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  • Opinion on this before I reply

    OK I am sure I am right about this issue but I also realize that I don't think straight all the time when it comes to the custody situation so I thought I would ask for advice.

    My daughter is a very good dancer but is very young she is 10. She is doing competitive dance (she doesn't have to audition to be on it though) Her team has won gold so they are a good team.

    Her mom sent me an email with some negotiating prior to our case on monday. One of the issues she said she will not settle unless she has is that "that no dance class, rehearsal, competition or recital can be missed for any reason." I told her no that School, health, therapy, and counselling comes first and I will not sign anything that says otherwise.

    She doesn't put anything first when it comes to dance. She has had our child at school late or absent from school each of her parenting days. Our daughter had a dance competition friday evening and saturday (in town) so she kept her home from school all day friday. She also removed her 20 minutes early from counselling on the thursday so that child could attend dance class.

    I do not object to dance but I do not believe that it should be first.

    Child struggles in school and receives mostly C's with a few B's. She has been improving but its taken a lot of work and teacher has discussed with us and counsellor that when child misses time its much more of a struggle to get child focused at school the other days (child does have special needs and on an IEP)

    Opinion on the clause? She wrote back that if I don't agree to this clause she would rather the case go to judge (although this is not the only clause she says this about)
    Last edited by Dadx5; 03-28-2015, 10:00 PM.

  • #2
    IMO, absolutely not. Recreational activities are good for kids, providing they don't interfere with health and education.

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    • #3
      Tell her you agree dance is super important however you dont want be reetrricted by the agreeement that might harm the kid . Give an example like if your kid hhas to go to the doctor for cancer you cant prioritize dance class. Then ask her what she thinks? She might be the type who needs to be the one that suggesrs the isea.

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      • #4
        Maybe incentivize it for the child? If she improves her marks to Bs and As from Cs and Bs, then she can miss school for dance. The issue isn't so much that she is missing school in favour of dance. The issue is that she's struggling to do well in school.

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        • #5
          She just wont stop will she? You are in court tomorrow? How much longer are you going to entertain her "offers"? None of this is in kids best interest from a mature adult perspective (kid will say dance is more important than school) and mom is just pulling more and more to throw at you.

          What happens when you have to punish kid in teen years? For instance "if you dont get your grade from a D to a B no more dance" etc. kid will go to mom who says dance is more important.

          In my opinion youve tried to negotiate with mom and she fails every time. Its time for a judge to tell her. Do you really think a judge is going to say "oh yes absolutely dance should come before school and feel free to take her out of class for the day every time theres a competition!"

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          • #6
            This is silly. Kid is legally required to be in school. Kid is not legally required to be in dance. Health care is a necessity. Dance is not a necessity. Any agreement with a clause which says recreational activities the precedence over legal obligations and necessities of life won't be sustained by a judge.

            Write back, tell her no, and invite her to take it up with a judge. Don't waste your time arguing about this one - it is obviously ridiculous.

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            • #7
              Thanks all.

              I felt the same way as you are saying but I just wanted to be sure because honestly when anything has to do with my child's mother I don't think straight anymore I am so fed up.

              I hope things go well tomorrow. There is no hope of settling as she has been emailing me a bunch tonight and her offers are completely unreasonable. They all put dance before everything, remove her from the aboriginal program, they give her primary residence, and joint decision. Nothing in the offers are reasonable.

              I gave concessions on Christmas, Canada day, right to be consulted, right to be at all medical appointments, additional dance time with a stipulation that it can not interfere with school, education, medical or counselling appointments, or an aboriginal event.

              We are no where near each other on what we see is best. Not sure if the judge will be able to really do anything tomorrow as its part of the contempt motion that was started in Dec, and then a follow up motion by applicant prior to our last appointment. I hope that if they can't deal with any of the custody issues that I requested that things just stay as they are currently until a permanent schedule is in place.
              Last edited by Dadx5; 03-29-2015, 05:50 PM.

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              • #8
                Wow, I would say what you need to is focus on your argument as in best interest of the child.

                School is mandatory and I would if you can provide evidence about her marks as well as the opinion of the teachers. Children should never miss school, they fall behind, it's cumulative as she has to be constantly catching up.

                And remember, just cause she says it doesn't mean it's true and has any credibility. In my personal opinion, she sounds like one of those sad moms that try to live vicariously through her daughter, and in the end is hurting the child more than giving her a chance at all. Can you say Toddlers and Tiaras.

                Protect your daughter and fight for it. A judge is going to completely ignore her arguments. Do not even go into the argument of why dance is more important. There is no reason she should miss school especially if this is just for a recreational activity.

                Focus on the stipulation neither parent can remove child from school and required to attend full time unless it's a medical emergency. Simple.

                I would cease communication with her and let her assert that the child can miss school for dance in her affidavit. My favorite quote for these types of situations are "never interrupt your enemy while he/she is making a mistake".

                It will just give you more credibility when the judge reads her demand.

                Read this one...

                Canlii link

                Get the variation order to sound like this

                Neither parent shall remove the child from, or cause the child to be absent from, any regularly scheduled school or special needs programming, or from any scheduled rehabilitation or special needs program or occupational therapy except by reason that the child is in need of immediate medical or dental attention or other professional attention, after which attendance the parent shall provide to the communication book a written note from the caregiving professional providing a brief explanation for the absence. “Mommy and me” days or any similar parent –decided absences that cause the child to miss regularly scheduled daily programming and routine are strictly prohibited.

                I've read cases where daycare is okay to miss...but once child is in K1, every judge will agree that regular attendance in school is in the best interest of the child.

                The burden of proof is on her to prove why your daughter should miss school. So just ignore her, her argument is a fail.

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                • #9
                  Good luck tomorrow. Youve shown you have your daughters best interests at heart and have provided a stable environment for her. Trust in yourself and that the judge can see through the bs! Be sure to fill us in when you can!

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                  • #10
                    I had a very similar issue with my ex...only it was over horse back riding not dance. We settled the issue during mediation when it became obvious that my ex was retarded. I left the clause in our Order loose..."either parent may withdraw their consent for participation in xxx if they feel it is not in the best interest of the child." Good luck tomorrow.

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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Dadx5 View Post
                      Opinion on the clause? She wrote back that if I don't agree to this clause she would rather the case go to judge (although this is not the only clause she says this about)
                      This is perfect for you, makes her look like the idiot.

                      And remember, a good judge doesn't care what you want or what she wants. The judge only cares about what is in the best interest of the child and school is non- negotiable.

                      Just be strong, FIGHT FOR YOUR child's best interests.

                      Comment

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