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offtocourtwego · #1 01-24-2010, 05:31 PM

First...thank you for all of the extremely helpful advice within these forums. My girlfriend and I are eternally grateful. Good luck to all!

Our situation...

Then:

GF moved in with me in July, her ex contested based on residence clause in SA...cannot move outside Greater Toronto without consent, proper notice was given...note GF is in real estate and mistakenly thought GTA boundary included new location as it is included as part of GTA for the Toronto Real Estate Board listings...Greater Toronto actually extends north only to Steeles Ave
Our home is in Bradford, 68 kms from her ex's (beaches, TO)
GF and her ex have two children, seven and nine, with shared custody (50 / 50), GF is primary caregiver
GF - mon, tues, every second weekend...ex - wed, thurs, every second weekend
GF submitted a parenting plan which kept kids enrolled in TO school and no change to either custody or access for ex, all travel provided by GF
kids are one billion percent wanting to live in Bradford despite travel

Interim:

kids and GF live in Bradford every second weekend and are forced by consent order to spend school nights in TO
also by consent all Bradford activities suspended, dance, karate
ex is extremely manipulative and controlling
mediation provided an agreement which ex reneged on next day...refused to sign
note, mediator immediately recognized an imbalance of power and held separated closed door sessions
case conference was a non event as ex would not negotiate in spite of encouraged resolution by court
ex has a long history of email and verbal harassment, including a recent barrage as the trial nears including comments like...jump from bed to bed to pay bills, thank god for his wife providing a positive female role model for kids (note, GF university educated, responsible parent, active community member, good person)

Now:

trial is scheduled for feb. 3
ex has changed lawyers and is seeking adjournment
ex has suggested seeking sole custody
ex has provided an offer to settle that includes negating CS, full indemnity, and sole custody with liberal and generous access, no Bradford
GF has submitted two reasonable offers to settle

If all of this wasn't so serious in nature for GF and her kids, it would almost be laughable. We understand that the mobility issue has some merit, however we strongly believe that this is in the best interests of these children...and we have witnessed in mediation and conference that a court may share the same opinion. Case law support provided within these forums is invaluable...Ligate v Richardson in particular (the appeal).

Sorry, the questions...I hope the facts provided give a decent snapshot.

1. Chance of adjournment (two weeks before trial) based on change of representation?
2. Chance of arguing sole custody at feb. 1 trial? Ex's affidavit reads like a custody argument...GF's reads like a mobility argument...we chose to not 'muddy the waters' with a custody written affidavit...only issue before the court at present is mobility...trial is affidavit evidence only
3. Advice wanted re a harassing, dismissive co-parent and a possible criminal element...its just not right?
4. In the event that ex does file for sole custody (likely), how do we respond??? In spite of all this BS, GF recognizes the importance of the kids father in their lives. Only loser here is the kids, sole custody for either isn't in the best interest of these kids, they love both their mom and dad...although dad is a little less popular lately!
5. Most importantly...and this is the one that keeps us up at nights...at what point do you throw in the towel and recognize that two perfectly wonderful children don't deserve this? At what point does an imperfect status quo override 'ugly'?

Kindly know that I am a divorced father, of three daughters, who enjoys a great relationship with his ex and a book worthy co-parenting arrangement. We, all of us, owe our children the best after divorce life possible.

Thank you in advance for any helpful comments.

standing on the sidelines · #2 01-24-2010, 05:55 PM

well I can understand the fathers view. If there was a mobility clause then your GF has to live up to it. Is there anyway that you could move to within the boundary of the GTA??

it looks like your GF is being resonable with the willing to provide all the travel etc. I wonder if he is thinking that if he agrees she may change her mind down the road in regards to providing all the travel. That would worry me if I was in his postion. How does it work during the week for school, does she drop them off the night before or does she wake them up earlier and take them? How long of a drive would it be??

Why is Dad a little less popular now?? He just wants his ex to live up to her agreement and if she doesn't then how does he know she will live up to future agreements she makes?

I can see your points and they are valid, but on the other hand so are his.

dadtotheend · #3 01-24-2010, 06:23 PM

Mobility has "some" merit???? She "mistakenly thought" that Bradford was in the GTA? How about distorted the location of Bradford? How about your GF was foolish and selfish (maybe even controlling) to think she could pull this off without being contested by the Father. I think it's absolutely ridiciulous!!!!

It's NOT in the kids best interest to be shuttled from Bradford to the Beaches for school. Except in you and your ex's minds, it's also not in the kids best interest to be moved so far away from their routines and their FATHER.

I live in the Beaches, and I have been to Bradford many times. Slice it any you want, that is a one way two hour drive in rush hour for sure, if the traffic isn't that bad. How could your GF possilby defend a position that Bradford is in the GTA? It is way north and west of Toronto and the kids go to school at the south east end of Toronto

How can you say in virtually the same sentence that ex hopped from bed to bed to pay bills and then say he is married?

The children are too young to have their preferences heard, so whether or not they "1 billion percent" want to move to Bradford is irrelevant.

You give a concise bulleted history of the situation. You even spray in a few editorial comments to buttress your argument. Who cares whether Dad was a dick to your GF? If he parents the kids well, it doesn't matter. Indeed if it demostrates that the two of them can't get along, it could hurt her and she could lose custody.

The move away from her children's schools is so compelling as to be the central issue here. Your GF screwed up bad. If she doesn't come up with a plan that somehow keeps the kids in a shared parenting arrangement (i.e. no Bradford school nights), she will certainly find herself paying CS because primary residence will be with Dad, and she could even lose custody.

I can't f'n believe what a dumb move that was.

billiechic · #4 01-24-2010, 07:15 PM

Dadtotheend is right (if a little hot-headed

). NO University educated person who works in Toronto Real Estate could possibly believe Bradford was in the GTA. Bradford is a 20 minute drive NORTH of where I believe the GTA ends (at hwy 9). The GTA does not end at Steeles, the City of Toronto ends at Steeles.

What I don't get though is how it is in the children's best interests to make this kind of commute all the way to the beaches. That IS a 2 hour drive. The weekends in Bolton shouldn't be a problem, but she should never have chosen to move that far without speaking to the children's father.

Put yourself in his shoes. Ex wife moves far away. Ex is primary caregiver. He is SCARED that she is trying to establish a new status quo. He knows this kind of commute is a bad idea, and if it comes down to it a judge would likely rule for sole custody for one parent rather than make the kids suffer the commute. Since she is the PC, it would probably be her. See my point? The move opens up a risk for him to lose the 50/50 he currently has.

If you don't try to fix this and it goes to court, prepare to be chewed out by the judge and begin the battle for custody. Just because moving to Bradford gave the kids a more stable family atmosphere does not mean it was the best decision. 2nd families always have to remember that they are linked to the original family. Whatever you do to benefit your family should do not harm or even benefit the ex and his family. This move was a bad idea.

dadtotheend · #5 01-24-2010, 09:13 PM

Your damn right I'm hot headed about it. It's a mistake of huge proportion. Moreover to spin it as in the best interest of a grade 2 and grade 4 child is selfishly confusing Mom's own interests with those of the children. Give me a break.

And as for primary caregiver? They share the kids equally. There is no primary residence. But there's going to be one ordered by the court in Toronto if this doesn't get resolved b/w the two of them. I can't see how she can get around this without moving back. She has just handed primary residence at least, and maybe sole custody to Dad.

FYI, my ex moved from the Beaches to Sutton, on the other side of Lake Simcoe. She tried to have the children moved with her and the judge called it "bizarre". That was her first huge mistake on the way to losing custody. In my research at the time I also came across another Dad whose ex moved from the Beaches to Oakville. Same result, he obtained primary residence in court.

You don't move away from your kids routines, period.

billiechic · #6 01-24-2010, 09:25 PM

I know you have reason to be "hot-headed", I too think it is a selfish move and damaging to the kids, regardless of whether they want it or not. My ex tried to pull the same thing and I put the breaks on him. 50/50 custody is not possible with that kind of distance.

This father was robbed of the chance to stop it, and now he is only trying to correct the mistake. If the mother had been considerate of the kids and their father in the beginning then he wouldn't have had to get nasty.

Glad you got the chance to undo your ex's selfish decision. What is it about moving away from the Beaches? That is 3 cases now...

dadtotheend · #7 01-24-2010, 09:30 PM

You don't live in the Beaches do you???

FYI, my ex was more or less forced to move home to her family. She was in a bad way, and needed their support. She was b/w a rock and a hard place. Trying to move the kids up there was selfish, but she was damned if she did move (away from the kids) and damned if she didn't (she would have gotten worse).

billiechic · #8 01-24-2010, 09:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dadtotheend

You don't live in the Beaches do you???

not me. the OP, you and the case you referenced were all moving from the Beaches.

If your ex was ill, then I can see her having a hard decision to make.

But the OP has not stated there was any reason to move that far, only to move in with new beau. If your case (Dadtotheend) had a viable reason for her to move and it contributed to you getting sole custody then I would recommend that this mother make every attempt to reconcile this issue with the father. it does not look good for her...

dadtotheend · #9 01-24-2010, 09:47 PM

Yep, agreed.

It can be salvaged but she is going to have to work with Dad in the matter. I hope they can do it for the sake of those kids.

offtocourtwego · #10 01-25-2010, 07:54 AM

Thank you for replies.

Dad to the end...go away, your misguided anger has no place here. We get quite enough of that from her ex thank you.

Sole custody may be in our future, GF and her ex might as well be living on separate planets for all the effective communication and coparenting that happens...and I can assure all that it all originates from the angry ex. Further, yes the kids are affected by that. Both have major behavioral problems...

Anyways, enough of that. Its going to court. I asked several questions that I was hoping would be answered.

Regards questions of us...

GF works in beaches and plans to drive kids to school in morning...interestingly, she has changed her entire work schedule which allows more time with kids, no more daycare.

We believe people leave the beaches because it is very expensive for single parents.

You would be surprised how little most university graduates know.

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