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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #31  
Old 04-10-2021, 04:27 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Originally Posted by trueblue22 View Post
My story has never changed.
Ignore the rants. The daily hypocrisy should be views simply as entertainment. This user is the forum's Dunning-Kruger; just smile and nod.
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  #32  
Old 04-10-2021, 07:07 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
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Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
All of that is considered marital debt and expenses. You can�t argue you deserve extra money because you put him through school. The court doesnt look at it that way. Plus you waited four years and made a poor financial decision starting another business during that time. You need to look at date of marriage and date of separation. You can make an offer but if he says no, you are not guaranteed to get it in court and run the risk of costs.

Again, you end up wasting money on the fight which puts you in the position you don�t want to be in as loser mom.


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One of my problems is that my ex is trying to claim repaid debt is still outstanding to minimize the equalization payment. He's also trying to claim that all legal fees I spent in court for the sale of my business should be used only against me because it was an event that occurred prior to marriage that triggered it. I know nobody is very sympathetic to my cause but he's plain and simple trying to screw me. And I am trying to come out of this with the least financial impact possible.
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  #33  
Old 04-10-2021, 07:11 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
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Originally Posted by Kkc View Post
to OP

just listen to rockscan and Iona. Yes they may sound harsh and their words are bursting more bubbles than kids blowing them but it is a lot cheaper. The only thing worth fighting for are your kids wellbeing.
The relationship is long and over. Make an offer and make the best out of your life.
I am fighting for my children's wellbeing. I want them to live the nice lifestyle, have the same activities, and take them on vacation just as often as my ex husband does.

I've done the calculations. If my ex manages to get the legal fees incurred due to my fight with my ex business partner and manages to convince the judge the repaid debt is outstanding I would be close to -500k after equalization. It is worst than I thought. If he offered me 750k to 1 million I would take the offer and there would be no more fighting but he won't because he's greedy.
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  #34  
Old 04-10-2021, 08:03 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
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Originally Posted by trueblue22 View Post
he won't because he's greedy.
You are equally if not more greedy.

Youre also not fighting for your childrens well being. You are fighting for your own. Your ex is capable of keeping them in activities and taking them on vacations. YOU want to be the better looking parent by doing that yourself. This isnt about your kids its about you!


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  #35  
Old 04-10-2021, 11:09 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Originally Posted by trueblue22 View Post
My story has never changed. I just didn't give all the details I didn't think were relevant while asking for advice on the forum.

When my ex husband and I first met I was running 2 very successful businesses and he was finishing his CPA program so I supported him financially and paid off some of his debt. Later on I ended up selling my portion of the business to my business partner after 1.5 years into the relationship with my ex. The money for the sale of the business was supposed to be given to me later on so we lived and spent on this expectation. Unfortunately my business partner screwed me and didn't pay me out and my ex husband had to borrow from family and friends to pay down living expenses (which he repaid but is claiming he didn't).
this is always a bad idea. Unless you had the money in hand you should of lived on what you made, not what may happen.

Can you prove that the money was repaid? It cannot just be your word that it was paid back, you need proof.
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  #36  
Old 04-11-2021, 03:21 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
this is always a bad idea. Unless you had the money in hand you should of lived on what you made, not what may happen.

Can you prove that the money was repaid? It cannot just be your word that it was paid back, you need proof.
I didn't think my ex partner was going to fraud me. I was getting paid in instalments and I received the first instalment on time. I had no reason to think the rest of the money was not coming.

I can prove my ex did give money back to his family members but they were continuously loaning him money throughout the marriage which he paid back here and there so it's hard to account what payment was for which loan.
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  #37  
Old 04-11-2021, 08:21 PM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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Originally Posted by trueblue22 View Post
I didn't think my ex partner was going to fraud me. I was getting paid in instalments and I received the first instalment on time. I had no reason to think the rest of the money was not coming.

I can prove my ex did give money back to his family members but they were continuously loaning him money throughout the marriage which he paid back here and there so it's hard to account what payment was for which loan.
so then you have no proof when it comes down to it. Unless you have concrete proof to show what money went to what loan. a judge will not want to try and figure it out so they may go with him on that one.

you got one instalment and figured it was okay? Still a very dumb thing to do. I would of spent according to my income and when the instalment came use it as bonus money.
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  #38  
Old 04-12-2021, 01:46 PM
iona6656 iona6656 is offline
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
so then you have no proof when it comes down to it. Unless you have concrete proof to show what money went to what loan. a judge will not want to try and figure it out so they may go with him on that one.
same argument can be made of the other side unless there are signed docs saying other party owed this much money, etc. From my reading of case law- loans are a tricky thing to prove, esp. when they are to family.

To the OP- I'm not trying to judge you. It sounds like you were dealt a shitty hand by someone you trusted. But you're not going to find a lot of sympathy here when you think having to buy a condo instead of a house is hardship. There are people on this board who are/were willing to bankrupt themselves to fight for their children. I understand wanting to get the best financial deal- but I would also consider that you have to parent with the other party for next however long (I think you said you have fairly young kids?)...fight over money makes everything shitty. Someone is always going to lose and be bitter about it.

In my case- I was the total loser on the financial end of thing- and yes, was/am bitter about it- but this is why I told you go get some therapy (I did. It helps). It's hard wrapping your head around the expectations of where you thought you *should* be v. where you are...esp when the other person seems to have more. I was 40 and living with my parents- as a lawyer; so I could fund a custody battle while paying down 100% of the joint debt from the marriage (and A LOT of it because I made the unwise decision of using my line of credit during our marriage on my mat leave). Everyone has a sob story.

But if you have a good lawyer- listen to them. Put your best argument forward and get all your materials together- and then for your peace of mind- I suggest actually going through with a settlement conference on the financial stuff. A judge will give you their opinion. If you are on the losing side of that- you'll know. If they say you have a good argument- there you go. Then at least you can say you made the best case you could and make a decision from there.

Last edited by iona6656; 04-12-2021 at 01:50 PM.
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  #39  
Old 04-18-2021, 03:42 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
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Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
so then you have no proof when it comes down to it. Unless you have concrete proof to show what money went to what loan. a judge will not want to try and figure it out so they may go with him on that one.

you got one instalment and figured it was okay? Still a very dumb thing to do. I would of spent according to my income and when the instalment came use it as bonus money.
I have some proof. I have proof of the transfers of money. My lawyer is going to argue any repayments we made during marriage is paying off the loan from early on in our marriage. His family is in on his scam and have hired their own lawyers to try to make sure I get as least money as possible.

I don't think any judge will feel sorry for a man sitting on 2.5 to 4 million dollars worth of assets while trying to leave the mother of his ex wife with less than 500k.
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  #40  
Old 04-18-2021, 03:49 PM
trueblue22 trueblue22 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by iona6656 View Post
same argument can be made of the other side unless there are signed docs saying other party owed this much money, etc. From my reading of case law- loans are a tricky thing to prove, esp. when they are to family.

To the OP- I'm not trying to judge you. It sounds like you were dealt a shitty hand by someone you trusted. But you're not going to find a lot of sympathy here when you think having to buy a condo instead of a house is hardship. There are people on this board who are/were willing to bankrupt themselves to fight for their children. I understand wanting to get the best financial deal- but I would also consider that you have to parent with the other party for next however long (I think you said you have fairly young kids?)...fight over money makes everything shitty. Someone is always going to lose and be bitter about it.

In my case- I was the total loser on the financial end of thing- and yes, was/am bitter about it- but this is why I told you go get some therapy (I did. It helps). It's hard wrapping your head around the expectations of where you thought you *should* be v. where you are...esp when the other person seems to have more. I was 40 and living with my parents- as a lawyer; so I could fund a custody battle while paying down 100% of the joint debt from the marriage (and A LOT of it because I made the unwise decision of using my line of credit during our marriage on my mat leave). Everyone has a sob story.

But if you have a good lawyer- listen to them. Put your best argument forward and get all your materials together- and then for your peace of mind- I suggest actually going through with a settlement conference on the financial stuff. A judge will give you their opinion. If you are on the losing side of that- you'll know. If they say you have a good argument- there you go. Then at least you can say you made the best case you could and make a decision from there.

I am the underdog in this fight.

My kids very obviously favour their father now. No matter what toys I buy them and how much money I spend on them it is clear he's the favourite parent. When my children are with me I feel the need to compete especially when I hear say things like "My daddy works hard and that's why he takes us on alot of vacation" and "daddy is more fun" or "daddy is smarter than mommy because he works harder and has a better job".

My ex husband is clearly trying to manipulate them. My son always threatens me to leave and live with his dad and my daughter is the very definition of a "daddy's girl". If I don't have anything to bring to the table then as soon as they get old enough they will leave me.
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