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What are some examples of Estrangement ?

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  • What are some examples of Estrangement ?

    When there is alienaton (brainwashing) in play... What are some things you can do to inadvertently reinforce the alienation? For example, if child gets angry about losing video game they are playing with you and lashing out at you, blaming you, and being rude to you out of their frustrations... and you turn around and stop the game and punish them by saying gaming time is up....can that reinforce the other parents views that you are bad? Last time the child got so upset they left the room after I said we are done playing video games after they lashed out on me... I've tried to explain in a nice empathetic tone that games are just for fun and you lose and win and when you lose you will be better the next game but still they get upset when they lose and blame me... I've had to raise my voice a little at times when they continue and other times I just go quiet for them to realize their own mistake... The game we play is online and we are on the same team... My thoughts are the child has other underlining thoughts that are really triggering these things..

    Basically the only major area of conflict in our access. Child is 10 and a girl. I'm 35 and the dad. Nails and other activities we enjoy.. surprisingly child still enjoy playing with me and always can't wait to see me to play more. I do balance it out with outdoor and other activities, school work and night reading..

    I do feel I'm sort of reinforcing being to the mean dad that 'would' 'yell' at her and 'take' her games away from her... though not sure how children take these?

    Thoughts? Comments?

  • #2
    Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
    I said we are done playing video games after they lashed out on me...
    That seems a bit nuclear.

    "You are upset, we are going to stop playing video games for now, and we will discuss the situation tomorrow. I do love you, and I'm sure we can find a way to play these games together that does not leave me feeling upset.

    When there is alienaton (brainwashing) in play...
    Video games really muck around with kid's emotions. The outburst is almost certainly caused by the game, not any purported alienation.

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    • #3
      Having one parent say the other is mean with respect to punishment is not limited to divorced families. There are plenty of kids who know to go to one parent over the other.

      If your ex is going to prevent parenting time because kid is angry over punishments thats a bigger problem.

      Divorce doesn’t stop you from parenting. If a child is exhibiting a behaviour that is unacceptable then you should be disciplining them. Stopping games because they are misbehaving is normal parenting.

      Stop worrying about it. You are the parent, be the parent.

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      • #4
        Just sounds like kid is a sore loser, pretty typical for most kids, and some adults too lol. Don’t see where this is estrangement.

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