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  • switching access wknds

    EX has EOW access to S13. He has cancelled his access weekends in past with or without requesting other times. Yesterday he advised S13 (he never advises me) that this wknd coming up, he's "busy." Suggests to S13 that perhaps the following wkend will work and has S13 ask me. Well, it doesn't "work" - I'm not taking any issue w/this wknd being cancelled as far as my EX is concerned. I haven't said a word. Am I obligated in any way to accommodate this or any other switches?

    S13 is unconcerned whether he goes or not. EX is busy "renovating" his house. He's been doing so for months. Whatever the case: child is NOT going this wknd and I am not prepared to throw off the entire access schedule (which is always to suit him) on this. I've done so a few times in the past, but I have plans w/my son the weekend that he has suggested, and I'm not going to change them. If my son was hell bent on going, that would perhaps sway me to accommodate EX. But he's not. And quite frankly, I'm tired of the bs, this (issue at hand) being the least of it. Go ahead and hit me with your thoughts on this. Really, what I want to know is: DO I have to accommodate these changes in the wind, that happen frequently or can I just stick to the schedule and be well within the "right" side of this?

  • #2
    LOL, were you bracing yourself for the onslaught of "it is in your child's best interest" comments?

    If you didn't have plans made for your weekend, I would say swap weekends, what's the big deal? But since you do have plans, I would just let him know that you have plans and that if he had given you more notice you might have been able to accomodate.

    I know his behavior pisses you off, but looking at it from his end, he sees his kid 4 days a month and you have him the rest of the time. Giving up your time with your son affects you far less than it would him.

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    • #3
      True and I do need to remind myself (and I do) that just b/c I cannot stand the EX, the child has a relationship with him. My son has expressed that he does not feel as though he's a part of ex's "new family." Even yesterday, as we sat behind a van in a drive thru - the van had those stickers depicting "mother, father, a few kids and a dog" - he said - "hey dad could have that sticker on his car" - EX has 2 young ones and a cpl of dogs - So I said, "yes but there's one kid missing there" (on the sticker). Son said "Oh I'm not part of his family, you are my family - we should get a sticker (he was joking and laughing) of just a mom and boy. That's my big family." Ex has cancelled before for awful reasons. IE: "inlaws are in town and they are taking us out for dinner to celebrate my Birthday" - same thing re: his one year wedding anniversary. One time he cancelled a mid-week visit b/c he was having a family portrait done. Sorry but he truly is Pathetic. There's no disguising it. Honestly, kiddo sees right through this garbage and has lost a lot of respect for "Dad" - I'm not one to make excuses for anyone's bad behavior. The most important thing to me is my child's well being, sense of confidence and good self-esteem.

      The way I see it: (just a hunch) Son is losing interest in father and over the next year or so, I think there will be a shift in this whole situation. I just want to keep myself in check. So as it stands now, there will be almost a month in between visits. Sad part is: neither father or child will mind.

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      • #4
        That's too bad. But I have to ask you that are you hearing the reasons for the cancels from your ex or from your son?

        It's hard for me to read what you wrote because my husband's kids feel the same way, that they are not part of their Dad's new family. But we have always included them. When his oldest turned 14 she was hostile toward me and she started refusing to come. Mom never made her and would "rescue" her when she did come.

        Maybe next time Dad tries to "cancel", you could say, hey why don't I send him over on such and such a day instead?

        I know it's hard, you can't make Dad be more involved. And it's hard to watch your son disappointed. But at least you would know that you did everything you could for him, because it really is in his best interest to have a great Dad in his life.

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        • #5
          I don't talk to EX but am aware of the various reasons (all lame) for the cancellations. Often, child sends text and then tells me what response was. Also, when child calls ex (which is not often and father does not call child) I am in the same room or within earshot to get the picture. Yes. Kids do deserve to have great, involved parents: be it Mom or Dad. Fact is - some ppl aren't. This one... Not a great dad. Just calling it like I see it.

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