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NEED HELP - NEW TO THIS - Husband's lawyer threatening court proceedings

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  • #16
    If there is nothing really wrong with your ex and if he wants joint custody, it will be very difficult for you to obtain sole custody. In general, for a parent to lose custody against her or his will, something very bad has to be happening (child abuse, excessive drug use, complete incompetence, etc). Just being an unenthusiastic parent is not enough. You will probably have to adjust to a reality in which you have your children half the time and your ex has them half the time, as difficult as that may seem.

    Many parents step up when they are responsible for kids half the time and change their parenting style and interactions. Also, once the divorce is done, parents who were disengaged or checked-out of family life sometimes get re-energized. It will be a big transition for everyone (you, ex and kids). Unless you are certain that your ex cannot parent the kids, I would not waste time and effort trying to get sole custody. Instead, focus on developing the best parenting plan possible so that the kids get the benefit of strong relationships with both parents. There are plenty of resources for parenting plans on this site.

    You're right, it isn't fun for kids to travel back and forth between houses, but for many of them it also becomes the "new normal", and after a while it doesn't seem that strange. You and your ex will have to co-operate to make this work, however, and co-operating with him is probably the last thing you want to do right now.

    Money is undoubtedly a factor in your ex's plans for parenting, but it's also possible that he can be a decent father, even if he's motivated primarily by the money.

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