Ex was sent letter from my lawyer

[billm]

The lawyer said that I have a net value of 0 and that he had a negative net value which brings him to zero, but because of the fact that he is employed etc. that the debt would belong to him. ....

How is it possible that you and he have a different net worth when you have been together 22 years? All of your debts and assets are equally yours and therefore you should each have the exact same net worth! It does not matter whose name is on the debt.

Also the statment 'he had a negative net value which brings him to zero' makes no sense.

Your lawyer is not stating a fair split of assets/debts which should be 50/50 (you both have less than zero it seems). This will lead your ex to fight you, causing both of you stress, feed the lawyers retirement plan, and leave you and your ex and your family more in debt.

Given what you have said you are entitled to spousal support. You could exchange this for a lump sum payment where you walk away and leave him with some of the marital debt.

Remember you are in control of your lawyer, not the other way around.

Maybe you should print off this thread and let your lawyer see what this experienced forum thinks....

[blindsided]

How is it possible that you and he have a different net worth when you have been together 22 years? All of your debts and assets are equally yours and therefore you should each have the exact same net worth! It does not matter whose name is on the debt.

Also the statment 'he had a negative net value which brings him to zero' makes no sense.

Your lawyer is not stating a fair split of assets/debts which should be 50/50 (you both have less than zero it seems). This will lead your ex to fight you, causing both of you stress, feed the lawyers retirement plan, and leave you and your ex and your family more in debt.

Given what you have said you are entitled to spousal support. You could exchange this for a lump sum payment where you walk away and leave him with some of the marital debt.

Remember you are in control of your lawyer, not the other way around.

Maybe you should print off this thread and let your lawyer see what this experienced forum thinks....

No its me Blindsided thats been with ex for 22 years. I first posted but got no advice on my question.

I have been with ex for 22 years I worked for very short time 2 years ended up on disability for 11 years now,

I was offered a buy out from ins I did take it got 50 thousand, so paid off our debt and used balance of about 32 thousand for down payment on our house.

We lived in it for 7months and I caught him (cell Bill) having an affair with his co-worker.

So he moved out after being in the house we bought after 7months.

We also have a line of credit(home equity) racked up 30 thousand so there is no equity in house .

He hasnt helped out with sons college expenses or hasnt put a dime on line of credit or mortgage since the day he left. but took out 6 thousand cash on line of credit.

So i got lawyer after a year of him not helping just started working fulltime cause was only getting 500. month on disability. so now im working fulltime making less than what he makes working parttime.

When he got the letter he said he had no money he makes 30 thousand year part time.

And that he will drag this out in court.That he wasnt going to give me nothing

Wanted to know what people here thought?

[billm]

oops, I mixed posters

But my comments are still probably valid for Leilas post.

[blindsided]

update

Well my lawer phoned me today, ex got a lawyer and contacted mine.

My lawyer phoned me and told me that he spoke with ex's lawyer and they agreed that the best thing for us to do is go to mediation, seeing there's no money to be fight with.
Im afraid to have to face him because he intimidates me. And he cant talk to me he only yells at me, I dont understand that people say its because he's in the wrong?

I think ex lives with the one he left me for does that not make his income combined with hers.(how long do you have to live with someone to be considered common law?)Ottawa

What should I expect at mediation? I dont think he's going to like the fact that Im entitled to his pensions.

Will he be allowed to say he gives me the house and i dont get ss or pensions, Theres no equity in the house he left 7 months after we bought it with my buy out from private ins. and we got line of credit (home equity) that ate up the equity

That should be intresting seeing he doest want to give me anything.

Lawyer let me know that mediator with give him the info and my lawyer would adive me on if its a good deal.

Any thoughts.

[Leila]

The intimidation factor is a real problem. I have been dealing with the same. I finally gave up on trying to reason with him. Now that I have stopped talking to him he is suddenly willing to 'sit down and listen to what I have to say.' Right.... I can see that lasting about 5 seconds.
I haven't tried mediation but surely others here have experience with it. Good luck and don't let anyone scare you. Everyone has an opinion, and one thing I've realized is that I still have to be strong and think for myself despite all of the voices in my ears, even the most well intentioned ones!

[midnightvampyr]

3 years for common law.....the division of assets/liabilities is a mathematical exercise so ensure that you have all the documents from the bank, insurance company, pension administrator. The pension amount will be determined as of the date of separation. The number of years you were married will determine the spousal support that has to be paid by the higher income earning spouse the previous taxation year. Contact your MP and MPP's regarding the seeming ridiculousness of the current system which was put in place by these very same legislators and their predecessors.....

[devastatedmom]

My husband and I are about to start mediation. Our mediator wants to meet with each of us seperately first, to get all the facts. So maybe, if you meet the mediator seperately and you can talk freely, that will help with the intimidation factor. He won't be sitting there listening and commenting on each word you say. I don't know if you will meet together later on as I haven't started yet, but at least to start, it may help. Good luck

[billm]

.....the division of assets/liabilities is a mathematical exercise so ensure that you have all the documents from the bank, insurance company, pension administrator. The pension amount will be determined as of the date of separation. .....

blindsided - I share this view - it is just math (and deciding who keeps what that is not sold - but those items have a monetary value, so it is still just math). It should not be too hard to know exactly what you had/owed when you separated, and you get half - simple. Spousal support is the only tricky issue, as that depends on what happened during the marriage, but that is what the mediator is for! Don't accept less than half of ALL things (debts and assets) - it should be pretty simple.

SS can be a lump sum, but that is AFTER the even split of everything.