracked by criticism rather than helpfulness. Any advice on how to deal with the above-noted pettiness (when exchanges done through school) would be appreciated.

I am confused.
Iona didn't bring up those items.
that stuff is a whole new thread.

Brampton33 · #26 09-17-2021, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cleanSlate

I am confused.
Iona didn't bring up those items.
that stuff is a whole new thread.

The thread topic is "transitioning child between 2 homes". My question was how to address pettiness being played by ex as part of transitioning between 2 homes. Completely on topic with original poster and relevant.

Do you have anything insightful to suggest in response to my question? Otherwise, please refrain from responding as I do not have time or energy to deal with childish behaviours.

cleanSlate · #27 09-17-2021, 07:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

The thread topic is "transitioning child between 2 homes". My question was how to address pettiness being played by ex as part of transitioning between 2 homes. Completely on topic with original poster and relevant.

Do you have anything insightful to suggest in response to my question? Otherwise, please refrain from responding as I do not have time or energy to deal with childish behaviours.

Really, it is Iona's thread and she is not having difficulty exchanging items here.

Her concern is about good routine and habits for the kids, transitioning the kids routine, a 4 year old.

You high-jacked a thread about routines and are making it about items. This is a completely different subject, you are dealing with someone that is purposely screwing you over; she is dealing with different parenting styles.

Just saying....yes this is helpful...separate things and don't let problems bleed into each other because if you do it becomes a bigger and unsolvable mess. compartmentalize.

mamabear1234 · #28 09-21-2021, 10:15 PM

Put the iPad away for awhile and don't send it to Dad's. Unless it's his of course. But seriously - I find a lot of young kids really can't handle the technology. It's like crack cocaine to them.

InsideOut · #29 02-14-2022, 03:23 PM

I think it�s not about the iPad, it sounds like your child is having trouble adjusting to having two homes.

Here are somethings you might try:
- Read the book, Helping Your Anxious Child: a Step-by-Step Guide for Parents. It comes with a workbook. Work through the activities with your child. It�s a really good workbook. I think a lot of the guidance in the book is good at showing you how your own reaction sometimes unintentionally fuels the child�s behaviour.
- Read the book, the power of habit. Really read it and put in place habit loops.
- Establish transition routine cues, always do x on the way to dads and y on the way back.
- Make photo albums for your child that have pictures with them and family members from both homes.
- Draw with your child and draw two homes with family members from both homes.
- Buy two sets of matching pyjamas, bed sheets, etc so your child feels the transition less
- get your child a therapist that works with other children from separated families and take her weekly so that she has someone to help her develop the skills needed to cope.
- Read the two homes book to your child.
- Read the five love languages of children.
- Get a therapist for yourself, so you can be consistently patient even in the face of trying scenarios.

In summary, sometimes it�s easier to think of the role your ex plays in how your child is behaving, but a more productive path is to focus on the things in your own scope of control. And by focusing on skill building that helps your child develop skills that will help them cope with the new reality.

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