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  • I think my Ex just gave up… Now what?

    So for those who know my situation, I got a message from the CAS social worker saying my she spoke with my Ex and was told by him that he wont be contacting my Son or moving forward with visits until my Son decides he wants to again. To clarify, he said he wont be messaging my Son until my Son messages him first and that he is essentially forfeiting parenting-time until my Son decides he wants to go back.

    This is in writing from the social worker. I have tried to confirm it with my ex with no response back. My Ex’s lawyer has been quiet. I have no idea what to do now as we are waiting to schedule a settlement conference but have to wait 180 days before doing so…

    I was thinking a summary judgement as my ex was seeking to break the 10 yr status quo and get 50/50 decision making, majority parenting time and residency of my Son, however there is still the matter of section 7 alterations and mobility changes in which I am seeking.

  • #2
    Please stop starting new threads. You can simply continue in your case thread and people can see the background.

    Did the judge say anything at your conference around a situation where there was no movement with CAS? Or even something about if you cannot settle/severing the financial and access issues?

    Perhaps someone with more experience (Kinso) can discuss the option of getting clarification from the judge on this based on your ex’s decision. Especially if the move question is needed.

    The thing with summary judgement is, judges are hesitant to do it. I have only seen two cases in the last few years of looking on canlii and those cases involved parents who stopped communicating for months. This is a bit of a rush. I am suggesting you look at filing a motion to deal with the issues that require immediate decisions. You should also make an updated offer to settle. That offer needs to give him something to entice him to settle. As in…dont ask for funds to pay your parents.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      Please stop starting new threads. You can simply continue in your case thread and people can see the background.

      Did the judge say anything at your conference around a situation where there was no movement with CAS? Or even something about if you cannot settle/severing the financial and access issues?

      Perhaps someone with more experience (Kinso) can discuss the option of getting clarification from the judge on this based on your ex�s decision. Especially if the move question is needed.

      The thing with summary judgement is, judges are hesitant to do it. I have only seen two cases in the last few years of looking on canlii and those cases involved parents who stopped communicating for months. This is a bit of a rush. I am suggesting you look at filing a motion to deal with the issues that require immediate decisions. You should also make an updated offer to settle. That offer needs to give him something to entice him to settle. As in�dont ask for funds to pay your parents.
      My apologies about the separate threads. I will ensure I provide new information through this one.

      The Judge did not provide any guidance on the matter. We were told to wait 120 days (I said 180 prior that was my mistake) to allow OCL to potentially get involved and for both parties to try and remedy the matter. After 120 days, we can schedule a SC.

      I understand summary judgements are a special circumstance and hard to come by but I have no idea what to do when the other party is just forfeiting their parenting-time while there is an active court case when they are seeing vastly more. Further, OC has been silent for weeks and the same as my Ex. I can even see the read receipts for by my Ex and OC with no answers.

      I know a motion would force their hand but what do I file a motion for at this point? There is still stuff I want (mobility rights) which I feel like I have an even better chance of now that my Ex is not seeing my Son anymore.

      Comment


      • #4
        What do you have to gain by seeking a summary judgment at this time?


        What do you have to gain by waiting, being patient and showing that you gave your son more time to decide he did want to see his father?


        What do you have to lose by pushing for the conclusion before giving it a bit of time?


        real question for me: how do you get to see read receipts from the lawyer and ex?

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by podric View Post
          What do you have to gain by seeking a summary judgment at this time?


          What do you have to gain by waiting, being patient and showing that you gave your son more time to decide he did want to see his father?


          What do you have to lose by pushing for the conclusion before giving it a bit of time?


          real question for me: how do you get to see read receipts from the lawyer and ex?
          With a summary judgement I gain a resolution to a court proceeding that has caused nothing but harm to all parties. Resolving this matter quickly allows everyone to focus 100% of their efforts on the real priority, my Son. My Ex has prioritized court which has lead to the situation we are at now. Further, me not having to frequently take time to do court proceedings (frequent To be spoken to dates that I have had prior to the recent CC), doing court paperwork, letters to OC etc can stop and I won't need to take time off of work anymore. All of that time and effort can be taken from court and pushed to my children.

          As for read receipts, my emails are sent from Outlook which allows you to get read receipts through the settings. Further, all communication with my Ex is through an app called AppClose which a is a parenting app that tells you each message that was read by each party.

          Comment


          • #6
            The judge also wanted you to look into OCL and they take time too.

            You could request to sever the elements of the case. I don’t know how to do that but someone else on here may. I still stand by my offer to settle item. Make him an offer. What is more important to you? Getting everything you want or “wasting time”. Your ex’s lawyer may have advised him they have 120 days before another court date so just sit tight and say nothing. It’s not the best advice but it’s what makes the most sense. You are the one with urgency, he isn’t.

            If you want to go for summary judgement (which you probably can’t do since the judge said no court dates) I highly recommend you speak to a lawyer. They will know the judge, the rules and the likelihood of failure.

            Comment


            • #7
              OCL has declined this file twice and have said they wont take it.

              I have made numerous offers to settle, none of which have even been acknowledged.

              Originally posted by rockscan View Post
              You could request to sever the elements of the case.
              I've never heard of this. Can you explain this more?

              Is this essentially a motion for a summary decision on the parenting-time, decision-making and residency matter?
              Last edited by Hide on Bush; 04-07-2022, 09:56 AM.

              Comment


              • #8
                I can’t explain it because I don’t know if it’s actually legit. I know you can sever items in an offer.

                Again, you should take an hour or two with a lawyer or even the FLIC office if there is one in your city to run your idea by them. They would know the judge in your case as well as whether filing for summary judgement is the best approach. Your biggest problem is that the judge said no court action for 120 days in an effort to get outside agencies to do a review. Just because your ex took his toys and left the sandbox does not void the judges direction. It looks bad on your ex sure but it may look bad on you too. I know you have limited funds but for something like this, you should find the money.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by rockscan View Post
                  I can�t explain it because I don�t know if it�s actually legit. I know you can sever items in an offer.

                  Again, you should take an hour or two with a lawyer or even the FLIC office if there is one in your city to run your idea by them. They would know the judge in your case as well as whether filing for summary judgement is the best approach. Your biggest problem is that the judge said no court action for 120 days in an effort to get outside agencies to do a review. Just because your ex took his toys and left the sandbox does not void the judges direction. It looks bad on your ex sure but it may look bad on you too. I know you have limited funds but for something like this, you should find the money.
                  Does it make any difference that the endorsement from the judge does not contain anything about the 120 days?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Honestly I think you just have to wait it out. Hope OCL takes the file this time. as rockscan has told you several times, keep sending emails/messages about access and make sure your child is always available. It sucks but it is what it is. Your ex is having an adult temper tantrum and literally digging his own grave.

                    One thing I learned about this whole process (and I'm still in the middle of it as well) is to have patience.

                    You cant change your ex's behaviour. And you cant force this slow waiting game to go any faster.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      OCL declined the file again as of last week

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Hide on Bush View Post
                        OCL declined the file again as of last week
                        Ok so now wait till the SC. Offer access, log everything. Still the same waiting game.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Hide on Bush, I hate to break it to you but even if you somehow got a summary judgment that does not mean in any way shape or form that your going to court days are over. You are niave if you think so. As long as the kids aren’t 18 yet your ex can keep bringing you back to court and reopening visitation or child support issues. Hell, even after age 18 he can still bring you back to court regarding S7, post secondary expenses and child support if applicable. If you have a disabled child together then the sky is the limit and your ex can keep the court going for as long as the child lives! What fun! Even if your matter becomes “resolved” and you become divorced… guess what? You guessed it, your ex can still keep fling court proceedings against you. One of our senior posters, Arabian had this annoyance long after their divorce where her ex would file something at least once a year. That’s the beauty and the curse of family court, if you have a jerk of an ex, they can keep the bs going forever, or until one of you dies. There is also a case of 2 lawyers who divorced and were involved in protracted litigation for decades and so long that both of their counsel died in the meantime.
                          120 days to wait is chump change. My ex refused access for 2 years, then 21/2 years and each time he was awarded supervised access again to give him a chance to rebuild his relationship with the kids. Family court judges do their best to encourage and allow access even if one party has been unreasonable and were the ones to cut off access themselves. Like my ex, your ex can refuse to exercise their access and after two years ask for it to start again and a judge will likely do everything they can to allow that to happen again ( although it would likely be supervised after such a long period of time).
                          You need to accept the family court mantra of “hurry up and wait” or you are going to drive yourself nuts.The only thing you can do is make a reasonable offer to settle, leave it open and wait until your next court date.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            On topic question but not matching Hide On Bush situation.



                            If a child lives with one of the parents, is 15 and sees the other parent when they like and does see them. The other parent does not refuse access and the original order had access as 50/50.


                            What should the court order be updated to say?
                            Do I start another thread?

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by podric View Post
                              On topic question but not matching Hide On Bush situation.



                              If a child lives with one of the parents, is 15 and sees the other parent when they like and does see them. The other parent does not refuse access and the original order had access as 50/50.


                              What should the court order be updated to say?
                              Do I start another thread?

                              There have been a few threads on this including at the end of last year.

                              Teens have different lives which sometimes include significant others, jobs, sports, activities etc. It is difficult to adhere to a set 50/50 schedule and all three parties should work together to ensure time is spent with both parents. At 16 it is assumed that kids can determine where they want to live and one parent cannot force either the kid or the other parent to adhere to a set schedule. It is difficult when it comes to support but if money is the sole motivator then that parent needs to give their head a shake. Short answer is both parents and the child should work together to keep the equal time in place but fighting it when a kid has determined things is pointless.

                              Comment

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