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  • force to negotiate?

    Hey everyone. I have asked a few questions on here over the last 6 months and have had some good answers, so I will try another one.
    In summary, STBX said she wanted to seperate 6 months ago now. She makes about 93k a year, and I make about 18k due to medical limitations. She has hired one of the most expensive lawyers in town, and I cannot afford a lawyer, and apparantly, I am just over the threshold of legal aid.
    We had a case conferance at the end of May that accomplished absolutely nothing! She even agrees with that. I have now submitted two offers to settle with her lawyer and have had no responces from either. The lawyer will not even reply to any of my emails. About a month ago, I came home after being away for a couple days, to find a moving truck in the driveway. She basically took everything except my bedroom stuff that I keep locked. I called the police, as too me, this was theft. They came and did the report. She then returned later without talking to the police yet. The police returned to the house to talk to her. I gathered from them, that there was nothing they could do as it is matrimonial property, but did advise her not to remove anything else from the residence. While the police were there, she brought up mediation and I agreed. I told her I would get all the info for her as they would base the costs on her salary so she should contact them. The next day, as I was at work, she returned and removed mostly everything else! I called the police again, but never heard what happened.
    So now, about a month later, me still living in bedroom in a empty house with no appliances, am still waiting for her. I think the mediation line was BS to make herself look good in front of the police.
    What I want to know, is there any way for me to force negotiations? No dates were set at the CC, so I am in complete limbo here, and am getting desperate. I have no finacial means to move out, but i am afraid that one of these days I am going to come home to a forclosed home, as the mortgage is in her name and i don't know what she is doing.
    Any help would really be appreciated!

  • #2
    You need to provide more details of your situation. Length of the marriage is very critical in your situation. Are there any children involved? How was the money handled during the marriage? What are you seeking and what was in those offers to settle?

    Yes, the police cannot do anything about her removing stuff. It is not considered theft. Why didn't you change the locks? That is the first thing I did after my ex left. (BTW, she can still enter the house by breaking the locks but chances are she won't do that)

    As you might already know it, you don't need a lawyer in family court. If you are in urgent need of money, trying bringing an interim motion for spousal support. If you don't qualify for legal aid, you can always talk to a duty counsel at the court for free. Do some research on your own. There are some men's groups in GTA who provide legal information for free. Look them up.

    She cannot sell the house without your consent. Even if the house is foreclosed, any money left after paying the existing mortgage will be kept in trust until you two reach an agreement.

    Comment


    • #3
      in a nutshell:
      -started living together jan 2007
      -married May 2009
      -bought the matrimonial home together in July 2010
      was put in her name for financial reasons, and I was stupid enough
      not to demand my name be on the deed. who knew this would have
      happened
      -medical conditions forced me out of full time employment around the
      same time
      - she decided the marriage was over in Jan 2012. was not interested in
      councilling
      -lawyer basically admitted in at the CC that I am entitled to half of
      pension, although the dates were disputable. I accepted his dates of
      may 2007-sept 2011
      - she has admitted the knowledge of her paying support. It gets a little
      tricky here. Under the standard rules, I would be elegible for support for
      a period of 3-5 years, but, under the advice from a lawyer at
      FLIC, with my medical conditions that prevent me from gaining full time
      employment, the support amount could be higher and for a much longer
      duration.
      - both my offers included only 5 years of support
      - After the CC, I did my second offer using the numbers for pension and
      RRSP's that her lawyer suggested. This offer actually came out higher
      the first offer which she apparently declined.

      I just really feel that I am stuck here Not sure what to do, or what to expect next.

      Comment


      • #4
        also, the week before the CC, I found out that her lawyer's law clerk consented to her late filing on my behalf!! I was then basically threatened by the clerk that if I didn't come into the office to sign the consent, i would be purposly be delaying the process and adding extra costs to their client! I brought this matter up before the Judge, but it was ignored.The Judge also did not see a reason for her to have to file a new financial report as hers was only 2 months old, even though the rules say it must be less than 30 days old. I also asked for all her bank statements from all her bank accounts for the last 3 years. I was denied that as well by the Judge. But I had to provide all mine, and loan statements, and credit card statement for the same period!
        I feel that I got completely ignored and screwed by the Judge because I don't have a lawyer.

        Comment


        • #5
          What is the equity in the house?

          You were married for less than 3 years, why do you think 5 years of spousal support is reasonable? It seems very unreasonable to me. It is unfortunate that you have medical conditions that limit your ability to work, but I don't see why she should support you longer because of that.

          Is your inability to work documented by a doctor?

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by billm View Post
            What is the equity in the house?

            You were married for less than 3 years, why do you think 5 years of spousal support is reasonable? It seems very unreasonable to me. It is unfortunate that you have medical conditions that limit your ability to work, but I don't see why she should support you longer because of that.

            Is your inability to work documented by a doctor?
            All valid points and counter arguments that will come at you should the matter be taken to court.

            Comment


            • #7
              I thought cohabitation prior to marriage was included in the length of "relationship", here it would make 5 years?

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by torontonian View Post
                I thought cohabitation prior to marriage was included in the length of "relationship", here it would make 5 years?
                that is what my lawyer told me also.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Length of support is not really an issue here. I have the medical reports, but the fact of the matter is, she chose to leave this relationship as she could not deal with my medical issues anymore. Basically a selfish act by her in my opinion. Neverless, that has happened, and I will ask my original question again. Is there any way I can force her to negotiate, to try to settle things? I feel that she is just going on with her life completely ignoring the issues that need to be settled as she has no financial concerns as long as she ignores things.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    (1) If her lawyer is not replying to your correspondence and telephone calls, call the Law Society of Upper Canada - it is against the Rules of Professional Conduct and the lawyer can be sanctioned (but don't hold your breath - if he/she begins to comply, the Law Society is too busy with other worse behaviour to continue against a lawyer who "inadvertently" failed to comply and is now complying).
                    (2) You can - and should - request mediation. It's almost mandatory now before trial. Remember that you can't be forced into anything you really don't think is fair. Depending on your disability, you may be entitled to sufficient spousal support to allow you to retrain - not likely more than 3-4 years even in a long marriage.
                    (3) The matrimonial assets are split 50-50 under the Family Law Act - so if she took all the matrimonial property and you have the house, after mediation, you should each have half the value of the matrimonial property and half of the equity in the house. Of course, debts and assets held at the time of the marriage are also taken into consideration - as well as net worth at the date of separation. So, say she owed $15,000 on a student loan when you got married - and you owed $5000 on a truck. $5000 was paid during the marriage on the student loan and the truck was paid off but now a credit card in your name used for family purchases (furniture, vacations, etc.) has a balance owing of $20,000. The house is worth $250,000 but the equity is only $50,000. The family property she took out of the house is worth about $25,000. When the calculation is made, she will continue to owe $10,000 on her student loan. Each of you will have $25,000 equity in the house but you're living in it - that's $50,000 for you. But she took the family property so she owes you half the value of that or $12,500 - so that's $25,000 for her. Because you hold the credit card that's a negative of $20,000 for you. That means that you're holding $30,000 and she's holding $25,000. If everything stays where it is, you owe her $2,500 - but you keep the house - it's all yours and she gets the old furniture. Since these figures are just pretend, it may be that when the calculation is done, she owes you money. Bank accounts are also included - what's there on the day you separated and what was there on the day you got married. You can keep what you had going in - but anything gathered/accummulated during the marriage you have to split.
                    (4) To get the proceedings moving, contact the Court Clerk where you filed your documents. Ask for a Settlement Conference or Pre-Trial Conference to be set. You have every right to move things forward. If you need legal advice, you can get it for free at your local court house - ask the Court Office how to set an appointment for Advice Counsel - LONG BEFORE your next court date. You can't see them on the day you see the judge - but they can help you figure out your next move - for free.
                    Good luck!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by amIscrewed View Post
                      Length of support is not really an issue here. I have the medical reports, but the fact of the matter is, she chose to leave this relationship as she could not deal with my medical issues anymore. Basically a selfish act by her in my opinion. Neverless, that has happened, and I will ask my original question again. Is there any way I can force her to negotiate, to try to settle things? I feel that she is just going on with her life completely ignoring the issues that need to be settled as she has no financial concerns as long as she ignores things.
                      you send her an offer to settle with a time frame for a response. If she doesnt respond then you take it to the next level.

                      Comment

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