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Old 09-23-2010, 07:37 PM
choochoo choochoo is offline
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Default Joint Custody, Father giving up more time

My ex & I have joint custody of our 7 year old son. We went the Collaborative route with our SA; everything was pretty much agreed upon except how to split our time with our son. Ex wanted 50/50 time, one full week at a time. We saw a Parental Coach a number of times to work it out, and come up with a 2 week rotational schedule where he wasn't more than 3 or 4 days without seeing either one of us. It ended up being 60/40 split with me more time because I was willing & able to be more responsible for school preparation & pick him up if needed -our son is ADHD and has social/behaviour problems, and we regularly get calls from the school about behaviour, need to pick him up, or meet with someone after school to discuss incidents immediately.

The problem now, is that his father is giving up more & more time with him. The two days in the 10 school days he is responsible for him, he has a babysitter one day, and his Mom the other pick our son up from school and give him dinner. He's given up a mid-week visit, now our son goes a full week without seeing his Dad, and often goes the week without even a phone call.

Our son misses him, and I want him to have a good relationship with his father & truly feel like he has two equal homes and two parents who are equally responsible & interested in his life. We worked so hard on all of this, I've made every effort, go out of my way to make it convenient for Ex to see his son, willing to drive him & pick him up -anything. People warned me this could happen, but I just can't believe it is. We've only been living separately for 3 1/2 months! I can't even think about what could happen when he gets into another relationship & if he has other kids!

The end result is that it now works out to about an 80/20 split, and during his time, he has someone else looking after him about 20% of the time -time when I could be available!

I'm reading on these boards about all the fathers who would do anything for more time with their kids, and a cooperative Ex. I just don't get it.
Old 09-23-2010, 07:40 PM
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InterprovincialParents InterprovincialParents is offline
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Originally Posted by choochoo View Post
I'm reading on these boards about all the fathers who would do anything for more time with their kids, and a cooperative Ex. I just don't get it.
Chin up! Think of the positive impression and influence you provide your son 80% of the time
Old 09-23-2010, 08:09 PM
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tugofwar tugofwar is offline
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Seems odd that he wanted 50/50 didn't get it, close to it 60/40 and does not want this? This would be pretty upsetting to alot of dad's on this forum who are fighting wits end to see their child more.
You can't force him into spending time with your child if he doesn't want it. I know, I am there right now. Ex wanted shared custody ( just out of the blue) and knows he can't get it so going for joint. Thought by now would ask for an increase in time with our child, but hasn't.
Some parents are just smucks!
Old 09-23-2010, 08:25 PM
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rwm1273 rwm1273 is offline
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Most of us men never had an ex like you who is concerned about us not seeing our kids. It is nice to see. Now if our ex's could be like you.
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60/40, custody, joint, time

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