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  • Originally posted by Tayken View Post
    The burden of proof falls on the requesting parent. Furthermore, very few (if any) medical practitioners will recommend children attend these ad-hock "therapy" sessions which have NO CLINICAL COMPONENT to them. If the child needs help and support then it should be provided by a LICENSED AND REGISTERED MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL IN ACCORDANCE WITH THE HEALTH ACT AND OTHER GOVERNING LAWS.
    I Agree ^^

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    • I have to address ex on 2 things via e-mail:

      1. Do not consent to therapy
      2. Need to give timeline for reply on March Break

      I'm a friggen mess trying to get the wording right. I dont really want it to seem like Im telling her to see a physician either. It's all BS. D3's doing great. I know .. short, concise, factual. I get it. It's just tough when you know it's going straight to court for the judge to read.

      Perhaps I'll sleep on it. lol

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      • Maybe you should just keep it simple and state you do not consent to therapy as you have not witnessed any issues withD3 that would require any therapy.

        Maybe point out that you took the parenting classes and have been a le to transisition d3 without any issues.

        The March Break should be a separate email. Forward your original email requesting March Break time and confirm your request.

        I jave sent you a request for a shared time of March Break period. I have offered you the choice of times. i would appreciate a response by Friday February 20th, 2015 by 4 pm or otherwise I assume you are agreeable with the plan for me to pick up D3 on Wednesday as usual and drop her off on Sunday. Put the exact dates and times. Make it clear.

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        • This seems like it should be straightforward. What is the information that you believe Mom needs to know? Not the justifications, explanations, defenses, rationalizations, calculations, etc., because you don't want to get into a conversation with her - just the simplest form of the information?

          To me it sounds something like this:

          Dear Mom,

          I spoke with the professional running the children's group whose name and number you gave me. Based on our conversation, I do not believe this group is appropriate for Kid. Therefore I do not give my permission for her to take part. If you would like Kid to be assessed by a psychologist with experience with children, I would be willing to source some names of local professionals through my employee benefits programme so that we could choose one. Please let me know if you would like me to pursue this course of action.

          Concerning March break, I propose that I pick up Kid from you at place on date/time and return her to you at place on date/time. If you would like to suggest an alternative arrangement, please let me know as soon as possible. If I have not heard from you by date/time, I will assume you agree with the arrangement I have proposed, and will be at place on date/time to collect Kid.

          Sincerely,

          Dad

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          • Stripes you got it.

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            • Thanks guys. Ill stop annoying you about this now. lol E-mails make me nervous with my ex.

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              • FWIW I agree that requiring GP's recommendation is artificial/unnecessary, and so could be construed as obstructive. Better to go with the real reason (I don't see any problems).

                To me, it would make more sense for the PARENTS (officially both of you ... but really, your ex) to attend some 'co-parenting after divorce' counselling in order to learn how best to support your D3. Could you make that your counter-proposal?

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                • Totally DinkyFace

                  Why send the kid to talk to more strangers when ex could be learning and informing herself through "Parenting After Separation" classes.

                  I think it was Stripes (Or SOTS) who said a while back that it was a good idea that parents say their bye's quickly and not stick around and prolong the transition. My ex comes right to my car for her 3rd good bye, her 3rd hug. By then D3 begins to get agitated a tad.

                  After I mentioned in the comm. book about just saying our bye's from our cars and not entering my vehicle she basically replied that she will continue to do as she sees fit, even if it means coming to my vehicle. I didn't respond.

                  If ex is mentioned in my household when D3 is here .. it's always positive. I know the emotional consequences if I don't. Does my ex? I hope so. Calling me a "bad daddy" is not a good start.

                  Parenting course would help her realize these things. SC judge even recommended it for her. Same goes for the MIP. I learned so much from my MIP. It discusses mediation, staying out of court, etc.

                  The onus should be on the parents first and foremost to learn about all of this so they can apply it. I'm very careful to always say that mommy and daddy both love her and that nothing is her fault.

                  Ex seems so dead set on inventing/anticipating problems with D3 that she's forgetting to educate herself on how to make things better. There must be a reason that the maladaptive behaviors are occurring strictly in her home.

                  I work with kids. I study behavior and construct interventions. Let me tell you I had a lot to learn after separation. My education nor my experiences matter to me. All that matter's is having the toolkit to assist my daughter in any way shape or form. I could care less about my background or my pride. I'll take course after course if I have to.

                  I hope my ex follows suit at some point.
                  Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-16-2015, 12:40 AM.

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                  • Have you met my dead horse Charlie? I promise I won't bring him again to this topic.......

                    LF, I truly don't get it. You say your daughter is just fine, thriving and happy at your house. Her behaviours are consistent with any three year old with an intact family. Surely you recognize this.

                    If your ex is "inventing/anticipating problems", it is because she is hostile or manipulative or coached by someone or suffering from some sort of mental health problem or something........ Not because she needs parenting information to help deal with D3. Do you really think taking "course after course" will help an aggressive ex? Help a normal three year old? Help your stress level?

                    D3 is thriving = no one needs counselling/education. Not even you. Why do you keep talking about what you can do?

                    If your ex has an agenda = no amount of parenting education will fix that.

                    Charlie and I will go now.

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                    • I'm guessing LF knows this --- it's all just optics for the judge.

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                      • I have to agree with S & T and will add: you can't rationalize with an irrational person.

                        Your ex is simply trying desperately to trip you up. Recognize it for what it is and detach. I'd have little or nothing to say to her. You have the right to simply say a resounding "no" with no explanation. Let her skewer herself by bringing up your refusal and at that time you can offer explanation if a judge so requests.

                        If your ex is supposed to have attended an after separation counselling session then mention that at the SC. Keep focus on parenting plan and all those other things that Mr. T. listed.

                        Don't worry too much about how you will come off or appear to a judge. It was your ex that abducted the child and who has been ordered to ensure there is access. You have done nothing wrong.

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                        • Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                          Have you met my dead horse Charlie? I promise I won't bring him again to this topic.......

                          LF, I truly don't get it. You say your daughter is just fine, thriving and happy at your house. Her behaviours are consistent with any three year old with an intact family. Surely you recognize this.

                          If your ex is "inventing/anticipating problems", it is because she is hostile or manipulative or coached by someone or suffering from some sort of mental health problem or something........ Not because she needs parenting information to help deal with D3. Do you really think taking "course after course" will help an aggressive ex? Help a normal three year old? Help your stress level?

                          D3 is thriving = no one needs counselling/education. Not even you. Why do you keep talking about what you can do?

                          If your ex has an agenda = no amount of parenting education will fix that.

                          Charlie and I will go now.
                          Here's my 2 cents worth on this ... LF32 is in the same boat as I am. He's suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress and is attempting to "fix" things in any way he can think of.

                          I've been through this and it seems obvious to me. He's trying to get his Ex to behave rationally, normally and to think of the best interests of their child. Will it work? NO. Will LF32 stop trying? it's doubtful, as his reactions are caused by fear and lack of self-confidence due to how he was treated (very badly).

                          It's hard to let go of the expectation that crazee Ex will get with the program and do what's right. It's even harder to accept that in time the Courts will take notice of Ex's bad behavior (hopefully). It takes a lot of patience.

                          So far LF32 is doing everything right yet still feels he needs to prove what a good parent he is - I understand why he's going above and beyond ... he's over-compensating for Ex's lack of common sense. I've been there and can see it for what it is.

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                            Here's my 2 cents worth on this ... LF32 is in the same boat as I am. He's suffering from some sort of post traumatic stress and is attempting to "fix" things in any way he can think of.......

                            So far LF32 is doing everything right yet still feels he needs to prove what a good parent he is - I understand why he's going above and beyond ... he's over-compensating for Ex's lack of common sense. I've been there and can see it for what it is.
                            Fair enough Janibel. Thanks for the different perspective.

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                            • My partner has fallen into this rabbit hole of not understanding his ex's parenting approach. Its very hard to understand and not respond so Im with Janibel in the sense that you yourself try everything to "fix" the situation. As I, and others in this forum for LF32 see/say you cant fix stupid. We'll keep reiterating that hes doing whats right and best whereas his ex is unreasonable. Sooner or later LF32 (and my partner) will see the situation for what it is and be able to react with no reaction.

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                              • Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                                D3 is thriving = no one needs counselling/education. Not even you. Why do you keep talking about what you can do?
                                This journey has just begun. I'm of the opinion that just because D3 is thriving, it doesn't mean that I wont be faced with new challenges as this goes on. I keep talking about what can be done to assist my ex if D3 truly isn't doing well while in her care. Why? I love D3 and want what's best for her....whatever environment she's in.

                                Keep in mind D3 is thriving "here". If D3 is not at e's then it is an environmental issue as Tayken pointed out a while back. If this is true than it would be advantageous for ex to educate herself so that D3 could thrive in her environment also.

                                Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
                                If your ex has an agenda = no amount of parenting education will fix that?
                                You're right. This is the part I have problems with sometimes. Her agenda trumps what's best for D3.

                                Tell Charlie I say hi. I grew up on a farm. I love horses.


                                Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                                Will LF32 stop trying? it's doubtful, as his reactions are caused by fear and lack of self-confidence due to how he was treated (very badly).
                                Correct. I'm trying to pull the weight for both parents. Every step I've taken and spoken about is resolution-focused. Dinky said its "optics" for the judge. Correct! That's why I haven't said a word that she can use against me.

                                Originally posted by Janibel View Post
                                I understand why he's going above and beyond ... he's over-compensating for Ex's lack of common sense. I've been there and can see it for what it is.
                                Janibel, the above is 100% what's happening. You've been through it.
                                This is not a perspective. This is the truth.

                                The good thing is that Im not reacting. Being resolution-focused at every step. But not reacting the way ex wants. For instance, she didn't expect no reply to her denial of valentines/family day.
                                Last edited by LovingFather32; 02-16-2015, 11:09 AM.

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