Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Access exchanges during COVID-19

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #46
    Originally posted by Abba435 View Post
    Seems rational to try to share the burden, agree how to mitigate health risk, be flexible and collaborate..
    Agreed. I am talking about how to address a child less than 5 years old. One would think that it would make sense to be flexible. The parenting plan was premised on the child being in daycare during the day. I would HOPE that mom would recognize this and provide extra time with dad, extending exchange times to perhaps let the child stay with Dad after a sleepover till later in the afternoon rather than morning.

    However, as many of you know, my ex will do ANYTHING to not give me one extra minute with the kids. Dad is always last resort, and even then, its extraordinary efforts to restrict and limit time with Dad. Well documented.

    Comment


    • #47
      I was coming here to investigate this very issue

      I have 50/50 and am an essential service working in corrections...
      Waiting for the ex to say she’s not sending our son because there is a case of covid-19 (not yet. But there will be)

      She just recently said she’s not comfortable with sending our son now, since my fiancé ex has his store open, accepts donations and is driving them to people in need and doing safe drop..
      So
      She says he’s not practicing self isolating so putting her kids at risk for when they come here and I have ours..

      Wtf to do


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      Comment


      • #48
        Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
        I was coming here to investigate this very issue

        I have 50/50 and am an essential service working in corrections...
        Waiting for the ex to say she’s not sending our son because there is a case of covid-19 (not yet. But there will be)

        She just recently said she’s not comfortable with sending our son now, since my fiancé ex has his store open, accepts donations and is driving them to people in need and doing safe drop..
        So
        She says he’s not practicing self isolating so putting her kids at risk for when they come here and I have ours..

        Wtf to do


        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
        Q1) What is in the best interests of the child's safety, in this case exposure?
        A1) No exposure

        Q2) By extension what is in the public safety interest?
        A2) Containment. No carrying.

        Q3) What does the separation agreement say about one parent making unilateral decisions? Get that wording.

        Be prepared for a discussion at least.
        Refer to the first two questions above.
        Stay calm.
        Document it all.

        Comment


        • #49
          To the OP;


          I am in exactly this situation, as our child has been with me since all this stuff started. This weekend is child's weekend with Mom. Child was sent to Mom's.


          Neither of us are obviously sick, and both of us are following recommended "social-distancing" as much as is reasonable. Keeping child away from one or the other parent for weeks, "just in case" is not reasonable.



          Just send the kid, if nobody is sick. Are you buying groceries, or going out to run errands? That probably has a greater chance of introducing COVID-19 to your combined households and your elderly parents, than sending the kid between two particular households.


          Just remind kid about proper hand-washing and the usual to help prevent sickness.

          Comment


          • #50
            People are stilling to have to run errands..... BUT kids stay at home.

            Everyone has to do the best they can, but some things just aren’t feasible


            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

            Comment


            • #51
              Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
              People are stilling to have to run errands..... BUT kids stay at home.

              Everyone has to do the best they can, but some things just aren’t feasible


              Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

              My point was, if Dad is going out to buy groceries, or something like that, he could already be bringing virus into household with his elderly parents. But, people need food, so getting groceries is a reasonable risk. Just take precautions.



              Just like a child needs to see both parents, and travel between both households - that's also a reasonable risk.



              (this particular kid has already gone through a bunch of crap because of both of his parents - hopefully COVID-19 isn't another avenue for them to cause kid more stress)


              The reality is, everyone still has a greater chance of getting influenza.

              Comment


              • #52
                Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
                BUT kids stay at home.
                If you are separated or divorced, please recognize that kids have TWO homes. They are allowed to be at both their homes.

                Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
                Everyone has to do the best they can, but some things just aren’t feasible
                What is not feasible, or reasonable, is unilaterally deciding that the kids wont see the other parent. If that were to happen to me, guaranteed I'd be in court asking for custody due to other parent not promoting or respecting the rights of the children to both parents.

                Comment


                • #53
                  I can't be the only one who has been denied access? As some have said, if my ex is out getting groceries and other essentials, why can't my sons come home? If my children have been out riding their bikes, walking the dog, and playing at the school ground, why can't they come home to their mother?

                  I would never do what he has done. I wouldn't like it, of course, but I would not stop parenting time. The courts are closed; I have no way of getting them back without intervention.

                  So, my lawyer had been instructed to have emergency motion documents ready for when courts are back in business. I have also come up with a proposal should schools and courts remain closed, in an attempt to work with him, not against. It will be ignored but at least I will know that I tried.

                  Comment


                  • #54
                    Denying access to the other parent is crazy. At minimum, follow the Court Order. If your ex is making unilateral decisions, he is breaking Court Order and in breach of the Order, possibly at risk of contempt. I would write a very curt email indicating that you will be following your time in accordance with your arrangement, and be there at X time to pick up the kids. Document everything. If your ex continues to play hardball, good look to them in court when it resumes. I would be asking for make-up time, costs, and possibly greater access than what you agreed to, to ensure the relationship is preserved.

                    Comment


                    • #55
                      He's not budging and has laid all this at their feet. Everything is this is what they want, this is their decision, he can't do anything because they have decided. As I mentioned, they called me, aplogizing for having created this situation No they didn't! My heart is still broken for them to feel like that!

                      I think I have done what I can for now. All that you have suggested will be in emergency motion papers. Should schools remain closed, I will send my proposal to manage access during continued closures and see what happens. However, should everything remain as it is right now, it could be months before see them again.

                      Comment


                      • #56
                        Originally posted by LovingDad1234 View Post
                        If you are separated or divorced, please recognize that kids have TWO homes. They are allowed to be at both their homes.



                        What is not feasible, or reasonable, is unilaterally deciding that the kids wont see the other parent. If that were to happen to me, guaranteed I'd be in court asking for custody due to other parent not promoting or respecting the rights of the children to both parents.

                        Problem with that is.....
                        all family courts are cancelled. So you won’t be getting a hearing...


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                        Comment


                        • #57
                          Originally posted by phatkid77 View Post
                          Problem with that is.....
                          all family courts are cancelled. So you won’t be getting a hearing...
                          Then tell ex to follow court order or agreement. Otherwise they risk contempt motion. Not sure what else to say. Document all and ensure you get make up time and then some.

                          Comment


                          • #58
                            Totally... I’m not “too” worried. Just seeing what’s happening elsewhere


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                            Comment


                            • #59
                              Contempt motions are very very difficult. Motion to Change custody maybe if communication is too contentious. Or possibly to order Parenting Coordination or Our Family Wizard. The court has limited options available in prescriptive relief.
                              I am digging very deep and taking the high road as much as possible and it is working. I informed the co-parent of our self isolation measures in detail. hand washing, sanitizers, limited store visits, no-one in or out, nutrition, approach to home schooling, social media access etc. etce. etc. This resulted in an agreement (for now) to go with one week rotation for all three kids and to review as needed. Our normal residency is 9/5 with her home as the 9 nights. So we are temporarily 50/50. So far so good.
                              My communication rule is BIFF. Brief. Informative. Friendly. Firm.
                              No threats of intervention.
                              I can have a trigger finger so it takes every ounce of my composure to not react to anything inflammatory. So far so good but years of trying!!!
                              So if this goes sideways I have an excellent written record. All email. No texts.

                              Comment


                              • #60
                                I just asked for face time, which he agreed to. He then went on and on that everyone is healthy, going outside for walks/bike riding/playing at the school. He and his wife have quaratined themselves for 17 days. He continues to lay this at their feet, that they don't want to come home.

                                What do I do? Do I bombard him with bring them home now messages? Send a message once a week? I am truly at a loss here. I don't want to cause further problems between us but at the same time, if everyone is healthy and going outside, why not bring them home? My plan is to wait for announcements on continued school closures. By then, three weeks will have passed. If everyone is the same by then, there's really no reason not to bring them home. Should I just wait until then?

                                Feeling helpless

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X