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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 11-25-2007, 05:05 PM
jlalex jlalex is offline
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Default Hey lawyer dropped her....

So things are moving along at a snails pace..and we've found out that my husbands ex wife has been dropped by her lawyer, apparently for non-payment ( she's getting legal aid ).

We're still waiting for most of her documentation ( medical records, and proof of her expenses ), and we are waiting for hear from the OCL...the first time we heard back very quickly from OCL that they declined to get involved as the ex didn't send in her intake form. This time she was ordered to give her intake form to the magistrate who sent both ours and hers in to the OCL.

In the meantime their child got suspended from school a week ago this past friday for instigating fights, and missed another 3 days of school ( not related to the suspension, she said she had errands to bring and couldn't send him o school??) brining the total up around 20 days absent so far this year.

When we talked to our lawyer after receiving a portion of the ex's medical records which clearly stated that her prognosis isn't good as she refuses to comply with her treatment plans ( she has diabetes which she refuses to manage and landed her in hospital for 10 days the latest time and then leaving against medical advise, all the while leaving her son with a neighbour, and of course not telling us anything about it ).

When we talked to our lawyer about the lastest findings about his school absences we asked if we couldn't just apply for interim custody, surely with all the information we have we could get interim custody...but our lawyer is off the opinion we need to wait til all the evidence is in before we pursue matters.

We wholeheartedly believe their son is much better off with us here, but he says he doesn't want to live with us and if he is made to he will run away..( he is 12 yrs old) he has also said that he wants to spend as much time with his mom as possible because she is sick.

I don't know what to do anymore. Do we force him to come live with us when he doesn't want to, and if so how the heck do we make that happen when the courts move so slow, and now she doesn't even have a lawyer anymore which I'm sure is going to slow things down even further.

Sorry for the rambling I'm just so frustrated with this whole thing, by the time we get all this sorted out he'll probably be an adult and all of this will be for nothing

Any pearls of wisdom out there? Anything we can do??
  #2  
Old 11-26-2007, 10:53 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jlalex
We're still waiting for most of her documentation ( medical records, and proof of her expenses ), and we are waiting for hear from the OCL...the first time we heard back very quickly from OCL that they declined to get involved as the ex didn't send in her intake form. This time she was ordered to give her intake form to the magistrate who sent both ours and hers in to the OCL.
Holy moly that sounds just like what happened to me. My ex didn't do her intake forms either and we had to get another order for OCL assistance and redo the intake forms. We just had our disclosure meeting last week and they are recommending sole custody for me.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlalex
In the meantime their child got suspended from school a week ago this past friday for instigating fights, and missed another 3 days of school ( not related to the suspension, she said she had errands to bring and couldn't send him o school??) brining the total up around 20 days absent so far this year.
That's a lot or missed days for so early in the year - and instigating fights is obviously probematic. Your husband should book an appointment with the VP or principal to dicuss this - I'm assuming your husband and his ex have joint custody. My son's VP told me that once absences hit 15 days the school social worker gets a call.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlalex
When we talked to our lawyer after receiving a portion of the ex's medical records which clearly stated that her prognosis isn't good as she refuses to comply with her treatment plans ( she has diabetes which she refuses to manage and landed her in hospital for 10 days the latest time and then leaving against medical advise, all the while leaving her son with a neighbour, and of course not telling us anything about it ).
If he has joint custody, mom leaving the kid with a neighbour, refusing to inform the other parent of her medical condition and denying access will probably not be regarded lightly by the OCL. My ex went into treatment and tried to hide it from me while she was in the hospital. Her family continued to pick up the children and care for them while they concealed all this. A parent who is unwilling to involve the other parent in the kids life is looked upon unfavourably.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlalex
We wholeheartedly believe their son is much better off with us here, but he says he doesn't want to live with us and if he is made to he will run away..( he is 12 yrs old) he has also said that he wants to spend as much time with his mom as possible because she is sick.
He is at an age where the court will listen to his preferences as to where he wants to live, so that could play against you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by jlalex
Do we force him to come live with us when he doesn't want to...
That is a very tough call.
  #3  
Old 11-28-2007, 09:06 PM
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Currently there is no custody order in place. Up until he served her with divorce papers she was more or less co-operative, at least compared with the way she has acted lately.

We've tried to get info from the school but seeing as how the ex left Dads contact info off school records its been a long road trying to get information. Last March the Judge ordered she make available all the childs record and inform schools and doctors etcs that he is to have access. As it stands now she still hasn't done anything. But we now have a copy of the order stating as much so we'll fax that off to the school.

I'm at a loss of what to do here, though I'm no legal expert I can't see how the OCL or a judge can take a look at this and let him stay there . From his absenses, school troubles both academically and behaviourly plus her medical records where she is in and out of hospitals several times a year due to her mismanagement of her illness, I just don't want to believe that a court could say he is better off regardless of what their son thinks.

We live 4+ hours away so we visit as much as we can, the ex doesn't drive as her license was taken away due to her disibility so we're not getting much help from her. Not to mention the numerous times she has called the night before a visit and said their son changed his mind and doesn't want to come, only to find out she promised him these wonderful adventures they would have if he stayed.

The other day my husband said he wishes he could just let all this go, pay his CS, take what visits he can and enjoy the time that he has with his son. He is feeling very rejected and disillusioned right now, and sure its easy for me to say what the 'right' thing is but what do you do when your child just keeps pushing you away???

Has anyone else gone through this, their child will be 13 in the spring. He is struggling in school, getting in trouble ( he has had other incidents than the suspension ), ignoring his Dad when something doesn't go the way he wants..the last 2 years have been hell on everyone involved..maybe its time to just bite the bullet and let the chips fall where they may....

Thoughts?
  #4  
Old 11-29-2007, 11:24 AM
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My husband is in the same sort of boat.
He has gone through hell trying to maintain contact and has tried to get extra to no avail and has been denied access because the daughter "does not feel like it". She just turned 12.
The weeks turned into months and the months now hit 2 years.
He is at his wits end and feels that he has no hope, I have been trying to keep things rolling as I feel that it is imperative for dad to have contact with his child even if the child refuses him.

Unfortunately we are governed by the courts and their obsession with "status quo" and their unwillingness to go out on a limb and make a change. When they know for an absolute fact that it is in the best interest of the children.
We no longer have a lawyer as we can longer afford one. Our legal costs peaked over $68,000 and then came the $25,000 court ordered assessment at the ex’s insistence but she refused to co-operate so it was useless as far as courts go.

Here we sit with a trial date in place but dad has given up, wants to pay support according to guidelines and walk away. He said maybe one day she’ll come back and blame him for all the faults in her life, then at least he’ll be able to see how she turned out without him in her life. A terrible way to think but that’s the reality with a huge number of non-custodial parents. And I truly believe that this happens more often than not, and they ultimately say, F*** I* and stop the payments too, and become the infamous “dead Beat dad”.
  #5  
Old 11-29-2007, 04:41 PM
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FL...its nice to know we're not alone in this mess. It is so very frustrating to go through this process, not only do you get jerked around in every which way but they take their sweet time doing it too.

At this point, I don't see a happy ending in our future, perhaps that isn't the right attitude but it may indeed be the reality.
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Old 12-03-2007, 12:39 PM
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It's very unfortunate that many families are in this situation feeling like they need to call it quits or that there is not a happy ending in sight, but that is the reality.

I would be willing to email you privately as a sounding board if you feel it would help.
You have no email listed, under your profile?
  #7  
Old 12-04-2007, 05:20 PM
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FL_Needs_To_Change is right, the courts don't like to change stuff.

The long distance away that you live and the son's (rightly or wrongly, manipuated or not) unwillingness to live with you will play against you.

It would seem that the medical stuff, his difficulties in school and the mom's refusal to allow you two to be involved would seem to be your best bet. You are probably going to have to rely very heavily on a favourable OCL report. Do your homework on that. Do lots of googling Office of the Children's Lawyer. Try finding people who have been through the process and asking them lots of questions. I will help you if you want.
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