Matrimonial Home (rental) - Is there anything I can do?

[stressedmama]

I have recently filed the first step for a joint divorce application and am waiting to file the second part. My problem is that my stbx has stayed in the matrimonial home during the time of our separation (and is still here).

This would not be an issue if he contributed to the household, but he does not. Finances are severely strained as it is so this causes stress and is making me resent him even more.

So in short, I pay for all utilities, rent and any necessities for our son. He was in school (for the second time) and has decided to drop out and is currently looking for a job. He refuses to move out until he has a job which I can understand but it continues to put pressure on me and is slowly turning our amicable divorce into a rancorous one.

Is there anyway I can get him to move out sooner rather than later?

Some more information on the situation:
- He has not worked in over 4 years. I have carried the family and have incurred a substantial amount of debt. Which led to my filing for bankruptcy this year.

- During those 4years, he decided to go back to school but dropped out, then decided to go back. He has dropped out again but is not putting much effort into finding one.

- Can I have our lease put in my name only? I approached our landlord about an amendment but that would require his signature and he refuses to sign until he moves out. Of course, he won't give me a date for a move yet.

Any advice is greatly appreciated. As I said before, I wouldn't mind him staying if he actually contributed (not just monetarily).

[metro]

wow...what a guy..i concern that you might have an obligation to pay him spousal support after separation... Can you move out and rent somewhere else or tell him you would do so? You should separate finance with him.

[standing on the sidelines]

not much you can do except cut off internet and things like that so he isnt so comfortable there.

[stressedmama]

@metro

I did tell him that I would move though I think he didn't believe me. His response was a simple smirk. So I have been thinking all day about the issue.

@sidelines

I was thinking of doing exactly that. I have definitely been too nice and let him walk all over me for far too long. It's time to bring out my inner-bitch.

I will be repossessing his computer (which I am still paying for). I was going to give the computer to him as part of our equalization but he has yet to go over the separation agreement with me.

There will also not be anymore free meals. He will either learn to cook or go hungry.

Hopefully this will make him see reason.

[blinkandimgone]

Re: moving out, you mention you have a child together which may present a bit of an issue if you intend to move out and take him with you if the ex isn't agreeable to it. Ideally, there will be minimal disruption to the child so keeping him in the matrimonial home is typically favourable. As well, if the ex isn't working and you are, it may be a benefit to him when it comes to your son as he is available to care for him all day while you're at work.

You don't say how long you've been married or how old your child is but if you're working and he is not he could very well apply for primary custody, child support and spousal support.

[stressedmama]

@blinkandimgone

Yes, I would prefer to stay in the home for that reason but if he won't move out, then I must. Things cannot continue as they are.

We were married for 8 yrs (together for a total of 12 yrs). Our son is 6yrs old and in first grade so staying home with his father isn't necessary and isn't something that he'd welcome as he tends to sleep until at least noon.

He would not apply for primary custody. He enjoys his freedom too much to do that. I have primarily taken care of our son since he was born. I do pick-up/drop-off at daycare for our son, sign him up for extracurricular activities, go to teacher meetings etc.

When we were talking about custody, I told him that I prefer to do 50/50 but he shot that down so him taking full custody of our son is highly unlikely.

[stressedmama]

Also, if I move, it will be within the neighbourhood so our son wouldn't need to change schools. I've already found a couple places close to where we are now.

[inseperationhell]

Wow, I read your situation and it is similar in many ways to mine. I stressed through 6 months of the process where I paid all his bills, drowning me, and I couch serfed 'cause I paid full household expenses leaving no $ for me to rent while he was part time in the house and lived free off family the rest of the time....But with help from good friends and family I endured. Mediation was today. Stick it out any way you can.....I did. Ask for help now, swallow your pride...you can pay back family and friends later!

I came out with - the abuse has finally ended, getting the house and most possessions for a small cash payment to him, I owe no SS as he was told to get a job and support himself and start paying his own personal expenses, I owe CS but he is now required to cover 50% of kids expenses (which means I am MUCH better off financially). He gets 50% custody, but on the caveat that he steps up to the plate, parents and gets his act together - the custody will be reviewed in 12 months - he doesn't have his act together and be a responsible parent to those kids, I get full custody.

I felt for months like I was drowning and he was living the high life.....that day is over now

[stressedmama]

Thanks for the advice inseperationhell but I do not have any family in this country and very few friends.

I'm glad things have worked out for you in this. I am still trying my best, pushing the divorce process forward.

Does anyone know if, once a divorce has been finalized, an ex-spouse can be made to leave the home?

We have a signed separation agreement stating that /i will remain the home with my son and that he will move out but it does not give any time constraints so I'm not sure.

[Rioe]

As you are now separated but living in the same rental home, you are basically room mates, and you need to have him evicted. Your agreement says you get to stay there, so you're the one doing the evicting. Send him a polite letter, saying he has 60 days (or whatever is the legal landlord amount of time to give) to vacate the premises, and at the end of that 60 days, if he isn't moved out, put his stuff on the lawn and change the locks. Don't let on that you are going to do this, though, or things might get tense and you'd want to take steps to protect yourself.

When does your lease expire? If it's sooner than 60 days, you could let the landlord know you are the one staying, and will be the only signatory to the new lease. Then once it's signed, you evict the ex. Or maybe you could even just not sign a new lease, and move out into a new place. You might find, psychologically, that you'd like a new place with no bad memories in it rather than stay in the current place, even if the ex does move out. Then when you're moved out, the ex has no choice but to be responsible for his own housing.

Most advice around here tells people to stay in the home together, no matter how tense it is, until an agreement is signed, but you have that now, and presumably custody, access, child support and spousal support are all dealt with, so he has no excuse to stay.

I think this is how it can work, but you would want to search around for more solid information in case I'm confused.

Good luck!