For once one of my question is actually about me and not CL husband..lol
My ex husband and I have two sons together ages 10 and 14. For the past few months the eldests schooling has been a big challenge, and really it has always been somewhat of a challenge..having to nag incessently about homework, blah grades and although he has been deemed gifted, he has never put much effort into school. Though these past couple of months have been paticularly stressful, in fact I received his most recent report card last week and he is failing two of his four courses, *just* passed one and a c- on another.
Last year his father expressed a desire to have our eldest son come live with him. For several reasons I was not comfortable with the idea. Although he shows up every other weekend he doesn't take much of an active role in the childrens lives in regards to schooling or discipline. We talked about it and I asked that before he asks me to consider having our eldest move in with him he start being an involved parent. Up until then he didn't even know the names of the kids schools let alone anything else that was going on. He was just more of a fun time Dad.
Since he expressed a desire to become more involved I've made sure to include him in decisions regarding the kids, homework and projects, school events you name it. I've made every effort to draw him in. I've had little to no success.
When I showed him our eldest sons report card when he was here to take them this weekend for the usual visit, he heard me out, what I thought we might do to try to recitify this, asked his opinion and advice ( after all I've never been a 14 yr old boy and I do value his experience that he can bring to the table) and asked what day would be best for him to attend parent teacher interviews etc...he did seem somewhat disturbed by the report card and I had hoped he might talk to our son in an effort to get him on the straight and narrow.
Unfortunately my son informed me that Dad said he didn't want to talk about it and he just wanted to have fun this weekend. I have to say this really makes me mad, I've been pulling my hair out for months trying my damndest to get through to our son, I have spent countless hours talking to his Dad about these problems only to find out that he would rather not talk about it because he just wants to have fun!!
I understand that there is a time limit of sorts on the time they have together, and I get that he wants the kids to walk away with positive and happy memories of their time together, but am I off here feeling like he needs to step up and start getting involved?
I would love to just ignore a lot of these problems and just have fun but I feel my responsibility as a parent far outweighs my desire of living a happy tra-la-la life with no consequences and everyone just has fun...but I can't see how I would be doing my kids any favours by acting that way.
I've invited him countless times to pick up the kids whenever he likes, take extra weekends, take them to the library to do homework..whatever I can think of. But I get the distinct feeling I'm running in a giant hamster wheel and getting no where.
I don't know if it is worth it to try and convince him to get more involved or just to stop trying and if he wants to know something he can ask. I do feel somewhat resentful that I'm the 'bad guy' and he's the super fun guy in a land where chores and homework doesn't exist and no one is held accountable.
I know for a lot of guys out there this may be coloured with the sounds of the controlling CP, and I understand that end of it too as my CL is at the other end of the spectrum being the NCP..but honestly I only want him involved, and this isn't a big b*tch and whine fest about a mean ol' Dad. I have always believed that divorced parents don't have to be the best of friends who hold hands, have group hugs while singing koom-bi-ya ( pardon the spelling..lol) Heck you don't even have to like each other, you just need to share the same goal of wanting the best for your kids.
Sorry for the rant..I guess I'm a little fed up...any words of wisdom or advice are always welcome...am I wasting my time??
thanks
My ex husband and I have two sons together ages 10 and 14. For the past few months the eldests schooling has been a big challenge, and really it has always been somewhat of a challenge..having to nag incessently about homework, blah grades and although he has been deemed gifted, he has never put much effort into school. Though these past couple of months have been paticularly stressful, in fact I received his most recent report card last week and he is failing two of his four courses, *just* passed one and a c- on another.
Last year his father expressed a desire to have our eldest son come live with him. For several reasons I was not comfortable with the idea. Although he shows up every other weekend he doesn't take much of an active role in the childrens lives in regards to schooling or discipline. We talked about it and I asked that before he asks me to consider having our eldest move in with him he start being an involved parent. Up until then he didn't even know the names of the kids schools let alone anything else that was going on. He was just more of a fun time Dad.
Since he expressed a desire to become more involved I've made sure to include him in decisions regarding the kids, homework and projects, school events you name it. I've made every effort to draw him in. I've had little to no success.
When I showed him our eldest sons report card when he was here to take them this weekend for the usual visit, he heard me out, what I thought we might do to try to recitify this, asked his opinion and advice ( after all I've never been a 14 yr old boy and I do value his experience that he can bring to the table) and asked what day would be best for him to attend parent teacher interviews etc...he did seem somewhat disturbed by the report card and I had hoped he might talk to our son in an effort to get him on the straight and narrow.
Unfortunately my son informed me that Dad said he didn't want to talk about it and he just wanted to have fun this weekend. I have to say this really makes me mad, I've been pulling my hair out for months trying my damndest to get through to our son, I have spent countless hours talking to his Dad about these problems only to find out that he would rather not talk about it because he just wants to have fun!!
I understand that there is a time limit of sorts on the time they have together, and I get that he wants the kids to walk away with positive and happy memories of their time together, but am I off here feeling like he needs to step up and start getting involved?
I would love to just ignore a lot of these problems and just have fun but I feel my responsibility as a parent far outweighs my desire of living a happy tra-la-la life with no consequences and everyone just has fun...but I can't see how I would be doing my kids any favours by acting that way.
I've invited him countless times to pick up the kids whenever he likes, take extra weekends, take them to the library to do homework..whatever I can think of. But I get the distinct feeling I'm running in a giant hamster wheel and getting no where.
I don't know if it is worth it to try and convince him to get more involved or just to stop trying and if he wants to know something he can ask. I do feel somewhat resentful that I'm the 'bad guy' and he's the super fun guy in a land where chores and homework doesn't exist and no one is held accountable.
I know for a lot of guys out there this may be coloured with the sounds of the controlling CP, and I understand that end of it too as my CL is at the other end of the spectrum being the NCP..but honestly I only want him involved, and this isn't a big b*tch and whine fest about a mean ol' Dad. I have always believed that divorced parents don't have to be the best of friends who hold hands, have group hugs while singing koom-bi-ya ( pardon the spelling..lol) Heck you don't even have to like each other, you just need to share the same goal of wanting the best for your kids.
Sorry for the rant..I guess I'm a little fed up...any words of wisdom or advice are always welcome...am I wasting my time??
thanks
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