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Does Talking Help? Ever.

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  • Does Talking Help? Ever.

    Hi All,
    Divorce support... I wish I had have had some while it was happening. At this point I'm not even sure what type of support I need. When it happened I was in a state of shock, depression, etc.. and had no protection from the people that I trusted most... my ex and my own lawyers. I went into court based solely on the advise given to me through the Lawyer Referral Service only to find that the lawyer I gave all of the info to was representing my ex. If that wasn't bad enough my own lawyer had me sign off rights to my home for a bunch of agreements made and then withdrew the agreements before it went in front of the judge without my knowledge. LOL. Wasn't even able to get help enforcing the slim pickings that were left in the agreement. My world is such a mess right now that I've considered suicide a lot but figure there isn't much point since I haven't eaten in so long it probably won't matter much longer. Anyway, just searched for people who have been through it... don't know what else to do.
    Thanks for listening.
    Sherry

  • #2
    Hi Sherry,

    I'm so sorry to hear about what you've been going through.

    First and foremost, have you considered attending counselling? Going through a divorce/separation is extremely draining physically, emotionally and mentally, and it is very difficult to rebuild after such a tough experience.

    I think chatting with the members that have gone through the same kind of situation may help alleviate a lot of the pain and stress you're feeling. I am certain that you aren't alone, and I know that a lot of our members would be more than happy to talk things through with you.

    I know it's easier said than done, but please keep your chin up! There is always a light at the end of the tunnel.

    Lindsay

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    • #3
      Thank you for answering... its more than I've been able to expect for so long. Right now I see a "doctor"... for depression and other things. Talking to her doesn't really help. Was wondering if talking ever really does. After everything that happened its hard to trust that anything ever will.

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      • #4
        does talking help

        You are not alone ( unfortunately ). If you would like to send me a private message please feel free to do so!!
        Maybe if we compare our horror stories we might feel slightly better.

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        • #5
          Hold on tight areadydid3, there can be a light at the end of the tunnel. I too am a survivor of domestic abuse. I urge you to get to a women's shelter as soon as possible so they can direct and help you find resources to help you.

          As for councelling it absolutely works, but you have to sick it out. Sometimes finding a counselor is like trying on shoes, you need to try on a few pairs before you find the right fit. PLEASE don't give up. There is hope. And please keep posting here, it is a great place to vent your frustrations and get the support you both need and deserve.

          As for the lawyers, you should report him/her to the Law Society.

          I will be praying for you.

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          • #6
            Law Society.... been there on the advice of my doctor, Legal Aid, every agency available....
            Their take on the situation was that even though the lawyer from the Lawyer Referral Service taking my ex as a client after already advising me in length was unethical... it wasn't illegal so there was nothing they could do but tell him it was unethical.
            As for my own lawyer's party to the situation... the Law Society said that my lawyer was working "under" someone else so may have been acting on good faith so they saw no point in pursuing the matter. In other words... no one is accountable as far as the law goes and we should suck it up.

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            • #7
              Welcome to the Club

              A survivor has reached the turning point that a victim still cannot see. Reaching that turning point and making the commitment to change their life marks the place in time where one becomes a survivor and refuses to be a victim any longer. That doesn't mean it's easy; that doesn't mean a survivor wakes up one day and suddenly everything is "a piece of cake" and perfectly clear. We still need support; we still have to heal many emotional traumas from a myriad of abuses. We still have to sort out a lot of confusion in our own minds. But that turning point means we see our own mental captivity as a victim and refuse to tolerate it any longer. A survivor breaks free of abuse.

              Many (not all, but many) survivors do one other thing, sooner or later: They go back to help others. They take what knowledge they have and their experiences and start sharing with others. They reach out to victims with a helping hand. They try to help society understand the problem. They support every "young survivor" (any person who has just crossed that same turning point) with hope, understanding and the support they so desperately need.

              I will always believe very strongly that being a survivor of domestic violence means being a former victim, and having moved on by putting the perpetrator behind them.

              Sunday, remember this post. I pass the touch on too you to help out our new friend. I'll still here if you need any help.
              Alreadydid3, your going to be OK
              Grace

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              • #8
                I was a victim but only of my own stupidity.... trust. Trusting my ex would do the right thing for our daughter since he wasn't there for so many years. Trusting the lawyer at the Lawyer Referral Service. Trusting that my own lawyer was there to fight for our rights. When I finally decided to stop being a victim... stop trusting... stop shutting up and accepting it... the only advice I was able to get is to shut up and accept it. LOL. Vicious circle and there should be some sort of time frame because someone faced with shock and depression shouldn't have to deal with this type of thing alone.

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                • #9
                  welcome to the club

                  Thank you Grace for all your support!! Your wisdom and careing words are very soothing for me!

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                  • #10
                    Please don't put yourself down!! Please don't look back...only forward!! You will get through this tragedy...baby steps.
                    Talk, talk and more talk is not only necessary but it is an essential part of the healing process. My friends and family are so tired of listening to me ( bless their hearts ) but they understand!! Do you have a pet? This may sound silly but having a dog is very therapeutic.
                    Hang in there...you will have good days to look forward to!!

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                    • #11
                      Too early in the morning...I did not title my previous post. Alreadydid3 I hope you visit this forum every day. Everybody is so helpful!

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                      • #12
                        Alreadydid3,

                        Sorry to hear about your circumstances.

                        Fear tends to grip some people when going through a seperation/divorce, cause they don't know what lyes ahead ... but if you slowly and patiently move one foot ahead of another ... slowly you will emerge from the haze and fog and see with clarity of what life still has to offer. I call the experience of seperation, and quoting form me faithful book "Valley of the shawdow of death" ... it can feel hopeless, one feels lost, dazed, confused, tired, scared ... but the good book also say "As I TRAVEL" meaning that the seperation and all that it entails will come to and end. It always does, life is ever changing.

                        Just as our bodies offer proof of what can happen over time (they age), our circumstances are goverened by the same universal laws ... they change. When someone finds themselves in dark times, guess what? Yep, life applies it's universal laws and eventually, one finds themselves in the light (happiness).

                        You have a God given gift ... trust. Hang onto that gift, the other side detests it and will do whatever it takes to take it away from you! If you hang onto trust, you will attract other people who are trusting as well, in time. I know a thing or two about trust, cause like you, I am a very trusting person, by faith.

                        As for being a victim of STUPIDITY. You aint stupid. You are learning and experiencing life. Heck, I'm several decades young, do I know ALL, no. Am I stupid because of it, no. It's our circumstances that help us to learn and grow ... in time, you'll come to realize you are greater than what you appear to be!

                        You hang in there, we truly care about what you're going through and can relate cause, we all are or are about to go through what you are experiencing.

                        Hubby

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                        • #13
                          hang in there - I'm working on the day to day stuff myself - I too was in an unhealthy relationship where physical abuse was not used - everything else was and I had cut myself off from everyone I could trust because of the shame of "being stupid" and I attempted to take my life. I'm starting to say to myself I'm worth being here and I can contribute - although it's hard because of the process which keeps him in my life - I've reached out to friends again and my family now knows - getting rid of secrets helps to get rid of feeling "stupid". There are a lot of councellors out there - I found one that is helping me feel empowered - I have to for my daughter, I don't want her to be treated as I was - but also for myself - I actually bought myself a pair of PJs - huge step - it's ok to have something - hope I'm making sense, it's still a relatively new feeling after 14 years. And getting a pet is a wonderful thing - it's unconditional love and trust - I understand trusting is hard - I won't be able to trust like I had before but I will, just differently.

                          take care

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                          • #14
                            alreadydid3

                            I can hear the pain and anguish in your words. My heart goes out to you -sincerely. If I knew that you were in my area I would be more than happy to help you out; whether buying you a few groceries or taking you to a movie to 'escape' I would. I've have been involved with this garbage for many years now and it's a brutal system. I've been through all the hoops and twists and turns, just like you and they expect the victims to smile, stay strong and contine with a smile at all times--that's not human or humane. It's so wrong.
                            Best of everything to you. Are there any churches in your area because they'll do more for you than any complaint avenue-why, because they do it out of compasion not because they're getting paid. Keep posting. God bless.

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                            • #15
                              I wanted to thank you all for answering. When it happened everyone's advice seemed to be "oh well, happens everyday. Get over it.".... I got used to just not talking at all because no one wanted to hear anything other than "I'm fine."

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