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  • Sole custody and signing permission forms

    Hello, I am new to posting but have been following some good advice on here for the years it took us to make our way through family court and would really appreciate some input please. My STBX and I finally signed an agreement a month or so ago and in the agreement I was granted sole custody of our children but with a 50/50 access schedule. My question is this... Can my ex be signing permission forms for the children for school events/trips/course selection and approval without notifying me when I have sole custody and decision making?

    We communicate very little due to abuse, criminal charges and police involvement so communicating with him regarding the issue is difficult.

    Thank you very much in advance for any advice, I really appreciate it.

  • #2
    Did you tell the school that you have sole custody? They should not accept the permission forms from him. Though he can still see progress reports and such for the child.

    I just took a copy of the order to the school and left it with the principal to show that we have joint.

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    • #3
      Thank you for the reply. I have made the school aware verbally of the custody agreement however they do not have a copy of the agreement/order on file.

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      • #4
        The children are with you both 50/50 so he is an equal parent to them. I understand what you say about abuse and criminal charges but this apparently does not involve his parenting.

        Sole custody would certainly make sense in that you two would not communicate well or be able to make decisions together.

        How are the children harmed if he signs a permission form? Is this a problem about the children's well being, or is it a problem for you personally? Do you feel he is "trespassing" here in an area that should be yours?

        If he drops off the children at school and a form needs to be signed for that day, because it was forgotten earlier (something that happens with my kids constantly) would you rather the child miss the outing and sit alone at school?

        I'm sure you feel that the school administration should be more aware and efficient, but it is not like they asking some random parent walking down the hall to sign a permission form for your child. He is still their parent and he is responsible for their well-being while they are with him.

        What exactly is the conflict for you here?

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        • #5
          Whose parenting time do the trips happen on? If they occur on his time, I see no reason why he shouldnt be able to sign the forms. If they occur on your parenting time, then I don't think it is appropriate.

          I see little logic in him having to send you forms for you to sign for activities that occur on his time.

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          • #6
            You are correct that the abuse has nothing to do with the children and only with myself and I do not beleive that the children should be punished because of the issues between their parents.

            I am not concerned that the children will be harmed by him signing a persmission form nor do I feel that he is "trespassing". Perhaps an explanation of the two scenarios we've dealt with will explain my concerns.

            One child brought home a permission slip while he was with his father. His father signed and returned the form to the school. The field trip was scheduled to occur the following week while he was with me. However, the issue is that my ex refuses to communicate with me via email to notify me of issues with the children even though he has persmission from the Crown to email me with regards to issues with the children only. He refuses to reply to my emails and also does not email me to notify me of anything. As a result, by the time my son returned to my home just before the field trip, I had no knowledge of this trip at all. As a part of the package sent home by the school it had instructions on things the children would need to fully partake in the events of the day. As my ex did not inform me of anything regarding it, I sent my son to school that day as if it was a "normal" school day and he was not prepared with the items the school indicated. My ex did not prepare him for the trip as my assumption is that he felt that since the trip fell during my week that it was my responsibility to get these things together. As a result my son was able to go with his class but missed out on some of the activities that day.

            The other issue involved my oldest child who is in high school and had received his course selections for next semester. The schedule the school pre selected for him was not in his best interests as my son has learning issues and requires outside help with some of his school work. It is in his best interests to ensure that the "core" subjects with which he struggles are spread out through the 2 semester school year and not all jammed into the one semester to improve his chances of success. My ex signed off on this schedule and again did not notify me that this had been done. I have been able to rectify the schedule issue with the co-operation of the school so it is no longer an issue.

            All of this being said... I am just looking for a possible solution to avoiding issues such as these next school year so none of us have to deal with any additional stresses.

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            • #7
              Simplest answer is speak to the school to ensure that you are forwarded, via email or otherwise, all copies of forms. They will likely agree, but you will be lucky to see 25% of the forms sent.

              For the child in high school, it should be fairly easy to explain to the child that they need to read the form and check their calendar. If the activity happens on a week with mom, they are to give the form to mom and vice versa with dad. I think this is more a matter of training your children to give the form to the appropriate parent vs fighting this in court and incurring fees.

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              • #8
                Hi....OMG you are living my situation or should I say ....

                I know very well the dilemma of the ex signing forms, getting notes etc for things on my time, not passing on the information then me scrambling at the last minute because I had no idea. HammerDad is right...I asked the school to forward everything to me because of this issue...I am lucky if that happens about 50% of the time - the school can't even get 2 copies of the report cards right most of the time....

                I have to rely on the kids now....The standard Mom questions as soon as they come to my house were "How was the last x days?", "Did you get any notes from school?", "Anything coming up this week I should know about?".

                My guys (2 eight year olds and an 11 year old) have gotten used to writing a Note to Mom in their own private journals whenever there is something on the ex's time..... now they come through the door, I open the journals and am up to speed.... Added bonus....most of the notes are just a "thinking about you Mom", "Love you Mom", and "can't wait to see you Mom" or "Mom, I did xxx today and don't want to forget to tell you".

                Comment

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