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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #1  
Old 06-14-2018, 07:58 AM
JB1 JB1 is offline
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Default Question regarding shared custody child exchange

Hello. I have a question regarding how to handle this situation .

My ex and I to put it mildly are not on good terms . We shared 50 / 50 custody of 2 children on a week on week off basis.
We are to exchange them every Friday after school . In the summer months , the exchange is still on Fridays . Our signed separation agreement states that if we have special summer vacation requests ( ie: change weeks or keep them 2 weeks in a row) we are to submit those requests to the other party by April 1 . I did not receive any such request this year . A couple of days ago , I received a message asking for my ex to keep the kids longer in the first week of July.
I declined the request as it was 2 months after the time my ex was supposed to notify me . The response I received back was " I am taking them anyways and if you want them back Friday , you can drive the 5 hours each way to come get them. "
I feel this is contempt . Does anyone have any suggestions as to what I should do ?
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Old 06-14-2018, 08:36 AM
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cashcow4ex cashcow4ex is offline
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Do you have special plans with the kids during the time he wants them? If you don't, then whats the harm letting him have them 1 additional week. Sounds like they are going on a trip and the kids might have fun.
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Old 06-14-2018, 10:00 AM
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No special plans. Just feel like it is a unilateral decision by my ex to dictate to me what is going to happen regardless of what the written agreement says .
Except when I request something, the answer is always no .

what is the point of having a written agreement if you don't have to follow it ?
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Old 06-14-2018, 10:43 AM
PeacefulMoments PeacefulMoments is offline
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If it will be a fun experience for the kids, try to look at it as doing something for them, not as doing your ex a favour.
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Old 06-14-2018, 10:55 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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You need to pick your battles...


If this was me, and if I didn't have any other plans that would conflict anyway, I would relent because it's something for the kids to do...


...but in doing so, I would remind the other parent, that you guys agreed to let each other know of plans by "April 1", and I would state that you hadn't received any notice of this, so ask them if they had other dates in mind as well, as you will need to check for conflicts, or you want to ensure there are no other issues with dates, since you've already booked/made plans, for other summer dates.


"This should be no problem this time around, but please follow our agreement for vacation notice next time, as this may not work out next time with short notice."



Do this in writing (email), so you can keep a record of this, and if it becomes a chronic problem, of ignoring your agreement, I suppose you'll have ammo for later, in case you need to revisit the agreement, etc.
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Old 06-14-2018, 07:52 PM
Berner_Faith Berner_Faith is offline
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Is it possible you two are not on good terms because neither of you are flexible?

If you have no plans why say no just to say no? That doesnít necessarily seem beneficial to the kids. Itís very possible this trip just came up and the other parent may not have known of it in time to give you notice. Of course youíre within your right to say no since itís written in your agreement but wouldnít a much better way to handle this to be allowing the kids to go and stating you will take the following 2 weeks.

Also... you will be hard pressed to find them in contempt for one time if they decide to keep the kids


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Old 06-14-2018, 09:18 PM
foreverhome foreverhome is offline
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The kid is stil; yours. Don't you want to spend more time with him/her? You should be happy to spend more time with the kid. No?
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Old 06-15-2018, 11:14 AM
dad2bandm dad2bandm is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by foreverhome View Post
The kid is stil; yours. Don't you want to spend more time with him/her? You should be happy to spend more time with the kid. No?

I don't think you understood what the original poster actually wrote. Go back and read it again. They said nothing about not wanting to spend time with the child.
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Old 06-16-2018, 08:50 AM
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If the only reason you said no was because of the timeline then you are being unreasonable. Judging by her response, you are both being unreasonable and it's easy to see why there is ongoing conflict between you.
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Old 06-18-2018, 03:38 PM
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Do you know how hard it is to make plans 3 months in advance? You are both going to have to be flexible. You might be in the same situation next year.
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