Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Access when living in different cities Part 2

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Access when living in different cities Part 2

    Hi Everyone, I posted a while back about access when living in different cities and I had great responses. I wanted to update you. The Case Conference has been set for April 8 (finally) and earlier attempts for mediation failed with the mother. I live in Toronto and the mother lives in Ottawa and our son is 21 months old. My request to have her meet me halfway (Napanee) every other weekend and my son spend the weekend with me is being refused by the mother and she is saying this is too much travelling for both her and the child.

    I am contemplating proposing the following in the case conference as a means to combat her complaint about the travel.

    The mother meets me on Friday at the halfway location and my son stays with me for 9 days and I bring him back to the halfway location on Sunday at 3:00 PM. This happens once a month and therefore limits the total driving on my son and the mother to 8 hours a month instead of 16. There is a great daycare facility in my work building allowing me to see him during breaks and lunch.
    Do you think this is a better proposal (meaning better chance of success) than the 2 weekends a month which requires 16 hours driving a month on everyone.

    I prefer the former option as it gives me more time with my son and quality time. Of course this can only happen for three years until my son starts school and at that time we can negotiate a different arrangement.

    Thanks in advance for your time.

  • #2
    My husband and I are in the same boat, we live in the Toronto area and his ex and son live in Ottawa.

    The ex tried to refuse visitation unless it occured in the Ottawa are only, saying the driving was too much on the child. The judge didn't go for it at all.

    If you're ex doesn't want to do the drive you could always offer to have the CS reduced to compensate for extra travel expenses if you were to take all the transportation on by yourself.

    As for how to break up the visits, I think I would stick with what you have now and change it when the time comes, the more time you can spend together the stronger the bond you can create with one another.

    Good luck on your case conference!

    Comment


    • #3
      Hi, thanks for the response. What sort of arrangement do you have right now? My ex is adament and saying no way in hell will be visiting me in Toronto.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by 350_dad
        Hi, thanks for the response. What sort of arrangement do you have right now? My ex is adament and saying no way in hell will be visiting me in Toronto.

        Have you considered a recording device?
        If she tends to verbally deny you on the telephone, get her saying it, and I bet the court would see that she is "intentionally" denying access. And they frown on this type of thing.

        I would ask for the 9 days once a month and include provisions for when he is school aged so that you can save yourself another trip to court when he is older. Including provisions for access for the time he starts school alleviates any misunderstanding between parents. If you can present a detailed access regime to the court and it is reasonable I think you would be surprised at how accepting they would be. They like to see parents working with the child's interests at heart, not the likes and dislikes of the parents. If mom is saying it is too long a drive for both her and child I would point to that fact and explain that this is about the child not mom and the child is too young to decipher between driving with dad and at home with dad. To young children all time with dad is "time with dad". Only adults can decipher between "quality times" and driving, that is why it is imperative that you point this out to the judge. Funny how law works, if it's not on paper, and backed up with a clear verbal explanation it's like it doesn't exist. First rule of law, in law school, if it's not on paper it didn't happen.


        Just my 2 cents

        Comment


        • #5
          Right now since he is in school we usually try to visit once a month (all of us together),and we would like it to be more be often but that doesn't always happen. As well my husband travels for work so he tries to get to the Ottawa area an additional once a month and they spend time together. Otherwise its holidays, March break, a month in the summer.

          My husbands ex often interfers with visitation, but at our case conference the judge gave her a stern talking to, and try as she might to twist things around the judge got her cornered and had her admit that the father child relationship was important and she should do everything she could to encourage it. Fortunately these judges have seen it all so people tend not to get away with much, at least thats been my experience to date. She still tries to interfer more often than not, but not to the extent she used to, and she's very aware she's not the all powerful being and could do whatever she wanted which she believed she was before.

          Just make sure you log everything, even if things are going well, log it. If you ever have to fight to see your child that kind of information will be priceless.

          As well besides taping phone conversations you might want to try corresponding through email..perfectly legit and completely admissable, just don't say something that can be used against you.

          Good luck on you conference...are you going to the Ottawa area or are you doing it by phone?

          Comment


          • #6
            H, thanks for teh information. The case conference has been postponed by the mother, she complained I didn't give her 30 days notice ( I think we gave her 26 days notice). She is delaying cause she doesn not want to face the fact that she has not tried to help access. I have really been througha nightmare with this woman. It has really affected every aspect of my life. I trully have done nothing to deserve this. All I want is to be able to see my son and she continually tries to denie this. It has not been fun at all.

            Thanks again for all your information and feedback. My lawyer is trying to reschedule the case conference for the last of April. Hopefully I will get a date. The wait continues to see my son. It is possibly the worst feeling in the world.

            Comment


            • #7
              The delay won't look good on the other parent especially if no arrangements are made for the child's access. Its easy to say, but have patience with the process and remain cool calm and collective.
              Last edited by logicalvelocity; 03-25-2008, 08:06 PM.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hang In

                Oh, yeah, trust me; judges love this sort of thing, what with the other party renegging on an upcoming settlement conf. date; They have little patience for people who are more interested in whining, farting around, etc, rather than putting the child first; Been there, done that, in SPADES;
                However, trust your lawyer, it is going to look very good for U in court when missy explains how she could not handle a 26 day notice, thus incurring more time on the judge's part, and unnecessary court costs; Judges are pretty cool with settlement conferences; however , they hold little regard for the people who are needlessly stalling.
                Just trust your lawyer, your character will be obvious and to your favor.
                Good luck.

                Sandy.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Its not clear why you would have to give 30 days notice for a case conference. The rules stipulate that the case conference brief and case conference notice has to be served and filed with the registrar seven days before the conference and they should be serving and filing their case conference brief 4 days before.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Wait Time

                    Maybe what he meant is that he had to wait four weeks or just under for the matter to actually appear in court, what with getting probably a different judge from the original he may have had. I had to wait almost that time, after I served papers to the ex myself.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Update

                      Hi guys, I had my case conference today and it was to be expected.

                      Basically the morning involved a mediation opportunity between the mom and I and it resulted in nothing being resolved. My ex doesn't want me in my son's life unless it is on her terms. The big issue we are fighting over is access. I can't have adequate access with my son in a hotel room as I live in Toronto and she lives in ottawa. My son is 2 years old and the main reason the mother is saying I can't have him in Toronto is the fact the driving is too hard on the little guy. Mind you I have had him overnight in Toronto previously but the real reason she doesn't want him there is that I have a g/f now. She broke it off with me, a year later I get a g/f and now this bothers her. Basically, the Master provided over the case coference in place of a judge and he was helpful in explaining both sides of the coin and even suggested a compromise where my son spends an expended period of time with me in Toronto therfore reducing the commute time. I am really so tired of fighting just to see my son. I have to stay strong as my ex is trust trying to delay and delay and delay. Precious time is passing as my son gets older and I have had little time to spend with him over the last 6 months.

                      Anyway my lawyer and I are pushing forward with a montion for access. It is truly hard to belive that my ex would put her own selfish reasons ahead of my son't wellbeing. I am a little frustrated as it now means another 6 weeks before I get to the next step. I am not giving up but I do feel a little tired.

                      Anyway just an update.

                      As well the mom is claiming that my son is too young for overnight visits with me even though I have had him in the past for extended periods. Is there any physchological studies done to help support my claim that my son will be fine.

                      Thanks everyone for all your support and I will keep you posted.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        350_dad,

                        There is much recent case law available that promotes young preschool children in alternate weekend overnight regimes:

                        For instance:

                        Lygouriatis v. Gohm, 2006 SKQB 448 (CanLII),( 3 month old child) http://www.canlii.org/en/sk/skqb/doc...006skqb448.pdf

                        Huffman v. Kuffner, 2003 SKQB 208 (CanLII),(19 month old)http://www.canlii.org/en/sk/skqb/doc...003skqb208.pdf

                        Cooper v. Cooper, 2002 SKQB 151 (CanLII),(two children – ages 1 & 3)http://www.canlii.org/en/sk/skqb/doc...002skqb151.pdf

                        Baird v. Webb, 2002 SKQB 518 (CanLII),(12 month old)http://www.canlii.org/en/sk/skqb/doc...02skqb518.html

                        Terris v. Terris, 2002 CanLII 46107 (ON S.C.), (two children – ages 1 & 3)http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc...anlii46107.pdf

                        D.D. v. A.S.S., 2004 BCPC 56 (CanLII), (18 month old)http://www.canlii.org/en/bc/bcpc/doc...2004bcpc56.pdf

                        K.J.B. v. S.M., 2006 ONCJ 87 (CanLII),(two children - ages 2, 4) http://www.canlii.org/en/on/oncj/doc...2006oncj87.pdf

                        Schmidt v. Haley, 2004 CanLII 34344 (ON S.C.),(21 month old child)http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc...anlii34344.pdf

                        Szczecina v. Piatek, 2003 CanLII 2255 (ON S.C.),( 9 month old )http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc...canlii2255.pdf

                        Donald v. Leyton, 2008 CanLII 15221 (ON S.C.), (28 month old child) Father awarded custody, mother awarded alternating weekend access
                        http://www.canlii.org/en/on/onsc/doc...anlii15221.pdf

                        Marsden v. Murphy, 2007 ABQB 294 (CanLII), (18 month old child)http://www.canlii.org/en/ab/abqb/doc...007abqb294.pdf

                        send me an email logicalvelocity@yahoo.ca - I can put you in touch with more information.

                        **updated canlii links

                        lv
                        Last edited by logicalvelocity; 05-12-2008, 09:40 PM.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          L.V. you rock. I will look at what you ahve posted. This process has been difficult and i am upset most of the time as my ex tries to drag this out in the courts preventing access to my son. I am sure everyone on here has similar type stories.

                          Anyway I just wanted to thank you. I will reach out to you as I review this with my lawyer. Thanks again.

                          ___________________________

                          (*Note for your own protection, I removed your name as this is a public forum.)
                          Send me an email and I can send you some expert social science on this subject.
                          Last edited by logicalvelocity; 05-02-2008, 08:12 AM.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Update

                            Hi everyone, just wanted to post what happened at my Access hearing yesterday. (motion for Access). Well I have to say I got a very favourable result. It was a very stressfull year trying to make this happen but I finally got my day in court after numerous delays on the mom's side. A potential deal was proposed by both lawyers and that went on for 2 hours with the ultimate decision being to go to the judge and actually argue the case. The judge basically stated before any arguments were made what she though would happen and asked us to deliberate again. When we came back the mom had agreed to all of the requests in my motion which basically meant my son would be spending one week per month with me in Toronto (Saturday to Sunday) and the mom must meet me halfway on the driving. I was really pleased with the result and almost surprised but I really did think this was fair. Of course this will be reviewed again and when our son starts school a different arrangement will have to be made. I am very gratefull but it is just unfortunate I had to go to these lengths to get something that I thought was a no-brainer (at least in my mind). I have put many many miles on my body and drained my bank accounts staying in hotels and paying these high gas prices just to see my son. This result will allow me to have a "normal" life with him and allow my family to see him. I thought I would feel overjoyed and I did but I still felt bad for the mom (she was quite upset) and although she has really really hurt me and made my life miserable in a lot of ways I could see how much our son means to her and that any time he would be away would hurt her. So I guess the result actually made me feel sympathic to her. I never thought I would say that but I did feel that way.

                            Anyway just wanted to update everyone. There were times during this process that coming to this forum helped shoulder the burden I was experiencing.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              That is fantastic that you get more quality time with your son. When he gets old enough for school, you will have to consider a number of things such as how the school system may work for the area she is in, amazingly it's not all the same. Some schools are still doing only half days for JR & SR kindergarten, so it would be a good idea to contact the school in his district that he will most likely be enrolled in to ask that information.
                              With that in hand, it will ease the process in deciding the next step of visitation and also show the judge how important your relationship is with him because you have put forth the effort to find out the required information about his school.
                              Also, make sure that a document is written & signed by all parties that require the school to mail you copies of his report cards along with other important documents so you are full aware of what is going on in his education as well.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X