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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #21  
Old 06-12-2015, 06:21 PM
cpartener cpartener is offline
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I’m sorry, I’ve got to vent and go a bit off-topic for a moment…

That makes me, as a woman, so angry! (not that you said it, but that it seems to be true). Just because you can give birth to a child doesn’t automatically make you a good parent or a better parent than the father!! This has caused George more nights in tears than I can count. He loves Judy and Elroy so much and the fact that Jane is a woman should not make her the automatic default!! Lawyers and Judges she not just hand over children to the person with ovaries!!!!

I have a good friend whose father was one of the first fathers to awarded full custody in Canada. That was in the early 1970s. I would have hoped that things would have continued to progress by now. I expect equality to go both ways in this country.

It feels like we (George/Judy/Elroy and myself) are stuck at the mercy of a self-centred, money grubbing *%^&$. If you’re being told repeatedly for years that a situation exists that is causing your children pain and anguish, do you ignore it or eliminate the situation?!?!?!

George has continued to absorb all the financial Bullsh** she has thrown to prove to the courts he just wants to be with the children. And yet all it seems to do is somehow show that money is all we’re concerned about?????? If we could just lay out his communications with his lawyer on the table for the judge, they’d see that 95% of the emails regard the care and best interest of Judy/Elroy. Money has been the afterthought. Every time we go to Jane/Lawyer with an issue about the children, she warps it into a money issue. It is so bloody infuriating!!!!!!!!

I am the child of divorce, my brother was the same age as Elroy and I was the same age as Judy. My parents/family did so many things wrong and they didn’t understand how much we actually took in and understood. George and I have worked so hard to not make those same mistakes and make sure that the children, when in our care at least, are the happiest they could possibly be and not exposed to the things I was. Among other things, we never press them for information, we never say bad things about Jane/family/boyfriends. Even when we're battling with Jane, we are supportive of her to the children. I can see the signs, having been there, that Judy/Elroy understand our home is a safe, comfortable and open family home for them where they trust in us completely. I can also see, and hear, the signs that they don't feel the same about being with Jane.

When I was over the age of majority I happened to come across my mother’s copy of the court papers. Things were different in the 1970s, just OCL reports and court papers, no emails or texts. It backed up everything my mother had ever told us, many were things we shouldn’t have known or been aware of as children. Reading those papers as an adult was enlightening and solidified my understanding, from childhood, of the situation. I shed some tears, but it was a crucial step for my growth. Should Judy/Elroy wish to see the OCL report and court documents when they are over 18, we’ve decided to let them as this was so important for my understanding. If they ask for more, we will allow them access to George’s communications with his lawyer and even emails/texts with Jane. On our side, they will only see a father who did nothing but fight tooth and nail for equal time to be with the children he adores. A father who did not and would not stop fighting for them and to be with them. As a child of divorce, I can tell you that this is something they already know and feel, even at this young age. As adults, I feel it's their right to understand how the most crucial years of their lives came to be.

Vent over.
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  #22  
Old 06-13-2015, 12:49 AM
Teenwolf Teenwolf is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cpartener View Post
I know it seems like I'm mixing the two up. I just need to get a feel for what we're looking at and how to broach this. We're not terribly confident in our lawyer. We want to make sure that what we thought is supposed to be happening is the general belief of everyone else. That we're not coming at this from left field.
You’ve talked about the financial hardship is this post. I’m not questioning that; rather, don’t mention it in court. The focus is 40/60 range.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Links17 View Post
If I were you I would not talk about the financial hardships of paying full support because the judge will use that to infer you are interested in custody for financial benefits.
Exactly!

Quote:
Originally Posted by cpartener View Post
That makes me, as a woman, so angry! (not that you said it, but that it seems to be true). Just because you can give birth to a child doesn’t automatically make you a good parent or a better parent than the father!! This has caused George more nights in tears than I can count. He loves Judy and Elroy so much and the fact that Jane is a woman should not make her the automatic default!! Lawyers and Judges she not just hand over children to the person with ovaries!!!!
You’re preaching to the choir. I could add a lot more to this, but I'll pass. I'm not in the mood to rant.
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  #23  
Old 06-13-2015, 10:02 AM
cpartener cpartener is offline
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Originally Posted by Teenwolf View Post
. You’re preaching to the choir. I could add a lot more to this, but I'll pass. I'm not in the mood to rant.
And I'm sorry for mine. George had just be notified of something that blew my lid. Unfortunately there doesn't seem to be much of a second chance to edit or delete a post
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