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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 04-12-2021, 10:19 AM
HonestHelp HonestHelp is offline
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Default Offer to settle questions

Hi all,

I have some questions about the offer to settle for child support and custody of my 1 year old daughter.


1) In the offer to settle can I include these clause for post secondary education below or would this be too early as the child is only 1 year old?

- Cs is only payable after age 18 if the child is in a full time program of study with records of enrollment provided by sept 15 and jan 15 of each term.
- Cs for a child living away from home will be set at summer only support.
- School expenses are as follows: tuition books and residence (if applicable). No other expenses will be included unless otherwise agreed to by both parties in writing in advance.
- The child will contribute 1/3 the total school expenses. The remaining net expenses will be calculated proportionate to income.


2) If I am requesting parenting time ( 4 days a week for 2 hours each day between 4-6pm)and for any reason unable to exercise my parenting/access time what could the consequences be (I work irregular shifts) ? Can the mother request the courts to force me to exercise
my parenting time or are there any fines/penalties?
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  #2  
Old 04-12-2021, 10:41 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HonestHelp View Post
Hi all,

I have some questions about the offer to settle for child support and custody of my 1 year old daughter.


1) In the offer to settle can I include these clause for post secondary education below or would this be too early as the child is only 1 year old?

- Cs is only payable after age 18 if the child is in a full time program of study with records of enrollment provided by sept 15 and jan 15 of each term.
- Cs for a child living away from home will be set at summer only support.
- School expenses are as follows: tuition books and residence (if applicable). No other expenses will be included unless otherwise agreed to by both parties in writing in advance.
- The child will contribute 1/3 the total school expenses. The remaining net expenses will be calculated proportionate to income.
Its never too early. Add in meal plan with residence.

Quote:
2) If I am requesting parenting time ( 4 days a week for 2 hours each day between 4-6pm)and for any reason unable to exercise my parenting/access time what could the consequences be (I work irregular shifts) ? Can the mother request the courts to force me to exercise
my parenting time or are there any fines/penalties?
Why wouldnt you request time that works? Like every other weekend and a few nights a week? If you need daycare for the time you are working then it is a section 7 expense. The ex cant force you to exercise your parenting time but if you arent able to see your child then they could argue for full custody.


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Old 04-12-2021, 10:56 AM
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It�s never too early. Add in meal plan with residence.



Why wouldn�t you request time that works? Like every other weekend and a few nights a week? If you need daycare for the time you are working then it is a section 7 expense. The ex can�t force you to exercise your parenting time but if you aren�t able to see your child then they could argue for full custody.


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So I've hired a lawyer on a limited scope, as I have limited funds , to represent me for my upcoming case conference. I asked the lawyer to add those clause lines about post secondary education in the offer to settle and his response was "Yes we could add the clauses about post secondary education but it's a long time away and this matter is likely to go back to court at that time. It's too early to anticipate what may happen in 17 years from now.I would recommend leaving it for now and re-examining it 15-17 years later through a motion to change if necessary."

I will have to think of a schedule that may work better with my shift schedule.
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Old 04-12-2021, 11:31 AM
HonestHelp HonestHelp is offline
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In my opinion it sounds like my lawyer is just trying to avoid adding that post-secondary education clause so that i'll have to go to court again in the future to waste more resources on.
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Old 04-12-2021, 11:43 AM
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Originally Posted by HonestHelp View Post
1) In the offer to settle can I include these clause for post secondary education below or would this be too early as the child is only 1 year old?
You can include anything you want in an offer to settle. However, I would make this clause severable, so that it does not tank your entire offer to settle.


Quote:
2) If I am requesting parenting time ( 4 days a week for 2 hours each day between 4-6pm)and for any reason unable to exercise my parenting/access time what could the consequences be (I work irregular shifts) ? Can the mother request the courts to force me to exercise
my parenting time or are there any fines/penalties?
1. Why are you not asking for 50%?
2. Many parents work during their parenting time, that is why child care exists
3. No, there are no consequences for not using your parenting time, except that the mother can go to court eventually and reduce your parenting time.
4. If the mother died tomorrow, how would you take care of the kid?
5. Convicted criminals get more than 8 hours of parenting time a week (once they are no longer in jail of course).
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Old 04-12-2021, 11:56 AM
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You can include anything you want in an offer to settle. However, I would make this clause severable, so that it does not tank your entire offer to settle.




1. Why are you not asking for 50%?
2. Many parents work during their parenting time, that is why child care exists
3. No, there are no consequences for not using your parenting time, except that the mother can go to court eventually and reduce your parenting time.
4. If the mother died tomorrow, how would you take care of the kid?
5. Convicted criminals get more than 8 hours of parenting time a week (once they are no longer in jail of course).
1. The mother is claiming physical abuse during the relationship which is untrue( no police involved and have no criminal record ).
I asked my lawyer if I could get at least 40% access and he said that may not be possible now but he suggested a gradual increase in parenting time.
1st stage is 4 months with 8 hours parenting time
2nd stage is another 4 months with 16 hours parenting time
3rd stage another 4 months with 18 hours parenting time
Final stage (4 months) 36 hours parenting time which includes saturday-sunday from 9am-9am

Some background info on this:
I was in a short relationship with the mother and found out months later that she was pregnant. When the child was born i requested a DNA test but mother refused. Mother filed court application for CS/ full custody and primary residency with only supervised access 2 hourly weekly for me.
We received the DNA results recently.
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Old 04-12-2021, 12:05 PM
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I would leave the post-secondary clauses in place, even if you don't need them down the road it doesn't hurt anyway.

Regarding your parenting time, make sure you have half the time with your daughter, you don't want to be caught in a situation that your ex will ask for more time or even worse full custody, also you need joint decision making too.

I would add a clause about retaining a parenting coordinator in case things gets nasty and you guys start fighting over the child (this happens often when one parent alienate the child against the other parent). You'll save lots of headache by having a parenting coordinator in place so you don't have to go back to court.

I would put some clauses regarding parenting covenants, these again helps down the road if things gets nasty, I can help you with these clauses if you pm me.

You need clauses for medical care, emergencies, mobility, regular and urgent communication, extra curricular activities and special and extraordinary expenses, child's documentation and possessions.

Most importantly, if one of the parties breaches the parenting time provisions the other party can go back to court for resolution without the need for a motion to change. Make sure this offer to settle is signed by a judge, so will become a Court Order. Pm me if you need more advice, it seems that lawyer doesn't know his job pretty well.
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Old 04-12-2021, 12:34 PM
HonestHelp HonestHelp is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by paco View Post
I would leave the post-secondary clauses in place, even if you don't need them down the road it doesn't hurt anyway.

Regarding your parenting time, make sure you have half the time with your daughter, you don't want to be caught in a situation that your ex will ask for more time or even worse full custody, also you need joint decision making too.

I would add a clause about retaining a parenting coordinator in case things gets nasty and you guys start fighting over the child (this happens often when one parent alienate the child against the other parent). You'll save lots of headache by having a parenting coordinator in place so you don't have to go back to court.

I would put some clauses regarding parenting covenants, these again helps down the road if things gets nasty, I can help you with these clauses if you pm me.

You need clauses for medical care, emergencies, mobility, regular and urgent communication, extra curricular activities and special and extraordinary expenses, child's documentation and possessions.

Most importantly, if one of the parties breaches the parenting time provisions the other party can go back to court for resolution without the need for a motion to change. Make sure this offer to settle is signed by a judge, so will become a Court Order. Pm me if you need more advice, it seems that lawyer doesn't know his job pretty well.
I Wasn't aware i could add the clauses about mobility, normal/urgent communications or having a parenting coordinator in case things get nasty.

I am requesting joint-custody (decision making) in the offer.

However, this is what the lawyer wrote in the offer so far :

Mother and Father shall share joint decision making of the child,D1 , born --, 2020. Where there is a difference between the parties on major decisions, the mother’s decision shall prevail.

^ Isn't that basically saying mother has full decision making on major decisions?
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Old 04-12-2021, 01:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HonestHelp View Post
I Wasn't aware i could add the clauses about mobility, normal/urgent communications or having a parenting coordinator in case things get nasty.

I am requesting joint-custody (decision making) in the offer.

However, this is what the lawyer wrote in the offer so far :

Mother and Father shall share joint decision making of the child,D1 , born --, 2020. Where there is a difference between the parties on major decisions, the mother’s decision shall prevail.

^ Isn't that basically saying mother has full decision making on major decisions?
that's full custody to mom.

You should definitely seek to add some clauses about mobility.

The minute you start asking about the "40%" mark- people are going to think it's cause you want to reduce or eliminate child support.

Gradual parenting plan increases work imo if the child is small and you and the child need some time to dad adjusting to being a full time parent. But if you are simply trying to get to enough time that you don't have to pay CS- well...

my question is DO you want 50/50? like truly want to parent your daughter 50% of the time. No judgment if you say you don't- I'm just curious.
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Old 04-12-2021, 02:47 PM
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The minute you start asking about the "40%" mark- people are going to think it's cause you want to reduce or eliminate child support.
When people ask for 40% it often is about child support. Of course, when the custodial parent denies 40% it is usually about child support as well.

Quote:
Gradual parenting plan increases work imo if the child is small and you and the child need some time to dad adjusting to being a full time parent.
Kids have no control over their daily life. Everything is a dramatic and completely unforseen change to them. The idea that a child needs time to "adjust" to the father is ridiculous, and frankly insulting.

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my question is DO you want 50/50?
I do not get the impression that he does. Asking if he will get in trouble for skipping the already meagre parenting time that he does have is a bad sign.
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