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  • How soon can I get divorced?

    Hi

    We got married in September of 2012. Would I be able to a divorce if I waited exactly one year before starting the process (seeing a lawyer etc)

    I'm confused with the whole 'separation date' thing.
    Would I need to try and convince a judge that we separated on the day we were married? (I know it makes no sense to say that)

    If one year goes by, do you still have to try and prove that separation occurred on such and such a date?

    We slept in separate beds and ate separately before we got married. Same thing now, we are not intimate together ever, never eat meals together. We live like roommates who barely know each other.

  • #2
    Given your situation, proving the day of separation will be hard. I'd pick the day after you were last intimate. The main thing is you would both have to agree. You can file for divorce one year after your separation date, or sooner if adultery or abuse is involved (and one of you admits to it). But you can start the process of a separation agreement anytime, and you can start the filing process before you reahc the one year mark.

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    • #3
      Can you do something tangible to indicate your separation, like change the names on your utility bills or close a joint bank account, showing that the status quo has changed? If you never slept together or shared anything at the time you got married, it might be hard to convince a judge that the status quo has changed and you are no longer living as you did when you were married, if you see what I mean.

      I agree, the important thing is that you and your stbx agree on a date that will serve as the separation date. You might want to write up a document that you both sign saying that you regard yourselves as living separate and apart as of date x. I don't know how legally strong what would be if s/he decides to challenge it, though.

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      • #4
        We slept in separate beds and ate separately before we got married. Same thing now, we are not intimate together ever, never eat meals together. We live like roommates who barely know each other.
        Sounds like a normal, happy marriage to me. What's the problem?

        Joking aside, the date you can dissolve your marriage is basically as described above...one year after your separation date (barring proveable adultery or an abuse situation).

        You can start gathering evidence..ie, start separating finances (closing joint accounts, taking pictures of you on vacation by yourself, etc, etc) but the easiest way is to get her to agree on a date. The day you got married or even the first 3 months, probably isn't going to fly with a judge unless you're trying for an annulment.

        I'm not sure what the grounds for that are though (i'm assuming its not consumating the marriage)...maybe someone else can chime if you're eligible for an annulment.

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        • #5
          why get married in the first place???

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          • #6
            Why get married. Good question, wish I hadn't.
            I thought all the anxiety I was feeling was because of the major life changes (engagement, wedding, honeymoon, car, house)... But it just never ended up going away like I thought it would.

            So we can't get divorced after one year of being married? We can only divorce after a full year of being separated?

            And since I can't say the date of separation is the date we got married, it will probably end up being 1.5 years or longer?

            We don't have any joint bank accounts and we each have bills in our own name.
            She pays bell and rogers, I pay enbridge and hydro.

            No money to go on vacation

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            • #7
              You need to wait one year after date of separation to get a divorce, put simply.

              If your spouse committed adultery or if any physical or mental cruelty occurred, then the waiting period is shorter, but taking action on these issues might also lead to more complications, legally speaking, and delays that would likely take a year anyway.

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              • #8
                If you were never intimate after you were married you can perhaps get an annulment. Its not that easy but if you both want it you might be able to do it.

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                • #9
                  Does anyone know anything about annulments? I don't believe there has been anything on the forum about this since I've been posting.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    If you were never intimate after you were married you can perhaps get an annulment. Its not that easy but if you both want it you might be able to do it.
                    I was thinking the same...

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                    • #11
                      I read something on it since I sgned my actual legal marriage document under pressure from my Ex a year so in my marriage. The gist of it is the following:
                      -Generally, you are dreaming
                      -If one person wants it and the other doesn't then also tough
                      -Don't use it to escape responsibilities (CS + SS)
                      -Even substantial errors/failures in the procedures won't invalidate the marriage
                      -Doing the Deed is part of sealing the agreement....

                      Just a summary of the points I read over, don't count on it for reliability - I was skimming.

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                      • #12
                        We did the deed one time... Guess we can't get an annullment. A psychologist did diagnose me with some disorders that could help to show how much anxiety I have. I did buy the ring and sit on it for a year because I was really not sure if it was what I wanted.

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                        • #13
                          What a sweet idea! Everyone can back date their separation to the date of marriage and effectively eliminate SS altogether.

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                          • #14
                            Did you live common law before getting married? Any children?

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                            • #15
                              Annulment - CanadianDivorceLaws.com

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