SC's, Motions and Trial's.. Oh My!

[Headwaters1]

Fair enough. That should be an extremely awkward meeting with the family Dr. and ex. But you're correct...pretty hard to say Im unreasonable after that.

Ha we should write a book about awkward meetings. I have had so many of those in the past three years. Dentists, doctors, school, parents at birthday parties - they have all heard wild slander before I get to meet them.

The best was when she arrived 15 minutes early to the first teacher interview. Then when I walk in the room and there is a freeze on conversation. Panicked looks.

I can only imagine it was all about how she is a sufferer of verbal abuse and she had to flee for her life etc. Because the looks I get from the professionals is amazing...like I'm Charles Manson.

Then I just sit down, unfazed (or as best as I can fake it), and participate like a normal human being. Smile, say hi, shake hands...tell them how I'm looking forward to S5 starting school. Then when I mention S5's older brother from another marriage who I have had joint with for the past nine years....you see them go "oh okay...something isn't quite right here this her version of the story".

I have been numbed to any embarrassment...I think it's actually healthy. I think they call it character building. Hell at 40 what do I care what anyone thinks of me anyways.

But yes awkward....

[rockscan]

Your doctor knows you. Plus, youve probably briefed them on the situation. Go in there with one thing in mind: your daughters best interests. Let your ex spin her web of lies (if she shows) and make a fool of herself. You dont have to consent to anyone else being there but her. Its not unreasonable for privacy reasons to reject any other party. You showed up alone, she can go alone. I have a feeling she will refuse to show because she cant get the doc on side. Then its one more instance of her being unreasonable and NOT working in the best interest of her child.

[LovingFather32]

Well, ex responded that she could not attend the appointment but that she's 100% on board if I could get her a referral to a child psychologist/psychiatrist. She said she would give any authorization needed.

So guess Im going without her tomorrow.

[stripes]

Well, that makes it simpler then. See the doctor, give as neutral as possible an account of ex's concerns, ask about referral to child psychiatrist, thank doctor, leave. Should take about ten minutes.

(You may wish to ask doctor for a follow-up letter ("I met with Dad on this date to discuss the following concerns about Kid: A, B, C, D, E. My recommendation was for XYZ") to show Mom, so you have it in writing from the doctor that the issues were discussed in an appropriate manner).

[arabian]

Don't respond to your ex. You opened the door for her and she slammed it shut. Do not be fooled by her grandiose support of daughter being referred for psychological assessment. IMO it is a ruse. Like Mr. T. says - she can't control/manipulate this so she won't participate.

[MrToronto]

Because Goldilocks excused herself from participating then you need that list she's been telling you about ..that you apparently already know???is D3's problems

You don't see any problems with D3 ...so get that list from Goldilocks IN WRITING.

Don't be put in the position to SPECULATE on what Goldilocks thinks is D3's problems because Goldilocks will pick and choose what to DENY.

She's already setting it up to say the doc referral and the later shrink sessions were biased by you.

Goldilocks was supposed to be the concerned parent.....she's so concerned about her issues she "rain checks" the first step....diagnosis

Goldilocks is a welfare bum having endless time.....so it's a game.

1) I'm sorry you can't make the appointment, will you provide a few dates when you will be available so I can schedule.

2) I'd like a complete list of your D3 concerns in writing.. for my files

3) Dr. SOnSO in all fairness needs to hear from both parents to make a proper assessment actually I agree with OCL D3 is happy girl so your input is crucial here.

[LovingFather32]

Good idea Mr. T. I do need that list. She's been very good at keeping that on the down low. It's been months since she said anything about a nightmare or co-sleeping. So how are the behaviors evolving? Worsening? Improving? What is she currently doing to try to improve them? (besides trying to get her to speak with DV witness counselor's)

Why hasn't she been to her pediatrician for a referral or some kind of letter saying D3 has issues? Should that have not been an important step for her to take if her concerns were that vast?

She's probably tickled pink that Im doing this because she feels that its usable in court. ..... that I took her for a referral. I hope she knows that I have everything nicely and neatly documented that I see zero issues.

I've been getting these emotional rants and threats that she will cut all communication if I'm not on board with therapy. So damn controlling. I feel like communication is important for D3's sake (as hard as it is). There's just a battle at every corner. Good news is my skins getting thicker each and every week.

And .. she invited me to her house again to pick up D3 today. Never in writing though (although on recording).

It does say something though right? That I went out of my way to help her with issues that I don't even see? That I'm willing to have her speak to a professional (even with my terrible experiences with OCL) just to help ex out on her parenting time. Why the hell would you not come and participate? All that moaning, groaning and complaining about her issues .. .then refuse to accept help when I offer? Interesting.

[Beachnana]

Maybe I missed something here, hard to keep up. But if you do not see any problems and she, for some unexplained reason, will not come to a doctors appointment to explain what she is experiencing then why are you going? You are only acting on what she has written in a book, you have not experienced this first hand. Seems strange that you would do this if she does not come.

[LovingFather32]

Beach

Thought it was the reasonable thing to do. Her argument in court will be that I'm not cooperative/controlling, etc for not giving any authorization for help for D3.
This will be a hallmark for her case. I'm in the process of shutting this part of her case down.

It's went from "He wont help D3 or sign anything to help her" to .."he's doing everything possible to help her (even though he sees no issues) but I cant rearrange my busy schedule to help her now".

[LovingFather32]

So I got some stuff in communication book regarding her concerns.

Comm. book: (Exact wording)

The major concerns that you can mention to your Dr. is the needing to sleep with me at night all the time. Also, her troubles with emotions like sadness and anger. Comes out of nowhere sometimes and not wanting to discuss things that bother her. (This is getting a bit better).

So . no transitions? (which is the initial reason she wanted D3 to speak with someone).

Anger/sadness? She's 3. Also, why is she angry and sad there and not here? What are the antecedents (what occurred just prior to an outburst) .. what are the exact behaviors and consequences for those behaviors. This info would help tremendously.

I told her that I could reschedule a time she could be there and she told me just to give the Dr. her phone # and that she could meet alone with him. Can anyone guess where THATS GOING?

Well, Im off to see the doc in about an hour. We'll see what he says.
Why does she sleep alone here and not there?

[arabian]

I believe your ex is simply demonstrating that she will not co-parent with you.

She refuses to be present with you and daughter at appointment with physician and expects you to "pass along her concerns" to the physician. Ain't she just Mother of the Year material?

The upside of this is that, like her previous allegations against you, her current statements about her daughter are insignificant and lack credibility. This seems to be a common denominator for your ex.

This is all good stuff for your case. Maybe schedule a follow-up appointment and invite your ex to attend that one as well. That will "seal the deal" nicely. I think of the saying "give them enough rope and they will hang themselves" at this time.

[rockscan]

Oh man this is such bs. My partners ex INSISTED on their youngest "cosleeping" with her for years. Guess where she sleeps now? Still in moms bed. A family member was pulling a similar "cosleeping" thing until the doctor and her husband put their foot down and got tough. She WANTS her to sleep with her. As for emotions...NORMAL. Kids at three-four have a hard time expressing themselves and understanding their emotions.

Shes just using all this crap. So great, get her in to see a child psychologist who helps her manage her developmental milestones. Then after six months youll have a report from a trusted medical professional saying what behaviours they are witnessing, youll be following all the terms the psych lays out and not notice any weird behaviours and mom wont and will still complain. Who is a judge going to believe? A professional with a plan and a parent following that plan and seeing improvement or a parent who refuses to work together and keeps harping on the same issues? Plus, D3 will tell the psych whats going on and that will be an unbiased report.

She'll still tear it down but expect it. Its how she operates. Youve got a pattern now of instances where she turned down a workable solution because the negative behaviour helped her in some way.

[good_mom]

Great idea Arabian on the follow up. Provide OP with 3 options of appointments to attend with 3 weeks of notice minimum. This way she has no reason not to be there.

[arabian]

As the medical issue is in hand (and will likely end up being a non-issue) it might now be time to move forward on other matters, namely full financial disclosure. If a motion is currently being prepared a paragraph, indicating specific documentation as well as deadline to disclose, could be inserted near the end of the document.

I'd keep those freebie legal aid lawyers run off their feet - using up all the hours possible. One would think that sooner, rather than later, the OP's guise of victim-unable-to-work will be revealed. Perhaps then the playing field (in terms of lawyers) might become a bit more level?

[LovingFather32]

I offered to ex already to book an appt. at a later date when she may be available. She told me to give my Dr. her contact info.

Saw my Dr. with D3. I gave an incredibly neutral rundown even showing him her saying the issues in writing in the comm. book.

He said that based on his observations of D3 in the office and the information presented that many of these behaviors are normal during separation.

He said that for him to refer her that it would take 12-18 months. Pediatricians on the other hand seem to be able to cut that in half. Since ex's Dr. is a pediatrician then we could try going through him. But my Dr. says he sees no reason for a referral.

He said he'd type everything up regarding the visit and I could pick it up Monday.

He said he wasn't going to call her or see her separately from me. That it would be up to her to visit with me to discuss the issues. But based on my Dr.'s findings he said he surely doesn't see the need for a referral. He also admitted he wasn't a child psychologist but that he sees an awful lot of child behavior as a family physician. D3 was amazing as usual. Pleasant, eye contact, was very polite, friendly and calm.

All in all a good visit I believe. I don't think that ex will be okay with it though.