Ottawa Divorce .com Forums


User CP

New posts

Advertising

  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Financial Issues

Financial Issues This forum is for discussing any of the financial issues involved in your divorce.

Reply
 
Thread Tools
  #51  
Old 01-20-2021, 07:51 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,059
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 350 Mag View Post
For better and for worse.

In sickness and health.

Blah blah blah blah.

Our own Catholic Priest recommended she leave IF she wasn't happy.

Unless there is adultery, documented abuse or something else serious going on Divorces should not be so easy?

Personality conflict or squabbling over money is NOT a reason for divorce....and IF it is....well then you were never really "in love" and had no business ever getting married in the first place!!!

Why would you want to be with someone who hasnt loved you for a decade? You both stayed for the kids sure but she admitted she didnt love you. If my husband said he didnt love me anymore I would be packing my shit and moving on. I would rather be alone than miserable or around someone who is miserable. Or I might look at what is making that person miserable and work on it if possible. I really dont get you. One of the first things you learn in therapy is you cant change someone elses behaviour you can only change your reaction to it. Your reaction should be pack your shit and get the fuck out of my life.

My husbands ex married him to have kids. Plain and simple. It took him several years to realize she would never be happy but by then he stayed for the kids. She was emotionally abusive and destroyed his life. It took a major health issue for him to finally see the writing on the wall. He wasted so much time being miserable!

As much as this hurtsand yes, go through the grieving processthe bottom line is she wants out of a life you built. That says more about her than it does you. Cry it out and then get strong. You are better than her disdain for your relationship.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #52  
Old 01-20-2021, 11:05 PM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 42
350 Mag is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
Why would you want to be with someone who hasn�t loved you for a decade? You both stayed for the kids sure but she admitted she didn�t love you. If my husband said he didn�t love me anymore I would be packing my shit and moving on. I would rather be alone than miserable or around someone who is miserable. Or I might look at what is making that person miserable and work on it if possible. I really don�t get you. One of the first things you learn in therapy is you cant change someone else�s behaviour you can only change your reaction to it. Your reaction should be �pack your shit and get the fuck out of my life�.

My husbands ex married him to have kids. Plain and simple. It took him several years to realize she would never be happy but by then he stayed for the kids. She was emotionally abusive and destroyed his life. It took a major health issue for him to finally see the writing on the wall. He wasted so much time being miserable!

As much as this hurts�and yes, go through the grieving process�the bottom line is she wants out of a life you built. That says more about her than it does you. Cry it out and then get strong. You are better than her disdain for your relationship.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Thanks for that....
Reply With Quote
  #53  
Old 01-26-2021, 06:08 PM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 42
350 Mag is on a distinguished road
Default

Wife is moving out this weekend.

We are trying to keep communicating....but Its very hard....she can barely stand me around.

I am going to write her a letter before she leaves.

I will explain that I support her decision.

But I will also ask that she keep an open mind and heart.

Not begging her to change her mind.

Just saying that her feelings can change and some women do go back.

I know this is not the correct way of thinking as it might push her even farther away.

I am getting better and stronger each day.

Not falling apart....keeping up with friends and trying to look and be happy.

Our problems are not insurmountable.....as she thinks.

Time heals all wounds...and just maybe IF I give her space and time to think....make positive changes that she will see it's possible for her to find the love she once had.

We were so deeply in love for 15 +years. Just the grind of life and raising kids put strain on our marriage and I should have done more to express my love towards her.

I don't think love goes away....it's just overwhelmed by feelings of sadness, lonliness and bitterness.

Thanks for all the support.

I learned alot.

And it's not the end of the world....
Reply With Quote
  #54  
Old 01-26-2021, 07:50 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,059
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

This sounds really controlling. Like she doesnt have her own mind and needs time to see the error of her ways. Let her go, dont write the letter and get a therapist already.

Seriously, she wants out. LET HER GO. Like the saying goes if you love something set it free.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #55  
Old 01-27-2021, 08:00 AM
Alpinist Alpinist is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: Colorado
Posts: 59
Alpinist is on a distinguished road
Default

This is my experience. 7 years ago I received the 'I no longer love you' speech from my ex. We had wonderful beautiful kids together and had been together 13 years, just out of high school. It blew me away. I was devastated. I did not believe it. He lived in the house with me for the next year. I read numerous how to save your marriage books. I was still in love and could not understand what was happening. He waffled in and out of the house for the next year. While deciding if he wanted to remain in the marriage. I tried to play the perfect wife, work out, look nice, try to have fun together and remain busy. I was staying with my ex while he 'tried to decide' if he wished to stay in the marriage. It was Excruciatingly painful to say the least.

Exactly one year later again on Valentine's he left me again, for real this time. The day he left was the worst day of my life. Like you I couldn't understand how someone you were married too and shared a life with could act in such a way and no longer care about the marriage. The weekend after he left he introduced our very young children to a woman 'friend' and her children. It was his coworker whom he'd been having an affair with.

A year and a half later I met and started dating a wonderful man. He takes good care of me and cares about my feelings. He holds my hand when we are out and about and makes me feel loved in a way I never knew was possible! Every day he acts very silly just to see me laugh. It makes me wonder why I fought so hard to stay with a man who was very cold and unloving and never really cared about me or my feelings. I think that it took me being out of the marriage to realize that our marriage wasn't meant to be. To be with a man that didn't care about me or my feelings was so painful.. I feel very happy and fulfilled now.
Reply With Quote
  #56  
Old 01-27-2021, 09:19 AM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 42
350 Mag is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by Alpinist View Post
This is my experience. 7 years ago I received the 'I no longer love you' speech from my ex. We had wonderful beautiful kids together and had been together 13 years, just out of high school. It blew me away. I was devastated. I did not believe it. He lived in the house with me for the next year. I read numerous how to save your marriage books. I was still in love and could not understand what was happening. He waffled in and out of the house for the next year. While deciding if he wanted to remain in the marriage. I tried to play the perfect wife, work out, look nice, try to have fun together and remain busy. I was staying with my ex while he 'tried to decide' if he wished to stay in the marriage. It was Excruciatingly painful to say the least.

Exactly one year later again on Valentine's he left me again, for real this time. The day he left was the worst day of my life. Like you I couldn't understand how someone you were married too and shared a life with could act in such a way and no longer care about the marriage. The weekend after he left he introduced our very young children to a woman 'friend' and her children. It was his coworker whom he'd been having an affair with.

A year and a half later I met and started dating a wonderful man. He takes good care of me and cares about my feelings. He holds my hand when we are out and about and makes me feel loved in a way I never knew was possible! Every day he acts very silly just to see me laugh. It makes me wonder why I fought so hard to stay with a man who was very cold and unloving and never really cared about me or my feelings. I think that it took me being out of the marriage to realize that our marriage wasn't meant to be. To be with a man that didn't care about me or my feelings was so painful.. I feel very happy and fulfilled now.
It's a roller coaster for sure ....

It is the worst feeling in the world to lose the one you still love.

I am NOT sure Love ever lasts past the "gaga" phase(the first 3 years)....after that you start to discover exactly who your married too.

In my wife's case, she went in with blinders on....and after a few years of marriage I think she wanted out.

But she thought, maybe if we have kids it will improve our marriage.

It's what happens when different personalities marry....opposites attract but they shouldn't marry.

I still love her.

She still has feelings for me, I know....but they have become covered over by pain and bitterness.

Not sure IF time away will help but I can only hope.

Instead of being retired in 8 years....I am now facing working alot later.

She even thinks her mom should have divorced her dad....because she thinks he treats her like a doormat.

My wife is a very kind, loving , nuturing woman.

She is beautiful on the inside and the outside.

But she doesn't really like me anymore....so I don't get ANY of the that anymore....just contempt.

It's very hard....BUT I am going to let her go, not going to pursue her....I will communicate BUT only about kids, or financial needs.

If she contacts me I will respond politely BUT I will never instigate a conversation.

Going to avoid her as much as possible to give her time to think.

Maybe 1 in 1000 chance she will miss me....but I think she will be with another guy ASAP just to gain "closure" with me....and probably to "hurt" me as well.

I will be glad to have her out of house....and I will have custody of both kids.

I think that will play well IF we go to court that she left before signing any documents....and left her kids behind.

I paid for the entire house....from downpayment, to all the mortgage payments, insurance, and taxes.

She never paid for anything.
Reply With Quote
  #57  
Old 01-27-2021, 01:55 PM
Janus's Avatar
Janus Janus is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 2,656
Janus will become famous soon enoughJanus will become famous soon enough
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by 350 Mag View Post
I paid for the entire house....from downpayment, to all the mortgage payments, insurance, and taxes.

She never paid for anything.
Remember when you quit your job to take care of the children?

No, you don't, because you didn't.

Your spouse paid for half the house. You paid for it by working outside of the home, she paid for it by working inside of the home.

If you didn't like that arrangement, why did you agree to it for twenty years? It's a little late in the game to be complaining about it now.
Reply With Quote
  #58  
Old 01-27-2021, 01:57 PM
Kinso Kinso is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 378
Kinso is an unknown quantity at this point
Default

Quote:
Remember when you quit your job to take care of the children?

No, you don't, because you didn't.

Your spouse paid for half the house. You paid for it by working outside of the home, she paid for it by working inside of the home.

If you didn't like that arrangement, why did you agree to it for twenty years? It's a little late in the game to be complaining about it now.
*Drops mic* Boom.
Reply With Quote
  #59  
Old 01-27-2021, 02:17 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 6,059
rockscan will become famous soon enoughrockscan will become famous soon enough
Default

A lot of what you said makes me believe you had treated her like a doormat for years and she grew to resent you. But hey its ok because you loved her. Except it doesnt sound like you did. Your posts are full of complete disregard for her feelings. That she couldnt possibly have been unhappy since you had a great life etc.

The comment about paying for everything was the kicker. She raised your kids and took care of your home. She gave up her life for you. Maybe one day you will realize that and stop making it all about you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Reply With Quote
  #60  
Old 01-27-2021, 05:27 PM
350 Mag 350 Mag is offline
Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 42
350 Mag is on a distinguished road
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by rockscan View Post
A lot of what you said makes me believe you had treated her like a doormat for years and she grew to resent you. But hey its ok because you loved her. Except it doesn�t sound like you did. Your posts are full of complete disregard for her feelings. That she couldn�t possibly have been unhappy since you had a great life etc.

The comment about paying for everything was the kicker. She raised your kids and took care of your home. She gave up her life for you. Maybe one day you will realize that and stop making it all about you.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

She quit her job against my wishes.

We had a nice home before we moved.

After we moved we were down to one salary

She constantly complained our new home wasn't nice enough, we didn't have enough savings, nor did we have any rental properties like her sister

She had a bunch of unrealistic expectations of what we could accomplish on 1 salary vs 2.
.
You guys have pretty much answered my questions...= I am going to get screwed over for the rest of my life....
Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Seperation agreement walhalla Divorce & Family Law 12 07-09-2019 08:21 AM
Seperation Agreement denied access anonwhocares Divorce & Family Law 7 09-17-2010 01:27 PM
Bankrupcy and seperation stuckinthecircle Financial Issues 7 10-05-2009 07:40 PM
Spousal support in common law seperation today Common Law Issues 6 05-28-2006 12:10 AM
Business entitlement of assets after seperation date? hubby Financial Issues 2 03-29-2006 01:08 PM


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:07 AM.