Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

major decision making

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • major decision making

    The OCL recommendation is 50/50 custody and she gets final say in major decision making but must consult with me. What does that really mean? I take it in the end what ever she wants to do is what will happen? What difference is consulting with me do? Can she decide to move a great distance from my residence or not because of the 50/50 custody? If both parents live in different school districts, she decides which school they attend?

    The 50/50 is a great, but it's the final say in major decisions that concern me. What's really covered under major decisions?

  • #2
    I would think that major decision making would not include being able to move unilaterally.

    If you are going to court, I would put the rules about location and schools in the court order (or your agreement if not going to court).

    Also, it does seem that she can make other decisions unilaterally, but if you can prove she didn't consult you and that her decisions are not in the kids best interests, you can go to court over it.

    Sorry, it sounds like a sucky recommendation. It should not matter much though as other than where the kids live and go to school, there should not be much major decisions that would be different than you might make. But in the hands of the wrong ex, it would empower them to consider themselves as the only real parent and try to make all decisions, like what sports the kids play etc, and treat you as a second class parent.

    Comment


    • #3
      It does sound duplicitous. Is there anything re: mobility (clause) in the custody arrangement? Mobility should be clearly addressed and defined. I recall wanting OCL involvementt in my separation. After reading most of what I have re: them, I'm glad they were not involved.

      Comment


      • #4
        I had a similar thing:

        "[Mom] shall involve [Dad] in key decisions regarding the children. They are encouraged to utilize involved service providers and even mediation services in the event that they do not agree about a key decision pertaining to the children. Should these steps not realize a consensus decision, then [Mom] shall have final decision-making authority."

        It's one of the things that I can't live with for my kids sake , and the fact that it could be a great source of conflict if the discussions are of the token variety. Which is my fear. My position is (and I have a settlement conference coming up shortly), is that once we have all the access and financial stuff set up we should be able to come to agreements and compromise, but if she had Final decision making power there would be no motivation on her part to consider my point of view.

        From what I have heard the OCL makes this type of recommendation almost out of habit without true reasoning or justification for it. There are some situations where I agree it is needed, but those should only be in rare cases where there is no possibility of agreement.

        Comment


        • #5
          So, how do you fight the recommendation that the X has final say in major decision making? After all it's a 50/50 shared custody, so the OCL sees that there is benefit to have both parents involved. To me that should mean for everything.

          Comment


          • #6
            She cannot move the children to a residence that is any significant distance from you if you chose to stop her. The courts would not support it unless she had extremely compelling reasons. With 50/50 already in place, those reasons are nearly impossible.

            She may choose the school in her own district, or choose a private or alternative school (usually you can't just randomly pick a school in any district in the public system) that is a reasonable distance from your residence. If it were unreasonable, you would argue that with 50/50 residence, it is not in the best interest of the children to be moved to a school so far from their home.

            You should have full access to school and medical records, but because bureaucrats in the system aren't legal experts and don't understand that you are still a parent, you should probably have this fact written into the court order to save you arguing.

            You may take your child for emergency medical treatment. Hospitals do not need any parent's consent (like it or not) to treat emergency conditions.

            Your ex has final say in any elective treatment.

            Your ex must consult you, that does mean something. It means she can't do anything without informing you first. Even though you don't have final say, just imagine how aggravating it would be if you weren't told at all. Many of us have been through that and it is absolutely horrible. Being informed ahead of time means that if you believe she overstepping her bounds, you have an opportunity to take it to court; don't do that over trivial matters, but it is a big advantage to be warned before something actually happens.

            OCL recommendations can be argued against, but you need reasons to support an argument and facts to support your reasons, otherwise your argument will fail.

            Comment


            • #7
              I too have final say, but it was me who added we're suppose to come to an agreement before I get to "use it" per say. It's really not that big of a deal. Mine was more for counseling issues. Ex refused to allow our son to attend because he was pumping him full of garbage. I'm sure there's more vindictive ex's out there that would miss use this "power", but in all honesty major decisions don't come around that often. If she tries to use it for say, hockey and she blows crap like "you're paying because I have final say" let it go and move on with life. She shouldn't be able to move if it effects your access time. My mobility clause is wide open. It really just says that a move can't negatively effect the others time with the kids. Which is actually the law. She can move all she wants. If it effects your time, the kids stay with you. So, if she tries you then have an argument to have the kids be with you full time. I wouldn't stress to much about it, unless you have a good idea she's about to move. If that's the case, maybe ask her. Then move forward with the answer she gives you.

              Good Luck!

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks all. I would have some sort of clause that neither can move the children beyond the local...ish area unless agreed to by both.

                Is there somewhere online that it spells out what major decision making covers? I'll search, but figured I'd ask as well.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Usually school, religion, medical, dental, area of residence (mobility), travel etc.

                  This might be a good place to start:

                  Ontario Divorce and Family Law

                  Comment

                  Our Divorce Forums
                  Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                  Working...
                  X