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  • #16
    Thanks everyone for your feedback!

    Originally posted by NBDad View Post
    Find a family law lawyer who is experienced in this kind of crap. (Shop around).

    Lay out a parenting plan that gradually increases parenting time over the course of 4-6 weeks until you arrive at 50-50 shared.

    Kick the lawyer in the ass to get a hearing date asap based on this crap. You've tried to negotiate and she refuses to do so, get thee to court.

    After you have a workable agreement, if the ex plays any more games you document the crap out of it, once you have 3+ instances of her breaking the order you file for contempt and request a custody change. Rinse and repeat as necessary until she either smartens up, or you get the change requested.

    Willful denial of access for a year on charges that are proven to be false...that's custody on a silver platter right there.
    Thankfully my own divorce was fairly painless and drama free. This other situation however is not. Very close to getting to court now. A good lawyer is already in the picture. Unfortunately there are other complicated issues in the mix and access is just one of many.

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    • #17
      I see two main problems with this situation.

      A five year old probably has good memory for things that happened a year beforehand, so it won't be like being forced to spend time with a stranger. So I don't think supervised access is required. However, how well things proceed will depend a lot on the personality of the child. Is the child outgoing and social? Timid and fearful of new things without an adjustment period? Unfortunately, only the CP knows best in this case. Obviously you don't want to be controlled for any length of time, but perhaps agreeing to the initial meeting being with both parents for the first hour, so the child can get to know you without feeling as stressed might be wise. Or maybe taking the child to only familiar places, like the local playground, for the first few meetings. Or maybe agree to a semblance of supervision, like having a playdate with a friend, or the first meeting is with your parents (who probably can't wait to see the child too!) or something.

      But, preparing for the worst, you have no idea what kind of nonsense the CP has been filling the child's head with for the last year. The poor kid might be terrified of being in your care if the CP has described you as basically the devil who ruined her life and has been vocally dreading handing the child over to you for the last few months. The child might take one look at you and run screaming, through no fault of your own.

      Even if you aren't a physical danger to the child, it's entirely possible that you may be a psychological danger, even if it was completely engineered by the CP. I think it would be wise to be reintroduced carefully, though not necessarily 'supervised.' Who does your ex propose does the supervision anyways?

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      • #18
        Originally posted by Rioe View Post
        I see two main problems with this situation.

        A five year old probably has good memory for things that happened a year beforehand, so it won't be like being forced to spend time with a stranger. So I don't think supervised access is required. However, how well things proceed will depend a lot on the personality of the child. Is the child outgoing and social? Timid and fearful of new things without an adjustment period? Unfortunately, only the CP knows best in this case. Obviously you don't want to be controlled for any length of time, but perhaps agreeing to the initial meeting being with both parents for the first hour, so the child can get to know you without feeling as stressed might be wise. Or maybe taking the child to only familiar places, like the local playground, for the first few meetings. Or maybe agree to a semblance of supervision, like having a playdate with a friend, or the first meeting is with your parents (who probably can't wait to see the child too!) or something.

        But, preparing for the worst, you have no idea what kind of nonsense the CP has been filling the child's head with for the last year. The poor kid might be terrified of being in your care if the CP has described you as basically the devil who ruined her life and has been vocally dreading handing the child over to you for the last few months. The child might take one look at you and run screaming, through no fault of your own.

        Even if you aren't a physical danger to the child, it's entirely possible that you may be a psychological danger, even if it was completely engineered by the CP. I think it would be wise to be reintroduced carefully, though not necessarily 'supervised.' Who does your ex propose does the supervision anyways?

        Very good points and excellent suggestions Rioe, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts!

        Unfortunately, there is no possibility of both parents being at the initial meeting. Without revealing too much without the consent of the individual involved, there is horrific abuse involved. I'm not talking about violent mood swings, yelling matches, throwing stuff around, passive aggressive emotional blackmailing type of abuse. It's all of that, AND things like beatings, starvation, denial of shelter etc.

        Anyways, the CP wants two family members who were party to providing "corroborating evidence" for the false charges, to supervise all access.

        Sadly, as we all know, it is the children in the end that suffers the consequences.

        Comment


        • #19
          Okay, then I would like to redo my response! I thought the allegations were false, and that there was NOT actually domestic abuse involved.

          Someone that horrifically abusive is not a rational person, and probably should be supervised with a child! And perhaps psychiatrically evaluated for risk before even that much occurs.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Rioe View Post
            Okay, then I would like to redo my response! I thought the allegations were false, and that there was NOT actually domestic abuse involved.

            Someone that horrifically abusive is not a rational person, and probably should be supervised with a child! And perhaps psychiatrically evaluated for risk before even that much occurs.
            CP was the abuser. NCP was the one being abused, and had false charges (not of abuse specifically) laid against.

            Comment

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