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  • Mediation "Worked"

    After 3 years of her antics... and with 3 weeks to go to trial... 2 bankers boxes full of documents... 479 files in my PC Divorce folder... 689 (non-deleted) emails... 3 fully read and earmarked Bill Eddy books... we had an intense 6 hour mediation session where she basically took the offer that's been on the table for 2.5 years.

    I'm drained.... and relieved.... but incredibly pi**ed at the system and these laws.

    I put "worked" in quotes, as I am now stuck with support payments with no end. Our separation is 3 weeks passed the day where "rule of 65" kicks in. She's fully retired at 49 years old (no desire to work). I'm now facing a massive financial rebuilding and potentially 40 years of support payments. How did the laws ever get like this ????

    I have a mountain of anger and bitterness to work through... not only dealing with what she's dragged us through, but the financial destruction, and the legal system which supports this nonsense. Now, after a lifetime of financial diligence, at 52 I face an almost insurmountable rebuilding effort while she kicks back for the next 40 years on my dime.

    aaarrrggghhh....

    Thanks to everyone who has provided guidance through this crap... this forum, and you people, are phenomenal... I'm not going anywhere for a while... I just hope I can give back what I've got from it.

    < end of vent >

  • #2
    whaaaa? Did the "rule of 65" play large in your settlement?

    So she doesn't have to work anymore? Age 49? That's amazing. You must be a rich dude or have extraordinary circumstances or, while you have to pay indefinitely, the amount is relatively small?

    Sometimes 40 yrs of support payments are better (small ones) than a large lump sum which takes all of your home equity. I'm sure you knew what you were doing in negotiating this. Hopefully.

    Comment


    • #3
      I'm not rich. The payments are not small. The technical term is "indefinite"... I am extrapolating 40 years for life planning purposes.

      She has never worked during the marriage (much against my will).

      I chose a fixed end date in the mediation as a "hill to die on", however mediator and my lawyer said if it went to trial, 95% the court would find sympathy with her and apply the "indefinite" clause.... there are other "extenuating" circumstances where the court would also find sympathy with her... complete garbage in my opinion, but everyone told me "court would find sympathy" with her.

      They "softened" it with I can apply to retire and reduce payments.... starting at 60... but this just means the court battles will be going on for life.

      I was my first divorce mediation. I hope I knew what I was doing.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by SomeGuy View Post

        She has never worked during the marriage (much against my will).

        I.

        That's the biggie I'm afraid.

        Please think before you start a career of going to court to fight this. My ex has taken me to court 7 times and failed each and every time.

        You are much further ahead to get your ex to agree to something and then have it written up.

        Had my ex kept his g/f out of matters he would have done much better I can assure you.

        Take a break from this for a while and reflect. Don't do a "knee jerk" reaction. There will be plenty of time to go to court if you decide to try that route.

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        • #5
          Do try to find some information on 'early retirement' and how it can be viewed as a means to avoid support payments - better yet, get a decent lawyer who will keep you from trying this as it won't work.

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          • #6
            SomeGuy - by the way, sorry to hear things didn't go as you had hoped. Sounds like you have accomplished much though.

            Hope you managed to get a stepped-up SS agreement which basically gives your ex incentive to work. Those are quite common nowadays, even with spouses who haven't worked before. I understand that judges like them as well.

            Be good to yourself -you've earned it. Terrible ordeal you've been through.

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            • #7
              Thanks Arabian - it's my only regret... other than that ALL the rest of the issues went my way... which is what they should have since day one.

              If I could do it over again .... It now is what it is.

              My story around the water cooler is developing into "she had this offer 2.5 years ago.. only the lawyers won". I'm a living, breathing, textbook example of this.

              No short term intention to challenge. My best case would have been 16 years of support anyway, so a bit of time to figure out the next steps ...

              Cheers

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              • #8
                I have a maxim that I live by - "to be satisfied look at those beneath you (less fortunate than you)". When I hear about story like yours and I know I got off the crazy bus after only a short marriage I feel great!

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                • #9
                  And one of my major maxims is - "Everything happens for a reason".

                  As Arabian says - "Take a break for a while and reflect".

                  Man this forum is therapeutic.

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                  • #10
                    Did your pension get equalized? Surely when you retire, you can argue that your support should go down or be eliminated so she isn't double dipping.

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                    • #11
                      Neither of us have a pension.

                      I have for the most part been an independent contractor, worked hard and saved diligently, and been fully responsible for my own retirement. My RRSP is equalized....

                      She has never worked and is loaded (through inheritance) and is simply a financial disaster zone.

                      In theory Rioe, I know what you're trying to say... but the more I learn, my case quite unique in terms of it's subtleties...

                      Financially diligent person + Financial disaster person + Ontario Family Law + rule of 65 = living nightmare.

                      I could write a book.

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                      • #12
                        curious - when did she inherit?

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                        • #13
                          Originally posted by SomeGuy View Post
                          My story around the water cooler is developing into "she had this offer 2.5 years ago.. only the lawyers won". I'm a living, breathing, textbook example of this.
                          Sounds like the other party was locked in a situation similar as to the one outlined here:

                          http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...-lawyer-15992/

                          Originally posted by SomeGuy View Post
                          No short term intention to challenge. My best case would have been 16 years of support anyway, so a bit of time to figure out the next steps ...

                          Cheers
                          Remember, retirement is a material change in circumstance and SS will adjust to your income based on your retirement.

                          Good Luck!
                          Tayken

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Wow, I really feel like I got off easy .... we settled after 2 mediation appointments. He took all property and debts and paid me a settlement plus I keep my income (no spouse payments) and all of my investments including my pension. Done. Woo Hoo!

                            Comment

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