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  • Medication consent

    Quick question:

    In a joint custody situation, do you have to have mutual consent before one parent “tries out” a medication for your children even when it is doctor recommended?
    If one parent decides to try a trial period of the medication (child would take it everyday for three months and then be assessed), is it their right to just go ahead with it because it’s their choice on their time?
    The medication in question can be found at a natural food store, but is still technically a drug.
    But so is Advil and Tylenol and that would be a “day to day” parenting decision....

    Sorry if this has been covered here before.


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  • #2
    When you say "doctor recommended", do you mean a real doctor or a naturopath?

    I think medication recommended by doctors falls under the "needs consent, but consent should never be withheld". For example, I'll tell my ex "The dentist has recommended procedure X, I booked an appointment for April 3rd. If you have any specific concerns please let me know".

    My ex is not dumb enough to say no to those things in writing, (and I ignore any disagreement if it is not in writing). If your ex is dumb enough to say that they know more than a doctor, then bonus! Keep on saving those emails and use them down the road when you need sole custody because your ex is unreasonable.

    Now, if the "doctor" in question is a naturopath, and has "prescribed" a medicine that is not a medicine and is not harmful, then I do not see the problem in the letting the child take it. Consent is probably not required.

    If your ex is the one talking to the naturopath, offer to set up a 4 way discussion with the parents, the naturopath, and the guy who shovels your snow. Everyone there has the same level of medical expertise so it should be a scintillating conversation.

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    • #3
      I mean a real, actual Pediatrician.
      He hasn’t actually refused consent yet but I am preparing for this.


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      • #4
        Here's a question along the same line.

        D2 has been approved and accepted into a treatment- not covered by OHIP- called OIT- oral immunotheraphy for her dairy allergy. OIT for peanuts just passed phase 3 testing in the states and is likely on it's way to being an approved- covered by OHIP - treatment in Canada. Dairy is not there yet.

        However, there's been lots of studies showing OIT for dairy can be successful. The OIT is being done by a Pediatric Allergist- and we've received a referral from my daughter's allergist.

        Her dairy allergy is life threatening and she's already had 2 anaphylactic reactions which required EPI and hospitalizations.

        I want her to start the therapy. Dad does not because it's not covered by OHIP and because OIT is done privately he doesn't see it as a "real" medical treatment. My guess- he doesn't want to anti-up the 8-10k it costs. I'll cover that cost myself if I have to.

        I've asked him to go back to speak with the doctors at the clinic.

        Ideally- this will be a joint decision because dosing has to continue at home each and every day. And both of us should know how much so that there is never a mixup, etc...

        Anyone have experience with this type of treatment?

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        • #5
          I'd wait until the clinical trials on the drug in question are complete. That is a lot of money to spend on something that may go by the wayside as most new medications (trash can).

          Of course, always check with the pediatrician prior to giving child medicine (even over-the-counter) if child has a compromised immune-mediated disease.

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          • #6
            These types of questions are hard because you are dealing with unreasonable ex’s who refuse simply for the sake of refusing.

            Have you advised your ex about this treatment or even the appointment? How about inviting them to the appointment? Do they have concerns with the child’s symptoms that relate to the treatment?

            Here’s what the lawyer we deal with said about medical stuff—if a judge thinks it is in the child’s best interest it would be ordered.

            I wonder if you were to have your ex take kid to the doctor and have the doc pitch it to them like it was the first time doing so...almost like reverse psychology!

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            • #7
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              I'd wait until the clinical trials on the drug in question are complete. That is a lot of money to spend on something that may go by the wayside as most new medications (trash can).

              Of course, always check with the pediatrician prior to giving child medicine (even over-the-counter) if child has a compromised immune-mediated disease.
              So allergies are a different breed. There will not likely be an approved medication or treatment for years. OIT has actually been done for many many years. It's been very successful in the states and most insurance companies cover the costs- mine will cover up to 2k a year for it. I've gathered up a number of peer-reviewed medical studies that have
              been conducted on patients of OIT. No one has died, but the reality is that some kids can handle it- but for various reasons some people opt out of it. The younger the child is- the higher the chances of success. OIT isn't a cure for allergies- it's a treatment plan. Basically it's kinda like what you think our parents generation would've done- keeping feeding the kid the allergen in the smallest portion possible in order to build up their resistance.

              While most kids will grow out of a dairy allergy... unfortunately for kids who are as allergic as my daughter...the chances decrease significantly- we've been monitoring her IGE levels since she was 11 months old and her numbers are off the chart ...for ex. a kid growing out of an allergy may show an IGE level of 10-20...you can do baked challenges at levels <7. My daughters are over 100, and she's contact allergic. If she touches dairy she gets severe hives and swelling. It's very hard to control for a toddler. But we're doing it.

              Rocksan- your advice is exactly what I'm doing. I don't have discussions about this treatment without Dad there. ever. Not with her allergist and certainly not with the clinic doctors. He's been in every one and I'll keep it that way...until push comes to shove. And if I have to take him to court to allow her to participate- I will. It is in her best interest that she try this treatment. The risk of accidental exposure is just too high. The truth is that kids - esp very young ones are dying of allergy anaphalyxis more and more. If there is a treatment possible to help our daughter- and it's within our means, we should absolutely do it in the most informed way possible.

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              • #8
                Hope you have passed the treatment by child's pediatrician or specialist. There are lots of quacks and 'wonder drugs' from the US and Mexico. Medical licensing there is "loosey-goosey" - a person can be banned from practicing in one state and set up shop in another. I am personally highly suspicious of people who peddle products out of health food stores in general.

                Hope it works for you. Can't be easy raising children with such severe allergies.

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                • #9
                  Good question. Now you're making me anxious.

                  I know when I didn't have custody and a doctor recommended short term medication on my time, like penecilin injection or antibiotics, I looked at as a day to day decision and just made the decision and informed the other parent. I now have joint custody and was never an issue. But now I have joint custody, and because you have raised this question, I guess I have the same question.

                  Is other parent have to be informed of appointment with doctor before hand for a new issue that is not routine, routine being headaches fever cold ear pain etc.

                  Regardless of any appointments, does routine mediation require consent? Such as antibiotics ?

                  What sort of medication requires consent? I guess can short term fall under day to day decision and anything that's administered more than a week requires other parents consent? At what point does medication become a major decision?
                  Last edited by tunnelight; 01-18-2019, 09:38 PM.

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                  • #10
                    I was told that over the counter medications that we routinely used pre-separation don’t need consent.

                    For joint custody everything beyond that technically needs consent.

                    When the kids switch houses we usually inform one another of any recent medications/vitamins given, for safety reasons. Even herbal supplements can have interactions. Keeping medications/supplements secret from the other parent may not be in the kids best interest.


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                    • #11
                      Originally posted by tunnelight View Post
                      Good question. Now you're making me anxious.

                      I know when I didn't have custody and a doctor recommended short term medication on my time, like penecilin injection or antibiotics, I looked at as a day to day decision and just made the decision and informed the other parent. I now have joint custody and was never an issue. But now I have joint custody, and because you have raised this question, I guess I have the same question.

                      Is other parent have to be informed of appointment with doctor before hand for a new issue that is not routine, routine being headaches fever cold ear pain etc.

                      Regardless of any appointments, does routine mediation require consent? Such as antibiotics ?

                      What sort of medication requires consent? I guess can short term fall under day to day decision and anything that's administered more than a week requires other parents consent? At what point does medication become a major decision?

                      When its an antibiotic that is required for an infection I can’t see the other parent objecting. It all depends on how reasonable your ex is. Im sure they would know kid is sick and if you say “hey, timmys fever is worse and he’s coughing, going to the walk in to see whats up” it shouldn’t be a problem.

                      For Ange, her ex objects to everything and since he would have to give the kid meds on his time, it complicates the treatment plan.

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                      • #12
                        I think the problem may be if the other party doesn't agree, then the child wont be taking the medication on his time. Depending on the type of medication it may be not be effective if not given consistently.

                        On my time, I use Melatonin to help my children sleep (with their dr's approval). I have no idea if my ex uses it too.

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                        • #13
                          I guess technically everything would require consent, but in proactice I think most people are reasonable it isnt going to be a problem if one person take kid to dr and is prescribed antibiotics. I just let my ex know if had to take kid to dr and needs antibiotics and I would send them along and ex would give them. I would think this is only going to be an issue if you have problems with 1 parent wanting standard scientific treatments and the other parents wanting some non scientific quackery, or if there was ome end of life ethical decision to make, like whether or not to continue a cancer treatment. With the example of the allergies above, is it that the ex doesnt consent to the treatment for some ethical principal or wont consent because they dont want to pay their portion as a medical expense.
                          I have a situation with contact lens, where kid previously had them with no issue, and then ex decided with a new job to not put kid on benefits becasue they were on my benefits and refused to consent becasue didnt want to pay for them (my benefits didnt cover it all), then I had to get my lawyer to talk to ex's lawyer would told him just put the kid on the benefits or be prepared to pay your share as a section 7 expense. Same with braces

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by denbigh View Post
                            ....like whether or not to continue a cancer treatment. With the example of the allergies above, is it that the ex doesnt consent to the treatment for some ethical principal or wont consent because they dont want to pay their portion as a medical expense.
                            I'm not sure what it is...if I give him the benefit of the doubt- it's because it's not an approved treatment according to OHIP. It's not experimental...but the only real treatment for allergies is avoidance. Honestly- even doctors and allergists vary on when an Epi pen is needed. And I don't think he wants to pay the cost.

                            I can't see any ethical reason not to try it.

                            Also- it IS considered a medical treatment because you need a referral from a pediatric allergist- and the treatment is overseen by two pediatric allergists (if anyone is ever interested- PM me- the doctors are Dr. Mack and Dr. Hanna in burlington- they are amazing) - and a team of nurses.

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                            • #15
                              pediatric allergists (MDs) - good thing

                              hope you have great success!

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