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  • Pets and Ex-Spouses

    I just had to put my darling cat to sleep today. She was 17 yrs old.

    On the way to the death chamber Elton John was crooning "Circle of Life" on the radio. It was pretty heartbreaking.

    Our cat was old (17) and had a tumor on her face. She definitely lasted longer than anyone would have expected.

    This cat was special for my ex. We requested her before she was born from someone. So she was a very special kitty.

    The cat was my ex's special girl. She probably received more affection than I did for many years.

    Throughout our divorce my ex and I communicated about the cat via email. When she became ill in the Spring, about the time when my ex (who makes plenty of money) abruptly quit paying SS, I asked him about giving me money for vet bills and eventual euthanasia when the time came. He refused.

    For the past 6 months he has emailed me, asking about the cat's health etc. It is amazing that she lived this long.

    I guess I'm pretty upset about her demise but is it crazy of me to feel anger towards my ex because he refused to pay, even part, of the vet bills and euthanasia?

    I'm probably more disappointed than anything. I thought he had some decency left in him. I guess it's safe to assume that if something happens to our son that I can't count on him.

    Shitty day.
    Last edited by arabian; 11-26-2013, 09:36 PM.

  • #2
    so sorry to hear of the loss of your furbaby. They become a real part of the family. They have a habit of winding us around their little paws.

    Its a wonder your ex didn't take the cat with him if he cared so much about her. It would be nice if he would pay but considering what you have said about him, I wouldn't hold my breath.

    Again, so sorry for your loss.

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    • #3
      Thanks Standing. I guess anger/hurt are all balled up together.

      My knee-jerk reaction is to add pet-care onto our SS. I know that is just silly though but I have to admit it has crossed this mind. LOL

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      • #4
        I my knee-jerk reaction would just be to not say anything about kitty to your ex - even if he asks (or just say kitty is fine).

        Sorry for your loss - such a sad thing always.

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        • #5
          yeah.... I just re-read my pathetic post.

          In the grand scheme of things it's a cat. Albeit the cat was a part of our lives for 17 yrs, I carry on and deal with other things that life deals out.... court next week...

          Thanks for letting me vent.

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          • #6
            Sorry to hear that, Arabian

            It sucks that he's so selfish. But in the end, you cared and no it's not crazy for you to feel upset by his response. He cared enough to ask about her but not enough to help her out to get the care she needed. In the end, she had you and it sounds like you cared very much for her and took great care of her.

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            • #7
              I'm sorry about the loss of your pet. You stood by her and gave her the best life you could, right up to the very difficult decisions at the end. Every pet should have an owner like that.

              It's not surprising that you feel angry at your ex. One kind of loss tends to bring up emotional reactions from other losses (and I know you're not especially upset about losing your ex as a person, but divorce is always a loss - of hopes, of a future, etc).

              I'm in kind of the mirror-image position - my ex kept the cats when I left (fair enough, I was moving into a rental place for the first six months and didn't know where I would end up). They were also pretty old and wouldn't have tolerated a move well. I have a new cat (and a new home) of my own now, but I still miss those kitties. If I ever have to go to his place (formerly our place) to pick up or drop off D8, I always hope I don't see the cats, because seeing them makes me sadder than anything else. I also worry because they were both indoor cats all their lives, but as soon as I left the ex started letting them outside, and we live(d) next to a very busy intersection. I'm afraid they'll get hit in traffic, but nothing I can do about it now.

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              • #8
                To those of us who love our pets, they are part of the family. I had to put down my 12 year old cocker spaniel 3 weeks ago and it's not an easy decision to make. You did the right thing by taking her to the vet.

                I never bothered to ask the STBX to help with the costs. Funny thing is he had promised to 'do the right thing' when the time came but in light of all the promises that he has broken so far he would have refused and made a fuss.

                I'm very sorry for your loss ((hugs))

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                • #9
                  Oh, I'm so sorry We have a cat, and I know the family would be devastated if something happened to her. I don't blame you for being angry with your ex. It's horrible that he didn't want to help her with her health, yet had the nerve to continue asking about her.

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                  • #10
                    I can understand exactly what you mean.

                    11 years ago, our dog died of cancer, and though I was unemployed (and my ex hadn't worked for a decade), after a suitable time we went and got a new dog. We felt it important to for the kids.

                    That dog was very very attached to my ex, who stayed home all day with the dog. I would walk it often and train it, but clearly it was more attached to her. The kids loved her as well, and she loved them.

                    When we left, she kept the dog, until the point where she went to move into an apartment. At that point she contacted a rescue centre and gave up the dog. The apartment building did take dogs, in fact one of her close friends already lived in the building and had a big dog.

                    The kids were sad, and they were angry at me because I forced the sale of the house (all the bills were in my name and I couldn't pay the mortgage and all the household bills, credit bills and pay for an apartment for myself as well). Seems spiteful to me. She ended up getting three cats in the apartment.

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                    • #11
                      That is just awful DD - you mean she didn't even give you the option of taking the dog?

                      Very spiteful indeed.

                      Today I signed up to volunteer at the local humane society. Instead of moping I thought I could possibly help out and honor my cat's memory that way.

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                      • #12
                        That's such a great idea - especially this time of year! Shelters are often strapped for cash and volunteers over the holidays with so many people being away or traveling.

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                        • #13
                          ^^ That is a wonderful way to honour the memory of your cat - giving the gift of time and attention.

                          D8 is very keen on being a vet when she grows up and is after me to get on the list for volunteers at the local humane society - so your post reminded me to get my act together and do that!

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                          • #14
                            Sorry to hear about the kitty Arabian. Animals are wonderful companions. Much better than people most of the time.

                            Get a new kitty. There's so many who need you....you'll soon see volunteering. Good for you!

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