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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

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  #1  
Old 04-13-2009, 10:12 PM
MoEcho MoEcho is offline
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Question How do you find peace?

It's only been 5 days, I know, time heals all .. but .... I am tired of hearing my heart beating in my ears. Feeling my chest explode with heat and anxiety. Nerves running rampant... crying fits in the produce isle at Sobeys.. Ugh.

How do you find peace? How can I find that quiet, safe place where I can gather my thoughts? How do you stop your mind from going down the most negative roads?

I suppose these feelings are normal. I guess loads of folks on here are going through the exact same things. I would not wish this sadness on my worst enemy.

Thanks for any tips / advice.

Heidi
  #2  
Old 04-14-2009, 06:36 AM
standing on the sidelines standing on the sidelines is offline
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find something that makes you happy like listening to upbeat music, keep busy doing things that make your mind think about something else like a crossword puzzle or something. Go for walks and pay attention to the changes that are taking place because of the spring.

My thing was listenting to 80's music and dancing like an idiot in my living room. It mademe happy and also lost some weight and toned up because of it.
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Old 04-14-2009, 07:51 AM
pemachine pemachine is offline
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Interstingly enough 80's music helped me a lot as well. lol. actually just music in general is a great way to unwind.

Exercise or physical activity is also an excellent idea, the brain chemicals released when you are active will help to quell some of the negative emotions you are experiencing.

Also the more that you endure all of this, the more you can look back and say, yes I've endured it for THIS LONG, and it may help to make you feel stronger about your ability to persevere.

And come here a lot. We are here to help.
  #4  
Old 04-14-2009, 11:46 AM
MoEcho MoEcho is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
find something that makes you happy like listening to upbeat music, keep busy doing things that make your mind think about something else like a crossword puzzle or something. Go for walks and pay attention to the changes that are taking place because of the spring.

My thing was listenting to 80's music and dancing like an idiot in my living room. It mademe happy and also lost some weight and toned up because of it.
Thank you so much for the advice! I just happened to have a new, fully loaded Ipod Shuffle with 400+ tunes ready to roll God Bless Mac!

Quote:
Originally Posted by pemachine View Post
Interstingly enough 80's music helped me a lot as well. lol. actually just music in general is a great way to unwind.

Exercise or physical activity is also an excellent idea, the brain chemicals released when you are active will help to quell some of the negative emotions you are experiencing.

Also the more that you endure all of this, the more you can look back and say, yes I've endured it for THIS LONG, and it may help to make you feel stronger about your ability to persevere.

And come here a lot. We are here to help.
You are right about that too! The longer I endure, the better / stronger I'll feel about myself in the long run...... Thanks!!

Mucho Appreciative
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Old 04-15-2009, 09:53 AM
davedad davedad is offline
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Well, I joined a fitness boot camp that ran 3x per week. It was positively murder on the body at the start and I honestly couldn't pick up a glass of water some days.

That pain felt pretty good after a little while. It got addictive too. After 24 consecutive months, I have now lost close to 45lbs, run a 1/2 marathon, competed in 3 triathlons.

That isn't to say that that's for everyone, but shake up it - do something different and focus on YOU. And have FUN.

Good luck...
  #6  
Old 04-20-2009, 06:26 PM
Stubbs Stubbs is offline
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I'm just new to this too. A good friend of mine who has been through several disasterous relationships gave me this advice:

1. Get your closest circle of friends and ask them straight out to support you by keeping you busy and distracted with frivolity and good times. If they can't help you: Find a new bunch of friends.

2. Hit the gym, and hit it HARD. Not only will you get some frustrations out, but when your body has gotten a good workout you'll sleep better. And on top of it all, you'll immediately start feeling healthier and looking better. You're back on the market, remember.

3. Channel your negative feelings into something you can feel good about. Try volunteering at a Food Bank. A couple of days there, and your life will be put in perspective.

4. Try meditation. It's easy, cheap and effective. Buy a mediation book/CD combo, and learn how to purge the demons and find a little inner peace.
  #7  
Old 04-26-2009, 07:47 PM
Feels Inevitable Feels Inevitable is offline
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Man this is tough, in my situation I never pushed for a seperation...she wants out bad.

Guys/Gals, how do you let go??? it kills me to think she will be seeing other men...

How are some ways to deal with that? Ive been working out again in the gym, but thats 1 hr out of 23 where im not thinking about the relationship ending....
  #8  
Old 04-27-2009, 12:39 AM
Stubbs Stubbs is offline
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It's hard to let go. My wife cheated on me, and now continues her relationship with this new guy while I'm in the marital house, paying the bills.

Sure, I've lost loads of sleep and a good 10 pounds.

My only saving grace is that I decided to put myself out there completely out of my comfort zone. I wake up early, shower, take the kids to school and then get out of that damned house. Find a new hobby, or even just grab an interesting book and go to a coffee shop and read for a while.

If you find yourself coming home and sleep seems unlikely: Have a glass of red wine and crack open a book and read until you fall asleep.
  #9  
Old 04-27-2009, 08:08 AM
limer limer is offline
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Default I used EAP at work a bit... it helped some... that well being thing...lol

Here's the text of it
  #10  
Old 05-14-2009, 11:13 AM
double twins father double twins father is offline
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Smile

just joined the forum today. I think we should all realize that all disastrous events in our lives generate normal and predictable responses. Whether a divorce or a death.
denial, anger, bartering (in the case of divorce, hoping things can get back to normal, pleassse! :-) ) and acceptance etc... I probably missed a few stages.

Research has shown that a person in the midst of separating can actually exhibit symptoms of insanity. How hard is that!

you shouldnt feel you are weak or abnormal when you have these feeling!! the fact you acknowledge them means you are being introspective and can reason what is going on, inside of you.

(At some point I was at work trying to forget it all and the place started spinning and I actually came to understand what a nervous breakdown was like. but I pulled back, went into denial for a little bit :-) )

Don't forget that the other person, unless unbalanced, egotistical or just not caring (and my heart, what's left of it, goes out to those people how have this kind of partner) is probably going through the same thing.

last thing. there is actually help out there for our psychological situation. In Quebec you can go to you MD and ask for psychological councelling, and it can be covered by your health insurance. I'm sure there's something similar in Ontario.

Forums, friends and family are integral to getting through this, but they can only give so much advise, and not always the best...
A "pro" may be what some of us need.

Also, if you are lucky enough to agree that you need to remain "friends", or as my ex says "roommates", there's end of relationship councelling.

My ex and I have agreed we need to CLOSE old wounds (not open them up again) for the sake of the kids.

to be honest though, we are seeing a mediator next week and I think that will shoot all of the good feelings (?) out of the water.

sorry for the rant, I guess we all need to share
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