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  • SO close..

    Update.

    I'm drafting a new final order, to walk in to our settlement conference next Monday, incorporating a transitional parenting schedule that my ex and I agreed to with our co-parent therapist/parental coordinator/potential-miracle-worker....

    It only deals with parenting. We're in agreement from September 2019- December 2022. We started to fight about what would happen as she gets older- so I suggested that we put in a term that we will go back and work with our PC in September 2022 to see if parenting time needs to change. It gives me a stomach ache thinking of having to go through this process again with my ex. But if it's what's good for D2, then so be it.

    Now- as to equalization. lol. this idiot went and got an appraisal to draw this situation out even longer. UGH. but one thing at a time.

  • #2
    Why do you have to be so difficult, quirky and in particular with this corporate "3 year plan" B.S. ?? Ex and I went from 72/28 to 50/50 in a matter of one day.

    Just let the man see his damn kid.
    Last edited by tunnelight; 08-15-2019, 09:57 PM.

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    • #3
      your daughter was 12.

      our daughter is 2.

      you haven't identified any special factors in your daughter's care. Our daughter has life threatening allergies and severe atopic eczema that requires a crazy amount of vigilance in her care. Her dad has, to date, never taken care of her. Even prior to separation. He admits as much.

      You've never mentioned whether you threatened to kill your daughter. Or were abusive to your ex. Though- by the hints you've dropped here- it sounds like you are...familiar.

      He sees his kid. And he's going to get the chance to keep seeing more of her. Increasing. I have not closed the door to shared custody. But that's not going to happen any time soon.

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      • #4
        What’s so special about 2022? Is she starting school? Do you both live close?


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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        • #5
          Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
          It gives me a stomach ache thinking of having to go through this process again with my ex.
          There is a reasonable chance it won't be as bad the next time. The ancillary issues will be resolved (eg equalization), and there will be lots of evidence on both sides so that a proper course of action might be more evident.

          I started when my kids were about the age of yours. Years later, we still hate each other but it's much less of a hot hate, so it is easier to negotiate.

          In your case in particular, either he will have been good for those 2.5 years, so your reasonable fears may have subsided, or he may have flown off the handle, in which case he probably will lose custody entirely.

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          • #6
            SO close..

            Originally posted by Janus View Post
            There is a reasonable chance it won't be as bad the next time. The ancillary issues will be resolved (eg equalization), and there will be lots of evidence on both sides so that a proper course of action might be more evident.



            I started when my kids were about the age of yours. Years later, we still hate each other but it's much less of a hot hate, so it is easier to negotiate.



            In your case in particular, either he will have been good for those 2.5 years, so your reasonable fears may have subsided, or he may have flown off the handle, in which case he probably will lose custody entirely.


            I hope to Vishnu you are right.

            Is your ex a good mom otherwise?

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            • #7
              SO close..

              Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
              What’s so special about 2022? Is she starting school? Do you both live close?


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk


              She starts public school. She will be staying at her preschool for JK and SK.

              We live about 30-45 min apart depending on the traffic. I hope he sees the value in moving closer to her. I agreed to not move further than 45 minutes without consent. I actually moved closer after we separated because her dad is here and both sides of our daughters family.

              It just felt like we hit an impasse there because it’s so far down the road.
              Last edited by iona6656; 08-19-2019, 03:08 PM.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by iona6656 View Post
                Is your ex a good mom otherwise?
                Good is a loaded word. I will say she is a competent mother who does not make careless mistakes. I think the kids would be better off if she disappeared one day, but not by that much. She provides a contrast to me, and I think there is some value in that contrast.

                I sometimes wonder if that is the case with you. Your ex sounds like he is worse, but some of the things you worry about I feel will diminish over time as he gains competence (eg. the McDonalds incident). I truly believe that most people grow into parenting.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Janus View Post
                  Good is a loaded word. I will say she is a competent mother who does not make careless mistakes. I think the kids would be better off if she disappeared one day, but not by that much. She provides a contrast to me, and I think there is some value in that contrast.

                  I sometimes wonder if that is the case with you. Your ex sounds like he is worse, but some of the things you worry about I feel will diminish over time as he gains competence (eg. the McDonalds incident). I truly believe that most people grow into parenting.
                  My ex is a dummy when it comes to parenting. He never had to before. He grew up in a culture where the women did all the child rearing. To be honest- I think his older sister is going to be the one actually parenting my daughter in terms of the care of her. But whatever, that's their parenting style. I really hope he gets better.

                  Things will also get easier because D3 is getting older and becoming more self sufficient. Plus if OIT works for her- that's another concern addressed. I know I sound like the ultimate helicopter parent...but honest to goodness, if there wasn't a risk of fast food killing her, I wouldn't care if he fed her only that during his parenting time with her.

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