I went through a very difficult seperation in 2005.
I had been married to a childhood friend and it was a very very long marriage.
In 2004 there was dramatic changes in my spouses behaviour.. as he had started a few years prior, a new Business that was becoming very successful. In 2005, he started to be absent from home for long durations and he rarely called home.. his business files started to mysteriously disappeared from his desk until there were none...
We had heated discussions about his actions but he continued to keep me in the dark about his business and finances. The children saw us argue alot.
Finally in July 2005, I found just one cell phone record in his desk with a strong indication he was having some kind of secret relationship with a woman from CRA.
In his line of work, he had the ability to do underground economy work or take cash from the type of business he was in.. and I had seen him do it in the past.
It was also strange how just one record was left in his desk without any other business files stored..it was like he was trying to drive me to leave the family home. I had lost alot of weight over the months and had sought medical help for the issues. I cna get my documentation from this time.
Shortly post seperation, I was able to retrieve cell phone records back 6 months to discover a daily relationship with a secret friend of many many minutes per day and I realized that I also knew very little about his work and I was not privy to his bank statements and he had password protected me from his computer files... I had a sinking feeling in my gut.
He was also seeing an accountant but would not take my annual return along with his.. He finally gave me one year return and I realized that he was starting to make a very very good salary.
The seperation began.. and I had experienced extensive psychological and financial distress as he was often absent and then when home he was accusative and verbally abusive ..strongly indicating he was not happy and did not want me in his life. We had been grade school friends and our parents resided on the same street. For several moths pre and psot spereration, I felt I was experiencing a nightmare.
I sought legal help immediatley but I also spent many months in therapy trying to understand the behaviour of narcissism. I had known this man since childhood and had been very much affected by his mental and financial abuse towards me over time. It is hard to recognize abuse when you have been in it for so long and from so young and I now had two adult children as well. I worried for my children's mental health too..
They lived with me while seperated while their dad rented a bungalow down the street.. It was the home of a Business associate and had perks with a pool, but he did not want his kids with him. In the baby days, I had given up 5 years of my work for child rearing and later on I also gave up a career advancement... as my husband would not move with me to my new proposed job location in West canada.. I declined my new job and lost opportunity to advance to keep my family together.
On my journey to seek help.. I experienced much difficulty with the legal aid I sought. This was new to me and no one wanted to zero in on thepossibility of illegal business activities and no one focused on his abuse.. I ended up settling for less than I could have in court as things dragged on for two years.
He did not want to give me Spousal from day one and he kept dragging the final signing. He is a wheeler dealer person who always finds some person to barter or deal wtih, this is his nature.
He also desperately wanted the family home, though I begged him to sell it. He now resides there. It was a new home that I found and redesigned when at my first suggestion to move there, it took three years to convince him to do so.... I think control is another of his big needs..
It was my dream home and he got it. I could not afford to buy it but he could.. I think most women go backwards even though Spousal is designed to assist with this..The second week on the home acquisition in 2007, he had a hottub installed. Yes, he could maintain his lifestyle. He never took the kids in.. ever, but I have.
I ended up taking a lower Spousal amount than Chequemate calculated, but I really needed to move on after two years for my mental and phsyical wellbeing. I moved to a modest single home at half the value of my previous residence located in the country. Then I had to commute an hour each day to work. I bought what I could afford and I could not buy a single in the city at this price.
Now...From the initial Spousal signing in 2007, my Ex has been deliquent on several items in the Agreement and to date he has not fufilled four of his obligations to our legal signing. Since 2007, he has contacted me regularly with excuses to either lower on stop the payments.. It has been harassment, persistent and neverending and the payments have not always on time and lower as he sees fit.. I have been with FRO from the start but very little has been done for me by the provincial agency. I sent them an affadavit in July regarding arrears and months later..they had not taken action.
Before Christmas I received a letter form my Exs lawyer with a two week ultimatum to stop Spousal and to change the Agreement to his liking even though my Ex has been in arrears for a year now... The letter focused on ME not moving on with my life.. although I had to move from my family home and community and gym (after 10 years )and my Ex kept his old neighbourhood and friends.... This is psychological abuse again.. blaming me for what he wants.
I have started over, I do volunteer Community work and I focus on new ways to make my life better in value that is not based on money, but my Ex DOES have a legal obligation to meet and he is twisting the truth like he always has to suit his selfish needs.
This week I was served a document. In it he finally disclosed three years of his CRA filings, which I had asked for annually. I realized now he had made an extremely good salary for several years and that he did not want me to know. Now, he is going to use sickness and disability to prove he is making the same salary as I am and now he wants to retire.
It is again a continuation of his behaviour that I must deal with.. He has written innuendos in his served papers about my private post life and accuses me of his taking on debt to 'pay' me his equalization. It is too twisted to think about, yet I brought in a salary and he got the family home.. it is too much.. I suspect he is trying to push and push me again..so I will back down and turn off the spousal payment. Again psychological abuse.
I am a good, woman with a strong set of values and deep love for my children.. He uses this to win and he still manipulates the children when he is theri presence.. Oftenthey don't see it..it takes an expert to amke you realize the consequences of dealing with persons with these disorders.He believes he is entitled to more and now has a very very rich girlfriend. Go figure life..I have asked him many times to split the divorce cost but it falls on deaf ears..
Instead he sends me a letter that I should move on with my life.. I believe he wants me to solely pay for the Divoce papers.
I need to stand up for my rights as a woman and mother and to stop this abuse that is projected on me by him.. this will never stop unless he is told by a judge what respect I deserve financially and emotionally.. I need very good help.. a lawyer who can exceptionally manage this type of individual with all his convoluted versions and lies.. that is what it will take. I have often wanted to just walk away, perhaps life is too short. I must live with my decision but then he will get his way and justice will not be served.. He thinks he is above the law.
I have moved on and have met a very nice man, who treats me with the utmost respect.. but my Ex has a responsiibility to our life together of 28 years. My Ex had a secret girlfriend from CRA during our married life and made an exceptioanl salary and I helped him start his business...... I have all the details and paperwork stored that verifies and confirms my story and the cell phone records too.. The CRA lady got quickly out of his life.. maybe she was worried about her job. I think she was doing accounting work entries on the side but they never disclosed to me what the nature of their contact was..he called her at her work and home almost daily..
Also in my basement of my home... there was a very elaborate telephone system setup on one wall.. I never knew what this was for.. and he probably needed it for his work and that is why he was pushing to take the family home.. though he still resides there.
Now, I am being taken to court to be accused of falsehoods.Please, give me some good advice on how to proceed. I have thirty days to defer my court date and I need to focus on what is relevant to this story..
I would take a buyout and ask for my divorce papers paid.. Do I have a chance to win at this and for a judge to truly recognize my Ex's behaviour and his ability to lie and to not dislose truthfully. He is the best liar.. and he will if it means a win...
He has continually told our children he 'pays' me and this is so wrong to imply. He inquires about my life, then uses the information to suit his needs. I deserved the Equalization and Spousal after 28 years of life together. This is so damaging to the relationship between me and my children afer all the years of dscord together and for some reason they are often swayed by his version of things. He is the ultimate manipulator. It is actually emotional and mental abuse of my children designed to hurt me. When will it stop and how do I do that??? I need expert advice.
I had been married to a childhood friend and it was a very very long marriage.
In 2004 there was dramatic changes in my spouses behaviour.. as he had started a few years prior, a new Business that was becoming very successful. In 2005, he started to be absent from home for long durations and he rarely called home.. his business files started to mysteriously disappeared from his desk until there were none...
We had heated discussions about his actions but he continued to keep me in the dark about his business and finances. The children saw us argue alot.
Finally in July 2005, I found just one cell phone record in his desk with a strong indication he was having some kind of secret relationship with a woman from CRA.
In his line of work, he had the ability to do underground economy work or take cash from the type of business he was in.. and I had seen him do it in the past.
It was also strange how just one record was left in his desk without any other business files stored..it was like he was trying to drive me to leave the family home. I had lost alot of weight over the months and had sought medical help for the issues. I cna get my documentation from this time.
Shortly post seperation, I was able to retrieve cell phone records back 6 months to discover a daily relationship with a secret friend of many many minutes per day and I realized that I also knew very little about his work and I was not privy to his bank statements and he had password protected me from his computer files... I had a sinking feeling in my gut.
He was also seeing an accountant but would not take my annual return along with his.. He finally gave me one year return and I realized that he was starting to make a very very good salary.
The seperation began.. and I had experienced extensive psychological and financial distress as he was often absent and then when home he was accusative and verbally abusive ..strongly indicating he was not happy and did not want me in his life. We had been grade school friends and our parents resided on the same street. For several moths pre and psot spereration, I felt I was experiencing a nightmare.
I sought legal help immediatley but I also spent many months in therapy trying to understand the behaviour of narcissism. I had known this man since childhood and had been very much affected by his mental and financial abuse towards me over time. It is hard to recognize abuse when you have been in it for so long and from so young and I now had two adult children as well. I worried for my children's mental health too..
They lived with me while seperated while their dad rented a bungalow down the street.. It was the home of a Business associate and had perks with a pool, but he did not want his kids with him. In the baby days, I had given up 5 years of my work for child rearing and later on I also gave up a career advancement... as my husband would not move with me to my new proposed job location in West canada.. I declined my new job and lost opportunity to advance to keep my family together.
On my journey to seek help.. I experienced much difficulty with the legal aid I sought. This was new to me and no one wanted to zero in on thepossibility of illegal business activities and no one focused on his abuse.. I ended up settling for less than I could have in court as things dragged on for two years.
He did not want to give me Spousal from day one and he kept dragging the final signing. He is a wheeler dealer person who always finds some person to barter or deal wtih, this is his nature.
He also desperately wanted the family home, though I begged him to sell it. He now resides there. It was a new home that I found and redesigned when at my first suggestion to move there, it took three years to convince him to do so.... I think control is another of his big needs..
It was my dream home and he got it. I could not afford to buy it but he could.. I think most women go backwards even though Spousal is designed to assist with this..The second week on the home acquisition in 2007, he had a hottub installed. Yes, he could maintain his lifestyle. He never took the kids in.. ever, but I have.
I ended up taking a lower Spousal amount than Chequemate calculated, but I really needed to move on after two years for my mental and phsyical wellbeing. I moved to a modest single home at half the value of my previous residence located in the country. Then I had to commute an hour each day to work. I bought what I could afford and I could not buy a single in the city at this price.
Now...From the initial Spousal signing in 2007, my Ex has been deliquent on several items in the Agreement and to date he has not fufilled four of his obligations to our legal signing. Since 2007, he has contacted me regularly with excuses to either lower on stop the payments.. It has been harassment, persistent and neverending and the payments have not always on time and lower as he sees fit.. I have been with FRO from the start but very little has been done for me by the provincial agency. I sent them an affadavit in July regarding arrears and months later..they had not taken action.
Before Christmas I received a letter form my Exs lawyer with a two week ultimatum to stop Spousal and to change the Agreement to his liking even though my Ex has been in arrears for a year now... The letter focused on ME not moving on with my life.. although I had to move from my family home and community and gym (after 10 years )and my Ex kept his old neighbourhood and friends.... This is psychological abuse again.. blaming me for what he wants.
I have started over, I do volunteer Community work and I focus on new ways to make my life better in value that is not based on money, but my Ex DOES have a legal obligation to meet and he is twisting the truth like he always has to suit his selfish needs.
This week I was served a document. In it he finally disclosed three years of his CRA filings, which I had asked for annually. I realized now he had made an extremely good salary for several years and that he did not want me to know. Now, he is going to use sickness and disability to prove he is making the same salary as I am and now he wants to retire.
It is again a continuation of his behaviour that I must deal with.. He has written innuendos in his served papers about my private post life and accuses me of his taking on debt to 'pay' me his equalization. It is too twisted to think about, yet I brought in a salary and he got the family home.. it is too much.. I suspect he is trying to push and push me again..so I will back down and turn off the spousal payment. Again psychological abuse.
I am a good, woman with a strong set of values and deep love for my children.. He uses this to win and he still manipulates the children when he is theri presence.. Oftenthey don't see it..it takes an expert to amke you realize the consequences of dealing with persons with these disorders.He believes he is entitled to more and now has a very very rich girlfriend. Go figure life..I have asked him many times to split the divorce cost but it falls on deaf ears..
Instead he sends me a letter that I should move on with my life.. I believe he wants me to solely pay for the Divoce papers.
I need to stand up for my rights as a woman and mother and to stop this abuse that is projected on me by him.. this will never stop unless he is told by a judge what respect I deserve financially and emotionally.. I need very good help.. a lawyer who can exceptionally manage this type of individual with all his convoluted versions and lies.. that is what it will take. I have often wanted to just walk away, perhaps life is too short. I must live with my decision but then he will get his way and justice will not be served.. He thinks he is above the law.
I have moved on and have met a very nice man, who treats me with the utmost respect.. but my Ex has a responsiibility to our life together of 28 years. My Ex had a secret girlfriend from CRA during our married life and made an exceptioanl salary and I helped him start his business...... I have all the details and paperwork stored that verifies and confirms my story and the cell phone records too.. The CRA lady got quickly out of his life.. maybe she was worried about her job. I think she was doing accounting work entries on the side but they never disclosed to me what the nature of their contact was..he called her at her work and home almost daily..
Also in my basement of my home... there was a very elaborate telephone system setup on one wall.. I never knew what this was for.. and he probably needed it for his work and that is why he was pushing to take the family home.. though he still resides there.
Now, I am being taken to court to be accused of falsehoods.Please, give me some good advice on how to proceed. I have thirty days to defer my court date and I need to focus on what is relevant to this story..
I would take a buyout and ask for my divorce papers paid.. Do I have a chance to win at this and for a judge to truly recognize my Ex's behaviour and his ability to lie and to not dislose truthfully. He is the best liar.. and he will if it means a win...
He has continually told our children he 'pays' me and this is so wrong to imply. He inquires about my life, then uses the information to suit his needs. I deserved the Equalization and Spousal after 28 years of life together. This is so damaging to the relationship between me and my children afer all the years of dscord together and for some reason they are often swayed by his version of things. He is the ultimate manipulator. It is actually emotional and mental abuse of my children designed to hurt me. When will it stop and how do I do that??? I need expert advice.
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