Paragraph 8 of a SC Brief Help

[Hide on Bush]

I hope therapy helps your son, or at the very least comes up with creative ways to keep a connection going.

Me too! Life would be so much easier if both of them got along.

[StillPaying]

Here is the million dollar question to you. Would you risk your kids life because there is no concrete evidence stating your child is 100% suicidal?

This was a one off, out of the blue statement. You've since spoken to ocl, cas and a judge. If there was ANY concern, each would suspend access immediately. The fact that they each said no, says something.
Then we look to you. I believe if you had any real belief your kid was suicidal, you'd be in a hospital right now. Exactly as Kate said. It's odd that you are "ok" with it and looking for long term care - while ignoring the issue.

Example: my kid said they would harm themselves if they go to school. Ocl/Cas/drs said no issue - since we're just not going to school anymore.

Then we consider court consequences. If it comes off as cry wolf, and you're left unwilling/unable to enforce, then court would review custody and child's best interest - which may be what ex is requesting.

Would I risk it? Hell no. I'd be living in the hospital with my kid getting help.

[rockscan]

Oh crap, I've said this too!!! He's just trying to parent. Sounds like maybe you have different parenting styles. These EOW dads usually have to resort to being a Disney Dad, or a babysitter.

I hope therapy helps your son, or at the very least comes up with creative ways to keep a connection going.

My husband struggled with his kids pulling this type of crap. It’s counter productive and solves nothing. I encouraged him to see a therapist to learn how to deal with them. The proper response was “it’s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?”

[kate331]

[QUOTE]The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�[QUOTE]

Rockscan, kids need discipline, but its almost impossible to parent being an EOW parent. I dont know any parent that hasn't lost their shit on their kids.

Thats a response for a snowflake kid!

[kate331]

Would I risk it? Hell no. I'd be living in the hospital with my kid getting help.

Unfortunately, you will be sleeping in the waiting room for 30 days.

But after the child is stabilized (usually takes a few days) you can visit every day and work with the Dr's & medical staff to address the issues.

I just want to make it clear to anyone lurking here, that I believe when a child is thinking suicide this is imo the best route, based on my own experiences. 10 months is too long to wait.

[LMum]

[QUOTE=kate331;250431][QUOTE]The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�

Rockscan, kids need discipline, but its almost impossible to parent being an EOW parent. I dont know any parent that hasn't lost their shit on their kids.

Thats a response for a snowflake kid!

I dont agree kate331.. My ex texted that same crap to my son all the time. The OCL didn't like it and it was in the report. This was one of the factor in the reason why my ex is now EOW. (btw he behaved this way as well when it was 50/50) Those types of responses where an grown ass adult shifts blame to a child is not only unacceptable but damaging. And the parenting time has nothing to do with it. IMO a shitty parent is just a shitty parent.

We all have times we have said and done things we regret. The difference is we learn from it and work to be better.

[rockscan]

[QUOTE=kate331;250431][QUOTE]The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�

Rockscan, kids need discipline, but its almost impossible to parent being an EOW parent. I dont know any parent that hasn't lost their shit on their kids.

Thats a response for a snowflake kid!

Yes it is difficult to parent when you are an eow parent especially when the other parent gives the kid whatever they want and in effect rewards them for treating that parent poorly. And when you have a situation where the eow parent can’t win, feeding the fire makes it worse. He learned in therapy that fighting with the kid or being a “parent” made it worse. The kids were allowed to be disrespectful to him and when he tried to point it out, it just made it worse. If HoB ex was to get therapy he would learn that he needs to stop saying half the shit he does. Even if he wasn’t abusive, he would still have limited success acting like that.

Besides, what parent tells their kid to get over saying they want to die?

[kate331]

[QUOTE=LMum;250434][QUOTE=kate331;250431]

The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�

I dont agree kate331.. My ex texted that same crap to my son all the time. The OCL didn't like it and it was in the report. This was one of the factor in the reason why my ex is now EOW. (btw he behaved this way as well when it was 50/50) Those types of responses where an grown ass adult shifts blame to a child is not only unacceptable but damaging. And the parenting time has nothing to do with it. IMO a shitty parent is just a shitty parent.

We all have times we have said and done things we regret. The difference is we learn from it and work to be better.

In a perfect world we would all be great parents. Sometimes, I get exasperated and lose my shit. This EOW parenting sounds good sometimes 🙂

Children dont get a choice who their parents are, some are like you said just shitty, and the children need coping skills to deal with it. And obviously this 10 year old child is in desperate need of help and waiting 10 months is unacceptable.

On a personal note, I don't have a lot of respect for parents, who wont parent 50/50, but I get there are extenuating circumstances that prevent this.

[kate331]

[QUOTE=rockscan;250435][QUOTE=kate331;250431]

The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�


Yes it is difficult to parent when you are an eow parent especially when the other parent gives the kid whatever they want and in effect rewards them for treating that parent poorly. And when you have a situation where the eow parent can�t win, feeding the fire makes it worse. He learned in therapy that fighting with the kid or being a �parent� made it worse. The kids were allowed to be disrespectful to him and when he tried to point it out, it just made it worse. If HoB ex was to get therapy he would learn that he needs to stop saying half the shit he does. Even if he wasn�t abusive, he would still have limited success acting like that.

Besides, what parent tells their kid to get over saying they want to die?

I feel for your husband! I dont know how these EOW parents, can even parent. I'm thinking they end up being like a fun Uncle, especially if the ex has re partnered and there is a "new Dad" in the picture.

My apologies, I did not read that thread correctly, the Dad actually told the kids to get over wanting to die??? I read it as, the Dad saying getting over not wanting to spend time with him.

[Hide on Bush]

[QUOTE=kate331;250441][QUOTE=rockscan;250435]

I feel for your husband! I dont know how these EOW parents, can even parent. I'm thinking they end up being like a fun Uncle, especially if the ex has re partnered and there is a "new Dad" in the picture.

My apologies, I did not read that thread correctly, the Dad actually told the kids to get over wanting to die??? I read it as, the Dad saying getting over not wanting to spend time with him.

Nope it was definitely my ex telling his son to get over the feeling of wanting to kill himself and to stop seeking attention.

[kate331]

I am so sorry your going through this, my fault for reading the threads too quickly. I dont post much here anymore, as all is peaceful with my ex. Your situation caught my attention because I have a son who also no longer sees his dad and suffers from mental health issues, and I thought I could give some insight and suggestions.

This should definitely trigger CAS to move forward with a protection order.

[Hide on Bush]

I am so sorry your going through this, my fault for reading the threads too quickly. I dont post much here anymore, as all is peaceful with my ex. Your situation caught my attention because I have a son who also no longer sees his dad and suffers from mental health issues, and I thought I could give some insight and suggestions.

This should definitely trigger CAS to move forward with a protection order.

I sent an email to the CAS case worker about the reasons why a protection order wasn’t sought in addition to asking for a safety plan and position letter. We will see what comes from that.

[Hide on Bush]

rockscan, I'm hoping I can gather more of an opinion from you as you have been beyond helpful in condensing my wordy documents into short, relevant ones. I was hoping to gain some more assistance from you, or anyone, on how to word this.


C. Geographical Limitations

24. I have had sole decision-making responsibility, majority parenting-time, and residency of [the child] for the entirety of his life.

25. Between 2012 and 2019, I was under no geographical restriction and had the opportunity to move anywhere in the province of Ontario with [the child].

26. In 2019 I consented to a geographical boundary to which I could live with [the child] under the pretense that the Respondent would participate more in [the child's] life.

27. I affirm that [the child's] relationship with the Respondent was more positive when the Respondent resided in [Ex's old residence 200km away] rather than the present 20 minutes away.

28. My husband, [the child's] Step-Father, is a member of the Canadian Armed Forces and postings are a very common situation.

29. If a posting to were to occur, his Step-Father will be removed from the home due to the requirements to work to support his family while that same family not being able to follow due to the current geographical restrictions.

30. The current order only allows a posting to Ontario in which [the child] and I currently reside.

31. If [the child's] Step-Father gets posted to any other Canadian Forces base, [the child], his sister, and I, would be forced out of our home as we are currently in Military Housing, and will be forced to vacate if not posted to Ottawa.

32. In July 2021, the Respondent consented to an increase from 100 km to 150 km to allow a potential move to Kingston.

33. The Respondent later reneged on that agreement.

34. Due to the potential of [the child's] Step-Father being posted to one of the nine (9) separate locations across Ontario, I am seeking to increase the geographical boundary to which I can reside to include the entirety of the province of Ontario.

35. A move to a new location would still result in ensuring the Respondent's parenting-time is enacted as per the terms of the Order.

[rockscan]

C. Geographical Limitations

24. Other than a consent order in 2019 whereby I agreed to a geographical residency boundary, I have had sole decision-making, majority parenting-time, and residency of [the child] since he was born.

ON DATE, I remarried and my new spouse is a member of the Canadian Armed Forces and subject to relocation within Canada.

34. Due to the potential of [the child's] Step-Father being posted to one of the nine (9) separate locations across Ontario, I am seeking to increase the geographical boundary to which I can reside to include the entirety of the province of Ontario.

[Hide on Bush]

C. Geographical Limitations

24. Other than a consent order in 2019 whereby I agreed to a geographical residency boundary, I have had sole decision-making, majority parenting-time, and residency of [the child] since he was born.

ON DATE, I remarried and my new spouse is a member of the Canadian Armed Forces and subject to relocation within Canada.

34. Due to the potential of [the child's] Step-Father being posted to one of the nine (9) separate locations across Ontario, I am seeking to increase the geographical boundary to which I can reside to include the entirety of the province of Ontario.

Point proven right there. Thanks so much!