Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Ex's partner returned my children late

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Ex's partner returned my children late

    what rights do I have if my ex's partner returned my kids 2 hours late and did not apologized when I warned him not to bring them late again?

    On top of that, he threatened me that he has loads of cash and will help her with lawyer fees, called me a sicko and told me to shut it and go into my house. This happened in my own driveway. Of course, I replied to get in his car and to get the hell out of my face.

    I do not trust him at all now that this has happened. She only knows him for 6 months and leaves him alone with them and lets him pick my daughter up at school alone, etc

    What are my rights as a concerned parent?

  • #2
    Unfortuneately with out a court order for police intervention not alot will be done. I learnt this the hard way. Gather documented facts and keep a detailed log. With just cause (proof of history) you may be sucessful in getting intervention. I am not acusing you of being such but the attitude of the police etc. is "whinning or what here" " It's a family matter and we don't get involved" .....stinks.... It is very hard when you are wondering where the children are. I know how you feel though as a Mom who is going thru this too and not to dicredit Dad's as there are times it's on the other foot too.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by pat View Post
      what rights do I have if my ex's partner returned my kids 2 hours late and did not apologized when I warned him not to bring them late again?
      Unfortunately, at this point there is not much you can do.
      As stated you would be well advised to keep a diary of the events and document the pick up and drop off times.
      You may be successful in getting your order re-worded to include a telephone call if they are going to be more then 30 minutes late.
      I think police intervention at this point to be extreme, as it appears as though this is just a matter of the ex trying to push your buttons.
      Apparently it's working.

      Originally posted by pat View Post
      On top of that, he threatened me that he has loads of cash and will help her with lawyer fees,
      Who is the "she" that you are talking about, this is a bit confusing.
      If he does have "loads of cash" it would have to be demonstrated in his T4's/CCRA notice of assessments for CS purposes. Otherwise this could easily be a case of him trying to make you think you left something great. Almost like, "look what you missed out on" and is all a show in the efforts to get your goat. Don't fall for it, and make sure to stand your ground with pick up and drop off.
      Formally ask for notification should he ever have an occasion where he is going to be late. That a simple courtesy call would be all that is necessary to eliminate any unnecessary worrying about the children's well being.

      If he ignores the written request, take your documentation of disregard of the children’s best interests to court for the alteration of the content to include such.

      Do not stoop to his level, as hard as it is sometimes.

      Comment


      • #4
        'She' is his ex, 'he' is the ex's partner.

        Comment


        • #5
          I agree with you FL that Intervention at this point maybe extreme but it is also usful if this person would show continual habits of this nature. Tha's why I also agree a journal is best. Hopefully nothing like that will have to happen.... but gives proof if needed.

          Comment


          • #6
            You should not deal with him. Your communciation regarding the children should be directly with her. It is her job to deal with him, not yours. If she does not, then she is neglecting the respect for the agreement regarding drop off times. It is hard, especially guy to guy when someone is dealing with your kids and on your property disrespecting your position, but I think the best way is to have as little contact with him as possible, and in the end that will help you and the kids the most. You have to be normal toward him in front of the kids though, as you don't want to invalidate their life of having mom's boyfriend taking part in their life - hard to do perhaps but essential if you are to be a true parent and put the kids well being first.

            The reality is that your ex can choose a jerk to pick up and drop off your kids and there is nothing you can do about it. Also, he will be the most receptive to her view of you and probably even want to see you as worse than she does, so don't deal with him. It sucks but is true. Divorce means parenting separately for the most part and she as a parent will choose how to parent during her time, and you can do the same during yours.

            Practically, the only thing you can do is take action if there is something seriously wrong with her parenting, otherwise you have to accept the fact that she has a right to be a parent just like everyone else. Going to court over being late for drop off times is just not accepting of the new deal that separation brings - you have to accept that you loose some control over these things.

            If you have an issue with her decisions, you have to communicate with her and come across as nonaccusational as possible, remove the anger, as your goal is to get results (change her behaviour), not to chastise her or to show her that you are a good parent and she is not.

            I find that drop off times used to make me upset, as my ex is not a punctual person, but now I let it go for the most part it is better I find for me, and probably the kids too.

            Comment


            • #7
              Hi,I am wondering how many times has he been late? Is this the first time or second time? I think that sometimes people can be a bit picky. How far does he have to drive to drop them off? I think if you had been nice to him and maybe said you are a few hours late did something hold you up? Instead of probably jumping down his back, it is hard being the one that does not parent full time, maybe the mother just wanted a few extra hours with her children and lost track of time. Just be glad he brought them back. This is coming from a father that drove 3 hours every other weekend to pick up his kids and was denied them because I was 1/2 an hour to an hour late or denied access the next visit because I was late dropping them off. Life is busy sometimes hours pass too quickly and time is not always easy to keep. Think of the shoe being on the other foot you have to bring your children and I state YOUR children back to the other parent on TIME when the other parent gets to see him/her all week! Its unfair to put such demands on any parent were time with children is concerned. I think that parents need to work in realistic ways and not expect perfection as the Law dictates. When is it fair to say you can only see YOUR children for so many hours and then they must be back at such and such an hour or I am going to be angry that you spent some extra time with them. Its so unfair to the parent that hardly has any time to see them in the first place. 2 hours is really not that bad is it if you look at the big picture? the children just got some extra time with Mommy and that can not be wrong can it? Sorry this is a touchy subject for me did not mean to come of as rude or mean! Take care.

              Comment


              • #8
                I just wanted to add a little note to my earlier post I do feel for you when it comes to her new boyfriend being alone with your children, I do not like this myself but it is the part of divorce that you have no control over. I look at it as bad side effect of Divorce, you loosing control over who your children are around and it is maddening. My ex will not let me see my two children, she remarried now and the children call him Dad and will not talk to me it is sad but their is really nothing I can do but hope that when she choose this man she was looking for the same things she saw when she married me then all will be okay lol! Well take care and again I totally no were your coming from on that issue!

                Comment


                • #9
                  I have the same issues with my ex, who just doesn't show up with my daughter for one or two hours without any notice. I called police once and was indicated that I would need a court order showing the agreed time to get them involved (not sure if that’s true though). I totally understand your concern about your children and strongly believe all parents are to concern when the children are not coming home at the time they are expected to be whether they are out with your ex, friends or alone. I can deal with as long as there is a notice about being late, but not having any information where she is and what’s happening to her just kills me. I also don’t agree with being tolerance with your ex’s bad habits especially when they are affecting the children. I would more focus on the children’s reaction from offensive attitude of those adults…keep all in your record.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    TO Metro: and now you know what your ex goes through all week when he doesn't always know where his children are. I think you need to respect that life is not perfect and sometimes is is hard to get out the door on time especially with children in toe, and also that traffic can sometimes cause problems. I think you should just be happy that the father wants a relationship with your daughter. I just hate all this petty stuff, I think that parents need to stop being angry at each other get over the bitterness. Not everyone is good at being on time, what is your weakness or do you not have any? Sorry but this is a very touchy subject with me. You get your children all week so what if he gets an extra 2 hours or 3 what does it matter is it really all that bad, just as long as she is home on the day that he says she will be whats the big deal? I think sometimes we are angry at our ex's and unconsciously we turn little issues into big ones just so we can fight and show our anger. GIVE IT UP!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      It is hard when one parent uses the child as a means to "get to the other" I have lived this for the past 5 years. I attempted to get some intervention when my ex was refusing to return the child and as I posted earlier that was what I was told by the police. While I do accept that it can be hard on both parents i think the child should be thought of first. I still fear to this day is he going to return her. Yeah there is alot he has done to keep me feeling this way. I have asked for and still have not recieve that intervention.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I had my court order (interim for now) clearly state the pick up and drop off times, because my ex _will_ follow a court ordered agreement. Prior to that he very rarely made any contact with the kids at all, and if he did decide to spend time with them, he would call no more than 2 hours before he wanted a visit, keep them for 90 minutes, and return them. There was simply no way to plan or be prepared at all. With the court order clearly stating a 9am pick up and a 7pm drop off, he is nearly always punctual (give or take 10 minutes). Sometimes requesting the order to be explicit with a person who can't seem to abide by verbal agreements is the best way to go.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          To Ihave2kidsIcannotsee:

                          I feel for you because it seems like you do not see your children very often and you want to take advantage of all the time you have. It's a sign of a good father.

                          But my situation is completely different. I have a shared custody. I have them one week. She has them one week. Our exchange day is on Fridays. I usually pick them up at school after work but on that Friday it was a day off school for the kids. Their mother took the day off to guard them but decided to stay home and left her partner take them to the city to an amusement park. Knowing really well how traffic is bad now in the city with a bus strike, he chose to take them to his place of work instead of heading down east where me and their mother lives (about 40 minutes from the city). He is not the father. He is not the mother. He has no rights deciding for himself to do an activity where he knows he will be late bringing them to me because of traffic. At 2 o'clock in the afternoon, he should of been responsible enough to say to them that it's time to go because your father expects both of you at a certain time.

                          It showed no respect and no responsibility towards me and their mother because she has to deal with this crap as well. On top of that he had a face of "i don't care if I was late" and tried to provoke me 3 times. I was not in his face, started the conversation calm but turned ugly when he disrespected me more with his actions.

                          So excuses like life is busy and stuff is no excuses because he had the chance in the day to take them back on time and did not. Mommy was not with them because she stayed home. Even though this was a first time late, the guy does not have children of his own, he needed to know that he cannot just decide to bring them late when he feels like it. I think he got the point but then again, jerks sometimes never gets the point.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Research shows that for children to have the best chance to be well adjusted to a separation:

                            1)Conflict between the parents has to be kept to a minimum.

                            2)Children need lots of access to both parents.

                            Sadly, this thread appears to be about not only an hour or two here and there, but also about maintaining, even increasing, conflict between parents and other adults in the kids lives.

                            I do understand that for some parents time with their children is short and even more precious than normal. Too bad the parents can't come to consensus about compensating for time lost due to lateness. I wonder what other conflict has hung around these situations to stress out the kids.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              If my ex is a bit off on his drop off, I just ignore it and carry on as usual with the kids. No point in getting all ruffled about something minor. Things happen, you can't control the traffic, nor who your ex is with. Sometimes silence is the best option no matter how much you'd love to say some things.

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X