Hey guys/girls here is my story in as brief as I can share. Im a first time poster and really like this site. Im looking for your input and also thinking my story might help others.
Im a respondent father who is somewhat successful in the entertainment industry in Ontario. I've never been married, but have a three year old daughter. Essentially the mother got pregnant on purpose when I was dating her as I was interested in another woman at the time. I tried to make it work and lived with the mother for a few months around the birth but of course it didnt work. Here is what happened since then:
ROUND 1 Loss for me
-The mother played games and didnt let me see daughter after break up. She filed for sole custody. I was already paying child support voluntarily and continue to do so. From the beginning I have tried to mediate and the mother has rejected all attempts to mediate, all offers, never counter offered etc. My goal has always been joint custody, shared parenting which I believe is psychologically best for the child based on the research. I was unfamiliar with family court but have experience in civil court and consider myself very good at making logical arguments, not that it has always helped me in family court and because of cost I have represented myself.
-I filed a motion based on access prior to Case Conference citing that the child was in danger because at the time the mother was living with her father who is an alcoholic, her mother an ex prostitute and two family member who lived in that house hold have committed suicide including a 14 year old girl last year by hanging herself in her bedroom. The motions judge wouldnt rule it an emergency but moved up the case conference date and told the mother she better start giving me access.
-The mother was on social assistance at the time and got "wings" of a shady law firm via legal aid. I was offered supervised visitations for 3 days a week during the day. The mother moved to around 50 min drive from me so I had to drive in and back to see my daughter supervised for 4 months while the mother lived in the environment described above. Later she got more work and got her own appartment in a shady area. My family is all middle upper class with no criminal or addiction issues including my mother who has been a teacher her entire life.
ROUND 2 Loss for me
-At the cast conference the attorney made all kins of allegations of harassment and bullying. The judge was older white male who's opening question was if Im bipolar. Keep in mind that I'm a professional who has never been in trouble with the law. He was only going off their pleadings that were all made up concepts such as "imbalance of power" which i guess is code for Im a man even though my ex had total control of my daughter. This judge stated that Joint Custody was out of the question for me and all they focused on was the financial. The other side offered me some weak offer for access that was essentially 4 more months of supervised daytime access. I rejected that and only at the end of the Case Conference did the judge ask if there was any access in place.. then seemed kind of flustered to find out there wasn't and then stated that I could file a motion for it.
ROUND 3 Win for me
-I filled motion for overnights. By this time the mother's lawyers burned through so many hours that legal aid cut them off so they didnt show for the motion and my ex was on her own. The judge suggested we come to an agreement or hed make a decision. Only then was the mother agreeable and worked out your typical every other weekend and one day a week arrangement for accesses with provisions for holidays. I was happy just to get my daughter for overnights after several months.
ROUND 4 Win for me
-My ex hired a new attorney, with probably family money that suggested arbitration. We went back and forth on arbitrators and i had a lawyer who is for shared parenting advise me. Her attorney stopped responding and only later did I find out my ex ran out of money for this. My ex never communicated well and always secretive. In any case my ex started to travel more for work and realized the value of the free babysitting so asked me more and more to watch my daughter. I was thrilled. So over the past year I was being my daughter virtually 50% of the time and there were no legal issues. Meanwhile i met a women who is a professional with kids who lives near me and we've been in a great relationship for over a year and her and her kids got to know my daughter who is now three. She's really opened up and part of the family.
ROUND 5 Win for me
-My ex and I had a falling out because after weeks of me watching our daughter she denied me access on my weekend saying "I've seen her enough" I then told her that we had defacto shared parenting for the past year as a new status quo. This scared her to death as she figured she would be cut off child support and also all of the social services she is collecting. So she told me she's now just sticking to the original agreement. She filed for Settlement Conference for end of January. I filled a motion for interim shared parent.
At this motion things went a lot different. First of all it was a female judge instead of male and I have heard that women often are harder on women than men. My ex is attractive blonde who is good at playing the victim well. This time my ex was self represented and she's not very logical. What she is good at is making up lies and accusations. Her insane reply included things like that she doesn't think I'm mentally stable, that I'm addicted to anti depressants (I got a letter from my doctor that I'm not even on anti depressants) and in court I asked the question, well if I'm all of these things, why did she ask me to watch our daughter as much as 50% of the time the past year? This is the first time a judge really heard me out and even my evidence on shared parenting. I got several things I was looking for including that my ex has to give me first right of refusal if she is working out of town. Expanded my access to thursday to Sunday every other weekend. Also my ex who was resistant to give flu shot and vaccines was forced to do them. She has all kinds of wacky ideas on vaccinations and denied giving me a copy of health card for months. I didnt get shared parenting as the judge said i lived too far away. But she did order that OCL get involved.
So that's where we are at now. I still want shared parenting and joint custody. My ex refused to negotiate in any manner. Waiting to see if OCL gets involved. Which I'm a little worried about with some of the stories I've heard, and like I said my ex is good at mud slinging, not at arguments. I feel at trial that I can represent myself well, especially one on one against my ex, but I feel the system overall is corrupt. I mean look how hard I had to fight to even get overnights.
So that's my story thus far. Let me know what you think and feel free to ask whatever.
Im a respondent father who is somewhat successful in the entertainment industry in Ontario. I've never been married, but have a three year old daughter. Essentially the mother got pregnant on purpose when I was dating her as I was interested in another woman at the time. I tried to make it work and lived with the mother for a few months around the birth but of course it didnt work. Here is what happened since then:
ROUND 1 Loss for me
-The mother played games and didnt let me see daughter after break up. She filed for sole custody. I was already paying child support voluntarily and continue to do so. From the beginning I have tried to mediate and the mother has rejected all attempts to mediate, all offers, never counter offered etc. My goal has always been joint custody, shared parenting which I believe is psychologically best for the child based on the research. I was unfamiliar with family court but have experience in civil court and consider myself very good at making logical arguments, not that it has always helped me in family court and because of cost I have represented myself.
-I filed a motion based on access prior to Case Conference citing that the child was in danger because at the time the mother was living with her father who is an alcoholic, her mother an ex prostitute and two family member who lived in that house hold have committed suicide including a 14 year old girl last year by hanging herself in her bedroom. The motions judge wouldnt rule it an emergency but moved up the case conference date and told the mother she better start giving me access.
-The mother was on social assistance at the time and got "wings" of a shady law firm via legal aid. I was offered supervised visitations for 3 days a week during the day. The mother moved to around 50 min drive from me so I had to drive in and back to see my daughter supervised for 4 months while the mother lived in the environment described above. Later she got more work and got her own appartment in a shady area. My family is all middle upper class with no criminal or addiction issues including my mother who has been a teacher her entire life.
ROUND 2 Loss for me
-At the cast conference the attorney made all kins of allegations of harassment and bullying. The judge was older white male who's opening question was if Im bipolar. Keep in mind that I'm a professional who has never been in trouble with the law. He was only going off their pleadings that were all made up concepts such as "imbalance of power" which i guess is code for Im a man even though my ex had total control of my daughter. This judge stated that Joint Custody was out of the question for me and all they focused on was the financial. The other side offered me some weak offer for access that was essentially 4 more months of supervised daytime access. I rejected that and only at the end of the Case Conference did the judge ask if there was any access in place.. then seemed kind of flustered to find out there wasn't and then stated that I could file a motion for it.
ROUND 3 Win for me
-I filled motion for overnights. By this time the mother's lawyers burned through so many hours that legal aid cut them off so they didnt show for the motion and my ex was on her own. The judge suggested we come to an agreement or hed make a decision. Only then was the mother agreeable and worked out your typical every other weekend and one day a week arrangement for accesses with provisions for holidays. I was happy just to get my daughter for overnights after several months.
ROUND 4 Win for me
-My ex hired a new attorney, with probably family money that suggested arbitration. We went back and forth on arbitrators and i had a lawyer who is for shared parenting advise me. Her attorney stopped responding and only later did I find out my ex ran out of money for this. My ex never communicated well and always secretive. In any case my ex started to travel more for work and realized the value of the free babysitting so asked me more and more to watch my daughter. I was thrilled. So over the past year I was being my daughter virtually 50% of the time and there were no legal issues. Meanwhile i met a women who is a professional with kids who lives near me and we've been in a great relationship for over a year and her and her kids got to know my daughter who is now three. She's really opened up and part of the family.
ROUND 5 Win for me
-My ex and I had a falling out because after weeks of me watching our daughter she denied me access on my weekend saying "I've seen her enough" I then told her that we had defacto shared parenting for the past year as a new status quo. This scared her to death as she figured she would be cut off child support and also all of the social services she is collecting. So she told me she's now just sticking to the original agreement. She filed for Settlement Conference for end of January. I filled a motion for interim shared parent.
At this motion things went a lot different. First of all it was a female judge instead of male and I have heard that women often are harder on women than men. My ex is attractive blonde who is good at playing the victim well. This time my ex was self represented and she's not very logical. What she is good at is making up lies and accusations. Her insane reply included things like that she doesn't think I'm mentally stable, that I'm addicted to anti depressants (I got a letter from my doctor that I'm not even on anti depressants) and in court I asked the question, well if I'm all of these things, why did she ask me to watch our daughter as much as 50% of the time the past year? This is the first time a judge really heard me out and even my evidence on shared parenting. I got several things I was looking for including that my ex has to give me first right of refusal if she is working out of town. Expanded my access to thursday to Sunday every other weekend. Also my ex who was resistant to give flu shot and vaccines was forced to do them. She has all kinds of wacky ideas on vaccinations and denied giving me a copy of health card for months. I didnt get shared parenting as the judge said i lived too far away. But she did order that OCL get involved.
So that's where we are at now. I still want shared parenting and joint custody. My ex refused to negotiate in any manner. Waiting to see if OCL gets involved. Which I'm a little worried about with some of the stories I've heard, and like I said my ex is good at mud slinging, not at arguments. I feel at trial that I can represent myself well, especially one on one against my ex, but I feel the system overall is corrupt. I mean look how hard I had to fight to even get overnights.
So that's my story thus far. Let me know what you think and feel free to ask whatever.
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