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  • #16
    I understand all the case law etc etc. After all so many posters have experienced stupid and unfair rulings by archaic judges who seem to often not read the evidence presented.

    But I read that this poster was concerned that his son 11 did not want to visit for 6 weeks and he was putting it all the the Mother because in his eyes she is not forcing the child to spend 6 weeks 400 miles away from his friends.

    I see that Dad feels he has done the right thing by providing Day camps in arrears of the child's interest. So why would he not want to come.

    He does not want to come because he is 40@ miles from his buddies, his favourite hang out places. Maybe one of his buddies sleepovers in the backyard or a birthday party. Yeah I know life sucks especially when your parents screwed up and got divorced. So now you have to suffer and yes it's suffer because Dad has the right to have 6 weeks of the summer and while it's great if he is around most of the time you are stuck in a "stupid daycamp" with a bunch of guys you don't know!

    So all the rights and all the laws in the world do matter to the kid who is forced to " enjoy" the parenting time. I very much doubt any of those judges had to endure 6 weeks away every summer

    Anyway, enough ranting. Try speaking with some young people who have no sayin their screwed up lives created by their selfish parents.

    I did and 100% said - "I hate it". "As soon as I can I will choose where I spend my summers". And all these young people loved and enjoyed both their parents. Jus all hated how their summers sucked!

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
      I understand all the case law etc etc. After all so many posters have experienced stupid and unfair rulings by archaic judges who seem to often not read the evidence presented.

      But I read that this poster was concerned that his son 11 did not want to visit for 6 weeks and he was putting it all the the Mother because in his eyes she is not forcing the child to spend 6 weeks 400 miles away from his friends.

      I see that Dad feels he has done the right thing by providing Day camps in arrears of the child's interest. So why would he not want to come.

      He does not want to come because he is 40@ miles from his buddies, his favourite hang out places. Maybe one of his buddies sleepovers in the backyard or a birthday party. Yeah I know life sucks especially when your parents screwed up and got divorced. So now you have to suffer and yes it's suffer because Dad has the right to have 6 weeks of the summer and while it's great if he is around most of the time you are stuck in a "stupid daycamp" with a bunch of guys you don't know!

      So all the rights and all the laws in the world do matter to the kid who is forced to " enjoy" the parenting time. I very much doubt any of those judges had to endure 6 weeks away every summer

      Anyway, enough ranting. Try speaking with some young people who have no sayin their screwed up lives created by their selfish parents.

      I did and 100% said - "I hate it". "As soon as I can I will choose where I spend my summers". And all these young people loved and enjoyed both their parents. Jus all hated how their summers sucked!


      I agree with this. Often times the children do suffer (in their eyes) because their parents rights trump their wishes. We only have my step children EOW and then week about in the summer however D8 plays a winter sport and we gave up 2 full weekends (no make up time) and every Sunday we had the kids so she could play the sport. During winter break we were technically supposed to have the kids for two weeks, D8 wanted to spend one week at moms so she could play with her friends, S11 wanted to spend both weeks with us... both our household and the exs household accommodated the kids the best we could. More so us because it was us losing time but we realize we live 1.5 hours away from their friends so we have to take that into consideration and think of what is best for the children not what is his parental "rights"


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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      • #18
        Originally posted by rockscan View Post
        Yes but you both are parents to the children and there was obviously an issue where the child has decided not to go. If the issue is the kid doesn't like the rules at dads house would you say you're right they suck you can stay home? Or would you say that there are rules in life you have to follow and you may not like dads rules but you have to respect them. You are going to see him this weekend like normal and thats final.
        ^^^^ This.

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        • #19
          The boy said he wants to stay
          Where his friends are. So no issue other
          Than friends trump awesome parent every time

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
            The boy said he wants to stay
            Where his friends are. So no issue other
            Than friends trump awesome parent every time
            This is unfortunately the natural result of both parents not living in the same city. Whichever parent chose to either move away or not prevent the other from moving away set this up years ago.

            You're going to have to pull some bigger tricks to have time with you be more attractive than time with his friends. I'd say the best way to do it would be to invite one of his friends to come stay too, for part of the time. You might have to spend some time getting to know that kid's parents first though.

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            • #21
              Why is visitation voluntary but child support is not? Why do we allow children to make a decision that has a life long impact based on their mere preference for an immediate gratification? Do we routinely allow a child to forgo homework because hanging with their friends is more entertaining? If you would not allow your child to 'stay with a friend' while your family went on vacation why would we allow them to opt out of scheduled parenting time? "If it doesn't fly in an intact family why would it be okay in this situation? Children do not decide their school schedules, generally aren't allowed to choose sundaes over wholesome meals why is this different? Will the child be frustrated and angry because they weren't allowed to do exactly as they prefer? Yes. That is part of parenting and part of growing up. Children learn how the world works by the experiences of their childhood. Why is it okay to tell them that they aren't required to follow the rules when the rules displease them? Parenting time is not a privilege it is a right. CP who decide that time with the NCP is negotiable for no reason other than 'my child would prefer not to do it' are dismissing the other parent as less than a parent.

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              • #22
                Kids did not ask for their parents to be split up and then have to learn to divide their loyalties and life between the 2 parents separate lives.

                If you think the rights of parents trump all then you need to recognize the right of the child to have an intact family and their parents should have sucked it up and stayed together. Then the child would not have to be forced to leave their friends so that one parent can fulfill their god given right to be a parent.

                It's not about you the adult it's about the child. If the parents have done their job well the situation would never come up. The child would want to go. But this poster shuffles child off to day camps with kids He likely does not know. So he can have his parenting right upheld

                Sorry it's not the same as an intact family going on vacation or choosing dessert instead of veggies

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                • #23
                  I would try to make the schedule one where there isn't alot of back and forth travel and yes invite a friend to come along.. even offer to pay for the friend's camp fees?

                  Reality is that parents have to work to earn a living. Some/most people can't get 6 weeks off for summer vacation (kids or no kids).

                  If I had to go spend time with an absentee parent (at work all day) and be forced to go to a camp that I had never been before I would be pretty pissed off.

                  I agree with Rioe's post. Make the time you are with your son about quality rather than quantity.

                  If mother want's to be "neutral" fine - make plans with the kid and then inform the mother afterwards.

                  How about the father going to see the kid for a long weekend in the kid's area? Get a motel... go to some shows together... etc.

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                  • #24
                    I agree that there are a lot of situations where parents should also just suck it up. I just don't think that this is one of them necessarily. All it takes is one parent to decide to leave a marriage. The fact of the matter is that the family is no longer intact, and that requires adjustments on everyone's part including the children. Is it fair? Hell nah, but it's life.

                    Given the number of kids who live in families where their bio parents are no longer together it's not even an unusual situation. It's quite likely that those friends will end up spending part of the summer elsewhere too.
                    There is an option for the NCP to go and spend time where the child lives so that there is a degree of compromise, to me, it should be the default position that the parenting time will be honoured.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by viewfromthecheapseats View Post
                      I agree that there are a lot of situations where parents should also just suck it up. I just don't think that this is one of them necessarily. All it takes is one parent to decide to leave a marriage. The fact of the matter is that the family is no longer intact, and that requires adjustments on everyone's part including the children. Is it fair? Hell nah, but it's life.

                      Given the number of kids who live in families where their bio parents are no longer together it's not even an unusual situation. It's quite likely that those friends will end up spending part of the summer elsewhere too.
                      There is an option for the NCP to go and spend time where the child lives so that there is a degree of compromise, to me, it should be the default position that the parenting time will be honoured.
                      Yes and if the mother wants to stay "neutral" I'd say "sure - but you can pay for 1/2 of my travel & expenses should I have to come to your location to exercise my parenting time." (money always gets people's attention).

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