Despite a three-day trial and three years of litigation prior to that, we are still having problems.
Example today: Went off to drop the children at his residence. We were caught up in unexpected nose to nose traffic. (damn the 427!) Was regretably 8 minutes late for drop off. Ex went ballistic. Started screaming at me in front of the children. Tried to explain that we had been caught up in traffic. Couldn't get a word in. Also drew attention to the fact that I had a voice recorder in my hand.
That made him pause for all of one second, but then he carried on yelling...
When he got no other response from me, he started involving our child saying "this is what your mother is like...she (listing all my inadequacies).
Kissed my daughter goodbye and got back into my vehicle to leave, only to find he is still yelling at me from the top of the stairs.
This all took place in all of 2 minutes, the time it took me to help the children out of my car and leave the school bags/lunchbags/jackets on the kerb.
I had left my phone at home and arrived home to find that he had called four times within a 20 minute period, twice after I had already dropped off the children. Again screaming and yelling at me, sadly I could hear the children's voices in the background, so I am assuming they heard what he was yelling into the phone.
This does not happen each and every time I drop off the children, but probably at least twice a month. It can also happen during medical appts or when I am dropping off the kids at the school and we are there for a parent-teacher meeting. Often has nothing to do with access itself, could be an email that was sent to him about medical costs or a proposal on vacations.
I have tried to speak to him (via email) about it, that it is completely unacceptable he involve the children in the conflict he has with me. But he has said, "this (talking through the kids) is the only way you will listen" or "I have to hold you accountable" or "you need to be challenged."
Clearly it is in the children's interest that we have little or no contact with the children present.
In respect to a solution, I have proposed that he pick up the children from school directly. He said he will be willing as long as I pay him for his gas and paid him an additional $100 per hour for the time involved in picking them up. Unfortunately, given that my income is a third of what he earns, I just don't have the money to pay him to pick up the children.
We've tried doing the exchanges at public places and police stations to no benefit. The screeming and yelling continues but with police officers getting involved and consequently adding to the conflict.. Not exactly healthy for the kids.
We could use a professional drop off centre but you need to pay to use these and have consent from both parties. He is not willing.
I do not have family close by that could help out. It is a lot to ask of friends to drive the children for up to an hour twice a week. My ex has parents he lives with and who are always at home when I arrive. But he is not willing to have them involved on a regular basis. There has been the odd occasion when he has had to stay at work late, and his parents have been there to greet the children. The drop off has gone smoothly.
So what are the other options?
A week ago, the OP's lawyer suggested a parenting co-ordinator (with abitration powers) which I am willing to consider, but I am not sure if it will help with the day to day stuff. The children are very young, and we could be facing several more years of this.
Example today: Went off to drop the children at his residence. We were caught up in unexpected nose to nose traffic. (damn the 427!) Was regretably 8 minutes late for drop off. Ex went ballistic. Started screaming at me in front of the children. Tried to explain that we had been caught up in traffic. Couldn't get a word in. Also drew attention to the fact that I had a voice recorder in my hand.
That made him pause for all of one second, but then he carried on yelling...
When he got no other response from me, he started involving our child saying "this is what your mother is like...she (listing all my inadequacies).
Kissed my daughter goodbye and got back into my vehicle to leave, only to find he is still yelling at me from the top of the stairs.
This all took place in all of 2 minutes, the time it took me to help the children out of my car and leave the school bags/lunchbags/jackets on the kerb.
I had left my phone at home and arrived home to find that he had called four times within a 20 minute period, twice after I had already dropped off the children. Again screaming and yelling at me, sadly I could hear the children's voices in the background, so I am assuming they heard what he was yelling into the phone.
This does not happen each and every time I drop off the children, but probably at least twice a month. It can also happen during medical appts or when I am dropping off the kids at the school and we are there for a parent-teacher meeting. Often has nothing to do with access itself, could be an email that was sent to him about medical costs or a proposal on vacations.
I have tried to speak to him (via email) about it, that it is completely unacceptable he involve the children in the conflict he has with me. But he has said, "this (talking through the kids) is the only way you will listen" or "I have to hold you accountable" or "you need to be challenged."
Clearly it is in the children's interest that we have little or no contact with the children present.
In respect to a solution, I have proposed that he pick up the children from school directly. He said he will be willing as long as I pay him for his gas and paid him an additional $100 per hour for the time involved in picking them up. Unfortunately, given that my income is a third of what he earns, I just don't have the money to pay him to pick up the children.
We've tried doing the exchanges at public places and police stations to no benefit. The screeming and yelling continues but with police officers getting involved and consequently adding to the conflict.. Not exactly healthy for the kids.
We could use a professional drop off centre but you need to pay to use these and have consent from both parties. He is not willing.
I do not have family close by that could help out. It is a lot to ask of friends to drive the children for up to an hour twice a week. My ex has parents he lives with and who are always at home when I arrive. But he is not willing to have them involved on a regular basis. There has been the odd occasion when he has had to stay at work late, and his parents have been there to greet the children. The drop off has gone smoothly.
So what are the other options?
A week ago, the OP's lawyer suggested a parenting co-ordinator (with abitration powers) which I am willing to consider, but I am not sure if it will help with the day to day stuff. The children are very young, and we could be facing several more years of this.
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