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Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

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  #71  
Old 02-07-2021, 10:36 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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If either of you dont have independent legal advice the entire thing can be thrown out. She could come along and decide she should have gotten more and take you to court. Even if she walks away with less than what she asked for or you get some of her pension you still have to pay legal fees and those are high for a fight like that. You both are raw and not thinking right now. In a few months when that wears off she can think differently.


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  #72  
Old 02-07-2021, 11:13 AM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Rocksan is 100 per cent right. You need to both seek legal advice. You said both kids are with you. Are you saying you have full custody of the 16 year old and she has access? Just curious.
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  #73  
Old 02-07-2021, 11:31 AM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
Rocksan is 100 per cent right. You need to both seek legal advice. You said both kids are with you. Are you saying you have full custody of the 16 year old and she has access? Just curious.

The kids are both with me 100%.

She visits them almost everyday when I am working, but she tries to leave before I am home. Which is good because it does make it a little easier to accept the fact she might be gone for good.



I work nights so then she will visit them after I goto work.



She will have lunch, see him after school make suppers.

We still communicate.....but only about kids, and never talk about us.

Our kids are at the point where they don't really want alot of time with their parents.


I will likely see that we both consult with a lawyer to go over the Seperation Agreement.... and I certainly hope she isn't "talked into " going for the MAX.

Cause then...yep I am likely screwed.

She has promised multiple times that she is going to be reasonable....

Anything is possible....

One day at a time.
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  #74  
Old 02-07-2021, 07:30 PM
Kinso Kinso is offline
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Quote:
I am not stupid.....Nor am I worried about her taking me for a ride $$$$ wise.

She is allready well aware that I could seek pension money from her.

She is happy with the amount we agreed upon.

She is getting 50% of all assets....and house.(luckily it's paid for).

We are going to see a mediator in a month or 2.

She is reasonable, and her leaving wasn't about money....at first she didn't want alimony....but I insisted she take it.... because she wasn't thinking clearly.



I have the 2 kids and paying for all their needs. So that is subtracted and I always paid 95% of the bills anyways so it makes no difference to me.

We used a spousal support calculator from online Family Lawyer (Cdn).

We took the highest payment...and so far we are both happy with it.

I told her once the youngest is done post secondary I would up it to the highest level....which will still leave me more than enough.

I am being generous.....because I am sure IF she wanted a Judge would award more.

If she went for more.....well I will cross that bridge when I come to it.

I can see by alot of the advice given here that I am actually lucky to have been married to a "normal" women....and that some one here must have really been taken for a ride.
*sets reminder for 12 months*

*opens bag of popcorn*

*waits for it to all blow up*
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  #75  
Old 02-07-2021, 09:43 PM
Helpmyspouse Helpmyspouse is offline
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Talking

*sets reminder for 12 months*

*opens bag of popcorn*

*waits for it to all blow up*


Now that is funny. I was going to post the same thing.. check back with us in 6 months actually and let us know how it's going.
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  #76  
Old 02-08-2021, 07:46 PM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Helpmyspouse View Post
*sets reminder for 12 months*

*opens bag of popcorn*

*waits for it to all blow up*


Now that is funny. I was going to post the same thing.. check back with us in 6 months actually and let us know how it's going.
I certainly will.

If nothing else this process will be an eye opener for my 2 boys on the lessons of life, and be careful who you marry, and make sure she has means and will to earn her own way....

I wish I had a crystal ball.... because knowing what happens now....I would have asked for Divorce 20 years ago IF she quit her job!!!
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  #77  
Old 02-08-2021, 07:48 PM
Kinso Kinso is offline
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I’m going to (probably fruitlessly) repeat the advice you should be following 350 Mag.

1. Hire a lawyer / stop agreeing to things without legal counsel.

2. Hire a therapist.
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  #78  
Old 02-08-2021, 08:34 PM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kinso View Post
I’m going to (probably fruitlessly) repeat the advice you should be following 350 Mag.

1. Hire a lawyer / stop agreeing to things without legal counsel.

2. Hire a therapist.
Agreeing to what?

50/50 of the assets of the marriage?

Paying her substantially less than what a the MAX payment would be by courts. 30% vs 45-50% (what a ball busting lawyer of judge would want ).

Having her leave the house with me getting the kids?

She is taking 50% of assets and liabilities.

I have been kind and understanding, haven't raised my voice...




Where exactly have I screwed up?

By letting her know I still love her?

IF she turns on me....I cannot control that and ALL the legal counsel in the world isn't going to be able to do jack sh!,t.

Because we were married for 23 years, she is 48, she gave up a 70k job and million dollar Government pension to raise my kids....I make almost ,80 k more than her.

So whats a lawyer going to do for me?

She is in the drivers seat....so to speak so I have to kiss ass!!!
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  #79  
Old 02-08-2021, 08:36 PM
Kinso Kinso is offline
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Quote:
So whats a lawyer going to do for me?
If you spoke to one you might find out.

If your deal is as good as you frame it, making sure it lasts. Or maybe you're overlooking something obvious. There is a reason lawyers study this stuff all day every day, and are constantly learning new things about family law.

I have no idea if any of this applies to you, but did you account for the debts or just give her half the gross assets? Did you account for disposition costs or contingent tax obligations? Was the income determination accurate, or did you impute some to her over the long run? Did you factor the date of marriage deductions, or any property that could be exempted from division under the Family Law Act (inheritance, gifts...etc.)

A lawyer who gets to know the details of your story is in a better position to to protect you.

Even if you take the 'kiss ass' approach, you'll be properly informed.

Last edited by Kinso; 02-08-2021 at 08:43 PM.
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  #80  
Old 02-08-2021, 09:11 PM
shellshocked22 shellshocked22 is offline
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Just to add to the other comments you've received....


You should definitely consult a GOOD family law lawyer (perhaps ask around for referrals - also high price doesn't necessarily mean quality or high skill level).


The whole thing is incredibly complex - as you've been advised...even if you've negotiated a great deal wouldn't hurt to have this confirmed.


There can also be TAX implications to I would also suggest having an accountant review the separation agreement before signing.


If things are amicable now, get it done asap. More than likely things will get worse between you as time goes on. You need to BOTH get an "independent legal advice" document signed by different lawyers to make it enforceable.


As hard as it is, try to separate "emotion" and look upon it as a business deal - you want to get the best deal you can without pissing off the other party. Yes, try to avoid court due to high cost and unpredictability but not at the expense of a bad deal that could haunt you the rest of your life.


I get you are emotional and upset right now - been there done that. But you need to think clearly over the negotiations right now.


If you have over 60% with kids, she'll be paying you child support. Make sure you have a clear (but flexible depending upon circumstances) agreement with respect to post secondary education (who pays what).



Equalization of marital assets is usually cut and dried. I would suggest your biggest concern is spousal support to your ex wife. Do your best to get a clear cut deal (to avoid future legal hassle/expense) and hopefully a SOLID termination date so this is not hanging over you the rest of your life.


Absolutely, family law is horribly unfair (especially for the male if he out earns his wife). However, to be blunt, no one cares about if a guy gets financially abused, it's expected ! Try not to complain about it - no one cares (not to be mean but it's true) and you'll only end up alienating friends and those who want to help you - they will get sick of your complaining. I totally understand WHY you're angry - just trying to give you some advice.


Yes, you ARE being punished financially for the "crime" of marrying the wrong girl but it's too late now. You just need to "learn your lesson" and make sure you don't repeat it. If you've got sons, warn/educate them when they are old enough to understand - refer them to education - have them consult with a lawyer if they are serious about marrying / living together.


With family law the way it is, any male (or high earning female for the that matter) is insane to marry/live together. You can still have a long term relationship - just ensure both parties keep their own place and do not mingle funds. You can "mingle" other things though lol.....


On the BRIGHT side (while it may be hard to envision right now....)....


Assuming you're in half decent shape with a good job and personality, you will be AMAZED at the number of beautiful, fun, friendly single women that are out there looking for such a guy to date. Honestly, if I knew what I know now I never would have got married lol.



However, you need to keep things together during this difficult time....


-get a lawyer
-try to stay calm
-accept that you'll be screwed over - just learn from it
-find an outlet for your frustration - refrain from complaining - it won't help and will just make you feel worse and push away your friends and potential future female companions.


I'm willing to bet that a few years from now, whatever you have to pay out you'll consider "worth the price" for your new, independent life. Just ensure you don't repeat your prior mistake and get married or common law.


Stay cool and best of luck.....

Last edited by shellshocked22; 02-08-2021 at 09:21 PM.
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