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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #21  
Old 05-14-2013, 06:39 AM
caranna caranna is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mess View Post


Pay close attention: If she enters the premises, you feel threatened. Don't forget that. This will give you cause for a restraining order. Don't argue, don't hesitate, don't be strong and tough, just call the police and state that a crazy ex-girlfriend just broke into your house and is threatening you. Don't say anything about being married, just get her out and file for a restraining order immediately. Don't be brave and calm and explain that this is your separated wife and you would like the police to tell her to leave. Think about what I'm saying here.
Mess, I'm surprised at you. Your comments are usually very rational and well thought out. The OP asked for a answer to a simple question, not to have the pot stirred. Who of us needs more conflict?

And your advice to tell the police that his wife is just a "crazy girlfriend"? How would that contribute to his credibility? Oh my.
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  #22  
Old 05-14-2013, 09:08 AM
FightingForFamily FightingForFamily is offline
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I think it's very unlikely she would move back to his city and try to move in, but if she did, I don't strongly disagree with what Mess said. If he says it any other way, the cops will just leave and won't do anything. It's also a different situation than most since his home is NOT her legal residence.

If you tell the cops that this is not her legal residence and she can't stay here, they SHOULD make her leave... but yet I seriously doubt that they would. When I asked the cops to help me return home, they checked my ID to confirm it was my legal residence before they did anything.

Regarding equalization, the default is that she is entitled to half of your equity. You married her, that's part of the deal.

You can fight and fight hard to keep more than that, but it will likely cost you thousands to fight for unequal division of assets. I would speak to a lawyer, but you need to consider carefully how much money you are really talking about.

Speaking from my experiences, if you all you have to give her is half the equity in your house, that's VERY low compared to most divorces. They say it's 50/50 but in my experience it's been 80/20 due to lies and I'm a wage slave to my ex wife in the form of alimony for many years.
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  #23  
Old 05-14-2013, 10:28 AM
SadAndTired SadAndTired is offline
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Originally Posted by RainB View Post
My objective is to get divorced asap in order to re-marry.
Just to understand, you have been separated five months and you want a divorce to remarry asap? You might want to give some time (and hopefully perspective) before you consider a new marriage.
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  #24  
Old 05-14-2013, 10:42 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Originally Posted by SadAndTired View Post
Just to understand, you have been separated five months and you want a divorce to remarry asap? You might want to give some time (and hopefully perspective) before you consider a new marriage.

I can only say AMEN!

I dived into a relationship right after separation, despite counselling and books that suggested I wait. Needless to say they were right. Separation is a traumatic event, and you need time and perspective to come through it. If this person is right for you, you and she should be able to have a relationship for a longer period before you jump into marriage again. It isn't fair to the relationship or your new partner to rush, you need to work through the process. I know that the negotiations, and legal fights play a toll on any new relationship, and if you want a lasting relationship, you owe it to yourself to get through the divorce process, work through the anger, bitterness and sadness, before you fully committ to someone new.
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  #25  
Old 05-14-2013, 11:03 AM
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Janus Janus is offline
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
So Janus, does this mean that you feel it is correct to advise someone to make a false accusation?
Ethically, it is terribly wrong. False accusations subvert any hope the legal system has of providing a just solution.

Practically though, false accusations are devastatingly effective. The advice was spot on.

So, was it correct? I guess it depends on your definition of the word . Frankly, I consider family law to be utterly broken anyway, so I'm not as bothered by the ethical implications as I would normally be. I shouldn't punch somebody in the face. However, if the recipient of the punch is an asshole, it is hard to get all worked up about it.
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  #26  
Old 05-14-2013, 11:24 AM
DowntroddenDad DowntroddenDad is offline
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Originally Posted by Janus View Post
Ethically, it is terribly wrong. False accusations subvert any hope the legal system has of providing a just solution.

Practically though, false accusations are devastatingly effective. The advice was spot on.

So, was it correct? I guess it depends on your definition of the word . Frankly, I consider family law to be utterly broken anyway, so I'm not as bothered by the ethical implications as I would normally be. I shouldn't punch somebody in the face. However, if the recipient of the punch is an asshole, it is hard to get all worked up about it.
Personally, I couldn't do it or live with myself. That would be resorting to the same tactics my ex used and I despised. I think for my own mental health, its better to take the high road.
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  #27  
Old 05-14-2013, 01:34 PM
Mess Mess is offline
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Originally Posted by caranna View Post
Mess, I'm surprised at you. Your comments are usually very rational and well thought out.
I think you are meaning to say that if you agree with me, then my comments are rational and well thought out. But, if you disagree with me, then they are not.
Quote:
The OP asked for a answer to a simple question, not to have the pot stirred. Who of us needs more conflict?
The OP was worried about his ex trying to move back in. If he feels I am stirring his pot, he can let me know.

Quote:
And your advice to tell the police that his wife is just a "crazy girlfriend"? How would that contribute to his credibility? Oh my.
you are misquoting me. I said 'ex,' which she is. I am advising that any matrimonail connect can be brought up later, because the police are known to not take sides in a matrimonial dispute. The situation would require a person with no business on the property to be removed.

Tell me, Caranna, if you woke up and went down to get breakfast and found your ex had hired a locksmith and had moved back in during the night, would you feel safe and secure in your own home, or would you feel threatened? Would you feel the police should protect you? Would you feel that because a divorce order had not been finalized that the police should support your ex's right to be in the home? Would you feel that a male should have the same protections as a female?
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  #28  
Old 05-14-2013, 01:39 PM
Mess Mess is offline
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Originally Posted by arabian View Post
I believe you are giving very poor advice.
Sorry, what useful advice are you giving?
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Coaching someone to set someone up with bogus complaint to get a restraining order is outrageous Mess.
It is not a "bogus complaint" to feel threatened if an ex has moved out for 5 months and then suddenly is deciding they can move back in. It is very real to feel threatened. If this happened to you, you would be on here crying for help.
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  #29  
Old 05-14-2013, 01:44 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Tell me, Caranna, if you woke up and went down to get breakfast and found your ex had hired a locksmith and had moved back in during the night, would you feel safe and secure in your own home, or would you feel threatened? Would you feel the police should protect you? Would you feel that because a divorce order had not been finalized that the police should support your ex's right to be in the home? Would you feel that a male should have the same protections as a female?
Well....as a female...I never felt safe during my in-home separation. I know a lot of men on this forum probably felt the same way (FB, for instance). However, I had no honest grounds to call the police and file for a restraining order. It was his house, as well as, mine...and although he was loud and it occasionally scared me...he had a legal right to be there...same as I did. As we advise many on this forum, I took reasonable steps to protect myself inside the jointly-owned matrimonial home.

Does the legal owner's presence within their home qualify you to call the police with an unsubstiated threat?

More importantly, what are the police going to do about it? Probably not a hell of a lot and how does it affect your credibility in a family law case going forward having done this? lol...Female or not...there's a certain barrier of proof required here. They don't just hand over restraining orders for nothing.

My ex repeatedly violated my space, removed locks, removed my personal items, hacked into my laptop, etc...nothing was actionable. Some of it he even admitted to a custody evaluator and it had zero effect.

I think more reasonable advice would be for the OP to start making arrangements inside the home, in the event, they have to go through an in-home separation...which is pretty standard stuff these days.
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  #30  
Old 05-14-2013, 01:50 PM
Pursuinghappiness Pursuinghappiness is offline
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Quote:
...just call the police and state that a crazy ex-girlfriend just broke into your house and is threatening you. Don't say anything about being married, just get her out and file for a restraining order immediately.
I'm sorry but lying to the cops on a statement that can be brought into court isn't really a good idea. There's a big difference between a "crazy ex-girlfriend" and a "separated spouse" who has legal rights to the marital home...regardless of only having lived there for a short period of time.
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