Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Divorce & Family Law

Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #31  
Old 05-04-2022, 05:46 PM
Hide on Bush Hide on Bush is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 171
Hide on Bush is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
I hope therapy helps your son, or at the very least comes up with creative ways to keep a connection going.
Me too! Life would be so much easier if both of them got along.
Reply With Quote
  #32  
Old 05-04-2022, 06:10 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jun 2018
Posts: 617
StillPaying has a little shameless behaviour in the past
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hide on Bush View Post
Here is the million dollar question to you. Would you risk your kids life because there is no concrete evidence stating your child is 100% suicidal?
This was a one off, out of the blue statement. You've since spoken to ocl, cas and a judge. If there was ANY concern, each would suspend access immediately. The fact that they each said no, says something.
Then we look to you. I believe if you had any real belief your kid was suicidal, you'd be in a hospital right now. Exactly as Kate said. It's odd that you are "ok" with it and looking for long term care - while ignoring the issue.

Example: my kid said they would harm themselves if they go to school. Ocl/Cas/drs said no issue - since we're just not going to school anymore.

Then we consider court consequences. If it comes off as cry wolf, and you're left unwilling/unable to enforce, then court would review custody and child's best interest - which may be what ex is requesting.

Would I risk it? Hell no. I'd be living in the hospital with my kid getting help.
Reply With Quote
  #33  
Old 05-04-2022, 06:11 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,729
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post
Oh crap, I've said this too!!! He's just trying to parent. Sounds like maybe you have different parenting styles. These EOW dads usually have to resort to being a Disney Dad, or a babysitter.

I hope therapy helps your son, or at the very least comes up with creative ways to keep a connection going.

My husband struggled with his kids pulling this type of crap. Its counter productive and solves nothing. I encouraged him to see a therapist to learn how to deal with them. The proper response was its unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?
Reply With Quote
  #34  
Old 05-04-2022, 06:27 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 670
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

[QUOTE]The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�[QUOTE]

Rockscan, kids need discipline, but its almost impossible to parent being an EOW parent. I dont know any parent that hasn't lost their shit on their kids.

Thats a response for a snowflake kid!
Reply With Quote
  #35  
Old 05-04-2022, 06:35 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 670
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
Would I risk it? Hell no. I'd be living in the hospital with my kid getting help.
Unfortunately, you will be sleeping in the waiting room for 30 days.

But after the child is stabilized (usually takes a few days) you can visit every day and work with the Dr's & medical staff to address the issues.

I just want to make it clear to anyone lurking here, that I believe when a child is thinking suicide this is imo the best route, based on my own experiences. 10 months is too long to wait.
Reply With Quote
  #36  
Old 05-04-2022, 06:46 PM
LMum LMum is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2021
Location: Ottawa
Posts: 52
LMum is on a distinguished road
Default

[QUOTE=kate331;250431][QUOTE]The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�
Quote:

Rockscan, kids need discipline, but its almost impossible to parent being an EOW parent. I dont know any parent that hasn't lost their shit on their kids.

Thats a response for a snowflake kid!
I dont agree kate331.. My ex texted that same crap to my son all the time. The OCL didn't like it and it was in the report. This was one of the factor in the reason why my ex is now EOW. (btw he behaved this way as well when it was 50/50) Those types of responses where an grown ass adult shifts blame to a child is not only unacceptable but damaging. And the parenting time has nothing to do with it. IMO a shitty parent is just a shitty parent.

We all have times we have said and done things we regret. The difference is we learn from it and work to be better.
Reply With Quote
  #37  
Old 05-04-2022, 07:09 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,729
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

[QUOTE=kate331;250431][QUOTE]The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�
Quote:

Rockscan, kids need discipline, but its almost impossible to parent being an EOW parent. I dont know any parent that hasn't lost their shit on their kids.

Thats a response for a snowflake kid!

Yes it is difficult to parent when you are an eow parent especially when the other parent gives the kid whatever they want and in effect rewards them for treating that parent poorly. And when you have a situation where the eow parent cant win, feeding the fire makes it worse. He learned in therapy that fighting with the kid or being a parent made it worse. The kids were allowed to be disrespectful to him and when he tried to point it out, it just made it worse. If HoB ex was to get therapy he would learn that he needs to stop saying half the shit he does. Even if he wasnt abusive, he would still have limited success acting like that.

Besides, what parent tells their kid to get over saying they want to die?
Reply With Quote
  #38  
Old 05-04-2022, 07:33 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 670
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

[QUOTE=LMum;250434][QUOTE=kate331;250431]
Quote:
The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�

I dont agree kate331.. My ex texted that same crap to my son all the time. The OCL didn't like it and it was in the report. This was one of the factor in the reason why my ex is now EOW. (btw he behaved this way as well when it was 50/50) Those types of responses where an grown ass adult shifts blame to a child is not only unacceptable but damaging. And the parenting time has nothing to do with it. IMO a shitty parent is just a shitty parent.

We all have times we have said and done things we regret. The difference is we learn from it and work to be better.
In a perfect world we would all be great parents. Sometimes, I get exasperated and lose my shit. This EOW parenting sounds good sometimes 🙂

Children dont get a choice who their parents are, some are like you said just shitty, and the children need coping skills to deal with it. And obviously this 10 year old child is in desperate need of help and waiting 10 months is unacceptable.

On a personal note, I don't have a lot of respect for parents, who wont parent 50/50, but I get there are extenuating circumstances that prevent this.
Reply With Quote
  #39  
Old 05-04-2022, 07:42 PM
kate331 kate331 is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2017
Posts: 670
kate331 is on a distinguished road
Default

[QUOTE=rockscan;250435][QUOTE=kate331;250431]
Quote:
The proper response was �it�s unfortunate you feel that way, how can we work together so that you feel comfortable?�


Yes it is difficult to parent when you are an eow parent especially when the other parent gives the kid whatever they want and in effect rewards them for treating that parent poorly. And when you have a situation where the eow parent can�t win, feeding the fire makes it worse. He learned in therapy that fighting with the kid or being a �parent� made it worse. The kids were allowed to be disrespectful to him and when he tried to point it out, it just made it worse. If HoB ex was to get therapy he would learn that he needs to stop saying half the shit he does. Even if he wasn�t abusive, he would still have limited success acting like that.

Besides, what parent tells their kid to get over saying they want to die?
I feel for your husband! I dont know how these EOW parents, can even parent. I'm thinking they end up being like a fun Uncle, especially if the ex has re partnered and there is a "new Dad" in the picture.

My apologies, I did not read that thread correctly, the Dad actually told the kids to get over wanting to die??? I read it as, the Dad saying getting over not wanting to spend time with him.
Reply With Quote
  #40  
Old 05-04-2022, 08:19 PM
Hide on Bush Hide on Bush is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 171
Hide on Bush is on a distinguished road
Default

[QUOTE=kate331;250441][QUOTE=rockscan;250435]
Quote:
Originally Posted by kate331 View Post

I feel for your husband! I dont know how these EOW parents, can even parent. I'm thinking they end up being like a fun Uncle, especially if the ex has re partnered and there is a "new Dad" in the picture.

My apologies, I did not read that thread correctly, the Dad actually told the kids to get over wanting to die??? I read it as, the Dad saying getting over not wanting to spend time with him.
Nope it was definitely my ex telling his son to get over the feeling of wanting to kill himself and to stop seeking attention.
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is On


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Parenting Coordinator? Experiences? Terms? Recommendations? Abba435 Divorce & Family Law 16 02-12-2020 04:36 PM
Hearsay Rules Grace Divorce & Family Law 19 01-09-2013 04:58 PM
Why 'shared' custody? sasha1 Political Issues 35 07-01-2010 12:17 AM
Many questions hurt1 Common Law Issues 34 01-17-2007 11:28 PM
Uplifting Update on my situation CatvsLion Parenting Issues 36 01-15-2006 11:25 AM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:10 AM.