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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31  
Old 10-19-2019, 01:46 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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In my case we both had lawyers plus split the cost of the mediator. We had to do a minimum of one mediation session before we could proceed to arbitration. We agreed on absolutely nothing in the mediation session . My exís lawyer was extremely aggressive and both my lawyer and the mediator had to remind him several times we were at mediation, not court and the emphasis was on settlement not fighting. The quarter didnít sink down for exís lawyer. After losing heavily in a motion I was forced to do afterwards they asked for another mediation session which I flatly refused ( their motion brief indicates we are more than 7 figures off in settlement and their position is even more u reasonable than when we had mediation). So to answer your questions, yes lawyers are allowed, yes briefs are supposed to be prepared and you only have to participate and agree on a single mediation session before being allowed to proceed to arbitration.
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  #32  
Old 10-19-2019, 02:17 PM
Mother Mother is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Stillbreathing View Post
In my case we both had lawyers plus split the cost of the mediator. We had to do a minimum of one mediation session before we could proceed to arbitration. We agreed on absolutely nothing in the mediation session . My exís lawyer was extremely aggressive and both my lawyer and the mediator had to remind him several times we were at mediation, not court and the emphasis was on settlement not fighting. The quarter didnít sink down for exís lawyer. After losing heavily in a motion I was forced to do afterwards they asked for another mediation session which I flatly refused ( their motion brief indicates we are more than 7 figures off in settlement and their position is even more u reasonable than when we had mediation). So to answer your questions, yes lawyers are allowed, yes briefs are supposed to be prepared and you only have to participate and agree on a single mediation session before being allowed to proceed to arbitration.
Oh WOW! Perhaps a silly thought but I think lawyers should not be allowed at the mediation as the purpose of it is to find some common grounds for the situations that perhaps have none. Still it is a mediation, kinda discussion, not a fight in court and mediator is not making any orders, just recommendations (please correct me if I am wrong). How can you loose in mediation? It is ether agreement is reached or not reached. Yes? No? Maybe? Lawyers make the situation worst, not better and they obviously are not interested to reach any agreements. They are interested to stretch the process forever. This is why they should not be allowed to participate in the mediation process in my view anyway.
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  #33  
Old 10-19-2019, 04:03 PM
Kinso Kinso is offline
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I think lawyers should not be allowed at the mediation as the purpose of it is to find some common grounds for the situations that perhaps have none...
I can see how this sounds tempting but isn't always wise. For simple matters where the law is inconsequential this might be helpful. Certain parenting decisions are a good example. Often there isn't a legal right or wrong answer, and a lawyer can't tell you if your child should be in bed at 7pm or 9pm.

However, where the issues are financial, technical, and possibly complicated, a lawyer is key. When one party is rooted in a legally indefensible position, they need to hear form their lawyer a Judge will never agree with them. Mediation can get stuck in the mud without a voice of reason.

A good mediator won't advise the parties on the law, that's not their role. They might make general statements, but they'll usually steer clear of giving advice. (Bad mediators will advise on the law... sometimes when they're not licensed to do so...)

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Lawyers make the situation worst, not better and they obviously are not interested to reach any agreements.
I'll agree some lawyers are bad. And some are so aggressive they make a bull in a china shop seem chill. But this is not the norm.

Also, the oft quoted allegation that 'lawyers have no incentive to settle because money' is not based in reality. I could tell you it's because us lawyers are mostly moral, ethical and don't steal from clients (which is true... but not my point). The real reason we don't drag out the process is because we don't have to. My client list is full. Same with many of my peers. I turn business away regularly.

I want to get people to a resolution so I can move on to work with others. It's not satisfying to get stuck in the mud with a file that won't end. It's a good feeling when the file is settled (or Judgment obtained) and we get to say good bye.

Family law is not a field that lends itself to an army of associates who can make you rich while you drink scotch in the partner's office (that's corporate law). Lead counsel needs to be involved in the file, and you can only properly supervise a couple of other lawyers at best.

I have only so many hours in a day to sell, and am not capable of increasing the day beyond 24 hours.

Last edited by Kinso; 10-19-2019 at 04:05 PM.
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  #34  
Old 10-19-2019, 05:43 PM
Stillbreathing Stillbreathing is offline
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Our mediator is able to make mediation/arbitration orders because he is also our arbitrator. We are expected to follow his orders. He does not however have the exact same powers as a judge. For instance he can not add parties to our litigation against their will like a real judge can.
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  #35  
Old 10-19-2019, 06:34 PM
ReFrame ReFrame is offline
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Originally Posted by Mother View Post
Sure both sides must be flexible but when one is forced to agree on what is bad for the child (and documented) and the other party disagrees on everything unless it's in their favor, would you agree just for the sake of reaching an agreement?

I didn't know that lawyers are allowed during the mediation. I thought it is only between three parties: both parents and a mediator.

Also, who decided how may sessions are needed in your case? Why was it only one session? Was it enough in your view?
I wasn't really trying to point out that all sides need to be flexible, just reminding that the mediator just wants to get the job done. If the other side has some off the wall notion and the mediator can get you to agree to it, not the mediators fault, I was merely trying to remind that the mediator is not on anyone's side, nor the children's; the goal of the mediator is to reach an agreement.

The mediator we went to offered mediation either with or without counsel. And as Kinso has pointed out I needed to know what the legalities were for the financial aspects and knew I'd be bullied into something without having my lawyer present.

The mediator booked either for half a day or a full day and we were pretty much complete in 9 hours. It was a grueling 9 hours, but beat having to return.
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