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Hide on Bush · #21 05-04-2022, 02:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillPaying

Somewhat right.

OP filed a MTC, Ex responded - now it's before the court.
This does not mean OP should continue to file useless motions.

Ex-party
Motion to stop cc
Now factum, 3 affidavits, gigs of pictures and videos....for a simple motion?
2 pages to respond to "what are the issues for this sc" (3-4 months away)
The blind shouldn't lead the blind. They need a proper lawyer - not encouragement.

It was a factum, one affidavit, no videos, A-N in exhibits, for a motion to get supervised visitation. I’m not a lawyer but I would think submitting a motion to terminate a parents rights to visitation is far from simple. I also sought legal advice prior to seeking to proceeding with the motion. And I’m using their advice to do a SC first.

As for the pictures and videos, I offered to provide those to OC because they completely disproved Exs claim. Ex was claiming son doesn’t live with me. I have security camera footage showing he did. They were never added to anything filed to the court. If anything, they were referenced as being available at the request of the court or OC.

Quote:

Originally Posted by LMum

Stop it.... stop responding !! you don't need to explain yourself. We all believe you.

Yeah I’m going to stop now. It would be different if he was actually citing things that happened, not just his interpretation on what happened based on cherry-picking certain aspects.

StillPaying · #22 05-04-2022, 02:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hide on Bush

...

I cherry picked this too. Perhaps you just forget what you write...

It's good you're listening to your lawyer. I would let them worry about writing the brief when the time comes. And it's also good you understand this isn't a simple matter.

Let's flip it. Ex says you abuse him at every exchange.
Ex tells cops, who do nothing but report it.
Ex tells counselors, who reports it and advises to avoid exchanges.
Same for cas, ocl...

Ex doesn't have "proven claims".
Ex has hearsay from 3rd parties who are only relaying what Ex told them.

Should your rights be removed on this alone? Without expert reports, cross examination, viva-voce evidence...

Hide on Bush · #23 05-04-2022, 03:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillPaying

I cherry picked this too. Perhaps you just forget what you write...

It's good you're listening to your lawyer. I would let them worry about writing the brief when the time comes. And it's also good you understand this isn't a simple matter.

Let's flip it. Ex says you abuse him at every exchange.
Ex tells cops, who do nothing but report it.
Ex tells counselors, who reports it and advises to avoid exchanges.
Same for cas, ocl...

Ex doesn't have "proven claims".
Ex has hearsay from 3rd parties who are only relaying what Ex told them.

Should your rights be removed on this alone? Without expert reports, cross examination, viva-voce evidence...

Sure but the difference is i’m not a 10yo who doesn’t understand the world. What an adult may see as stupid, a child may see as world ending.

I’ll put it to you this way if you want to throw scenarios out there…

If your child was saying they were being bullied at school and would kill themselves if you made them go, would you send them without a care in the world?

How about if the principal, teacher, and bully said they don’t believe your kid is suicidal and just seeking attention so they won’t do anything to change the environment. Would you still send your kid without a care in the world?

How about if a therapist, who has no skin in the game, said there was a substantial chance your kid would kill himself if he went, and recommended long term care to help your kid. But that care is 10 months away. Would you still send your kid to school without a care in the world?

I think the major piece your ignoring is that my kid said he would kill himself if he went with his Dad. When I took him to get help, both his family doctor and a child therapist both agreed there was a chance. That was after talking with my Son. That’s why they both did priority referrals.

I think my Sons right to not be placed in a situation where he is suicidal and claiming he is being abused is just as equal as my Exs right to see his child. And the caveat is my Son is making that decision on his own. Not me. And before you claim I should be taking every step to facilitate access, I’d suggest reviewing this post and tell me what else I can do, because you know what? I would try it.

I have taken every suggestion provided on how to fix this and ran with it with no results.

StillPaying · #24 05-04-2022, 03:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hide on Bush

I think the major piece your ignoring is that my kid said he would kill himself if he went with his Dad.

This is the million dollar issue. Tough issue; but all signs point to school/dad being right.

Kid wasn't admitted to hospital, which I think would be the norm. No mention of meds, just continue with his counselor while hoping to get a specialist in a few months. Life continues as usual while he gets to say no to dad. Although, he has no issue with continuing with dad if dad puts his apology in writing. Dad's scared of grammar, so kid's still scared of dad, while mum has no interest in a reward/punishment option (parenting) and waits for others to enforce.

It's tough. Hopefully this ordeal will help him be a better parent but evidence can be cruel.

Hide on Bush · #25 05-04-2022, 04:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillPaying

This is the million dollar issue. Tough issue; but all signs point to school/dad being right.

Kid wasn't admitted to hospital, which I think would be the norm. No mention of meds, just continue with his counselor while hoping to get a specialist in a few months. Life continues as usual while he gets to say no to dad. Although, he has no issue with continuing with dad if dad puts his apology in writing. Dad's scared of grammar, so kid's still scared of dad, while mum has no interest in a reward/punishment option (parenting) and waits for others to enforce.

It's tough. Hopefully this ordeal will help him be a better parent but evidence can be cruel.

Children being admitted to a hospital is only the norm if the circumstances which prompted the suicidal thoughts were within the present environment. They were not. My Son wasn't claiming he was suicidal while with me. Only if he was forced to go with his Dad.

Doctors don't just hand out medication without a thorough assessment. Especially to children.

Its not like there was no care sought at all. Within two days I had my Son in front of his family doctor with a referral to a psychiatrist and in front of a child therapist at Maltby with a referral to long term therapy. Care like that doesn't come instantly.

Further, the letter ordeal wasn't my Son seeking a letter and everything would be fixed. This is stemming from CAS telling him that a wonderful starting point in re-sparking communication is through a letter. My Son did that and when his Father is outright refusing to, my Son is seeing that as his Dad not wanting to fix things because that's what CAS told him is a great starting point.

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillPaying

while mum has no interest in a reward/punishment option (parenting) and waits for others to enforce.

I'm interested in this. What steps should I be taking? Prior to the abuse/suicide claims I would have to bribe my Son to go. And when I say bribe, I mean bribe with expensive stuff. After awhile, that stopped working. I offered to get my Son a Nintendo Switch and he said "That's not worth it. Don't waste your money.". So I resorted to punishment. My Son spent entire weekends doing nothing but chores and sitting in his room doing nothing. Still refused to go. Further, I got my hand slapped by CAS for punishing my Son for not going.

Its not like this came out of nowhere. This has been ongoing since my Son was 6 and this past year, he has become more vocal about it. Especially after CAS educated my Son on what abuse was to prevent false claims.

Please educate me on what else I can do. Please. Even without the claims of emotional abuse and suicidal thoughts, what would you do if your child wouldn't leave the house and bribes and punishments did not work.

I'm actually interested to see if there was something I missed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by StillPaying

This is the million dollar issue. Tough issue; but all signs point to school/dad being right.

Here is the million dollar question to you. Would you risk your kids life because there is no concrete evidence stating your child is 100% suicidal?

blinkandimgone · #26 05-04-2022, 04:12 PM

Let's keep this focused on answering OP's questions rather than opinions of the situation please.

Hide on Bush · #27 05-04-2022, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by blinkandimgone

Let's keep this focused on answering OP's questions rather than opinions of the situation please.

My apologies. I even said I wouldn't engage and I continued to do so.

I know the OP was regarding my SC brief, but I am completely open to constructive conversation on how I can resolve this.

kate331 · #28 05-04-2022, 04:47 PM

I do think you should offer phone calls and Facetime, I know your son is refusing until he gets a letter of apology, but your ex is probably fearful it will be used against him in court. And its jumping out at me your child is being manipulative, but maybe its just my own experience with my son thats making me feel that way.

I respectfully disagree with you on what "norm" is to having a child admitted to the hospital for having suicidal thoughts. How do you know for sure, they aren't happening at your home as well, and hes not telling you? Children with mental health issues combined with coming from a fractured family are complex.

If it was me, and I've been there, I wouldn't wait the 10 months, its too risky, I'd do the hospital route.

Hide on Bush · #29 05-04-2022, 04:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate331

I respectfully disagree with you on what "norm" is to having a child admitted to the hospital for having suicidal thoughts. How do you know for sure, they aren't happening at your home as well, and hes not telling you? Children with mental health issues combined with coming from a fractured family are complex.

If it was me, and I've been there, I wouldn't wait the 10 months, its too risky, I'd do the hospital route.

I only stated this as this is what my Son's family doctor said (same with the medication). As for the suicidal thoughts being at home, when he was assessed at intake at Maltby, the therapist noted less than 10% chance of self-harm with me and greater than 75% chance of self-harm with his father. This documentation was provided to my Ex who still says my Son is seeking attention.

As for the phone calls and FaceTime, I would agree with you. The problem is both my Ex and my Son get into heated arguments when they have talked over the phone which usually has both of them name calling each other and me having to step in telling both people to be respectful. This was long before this matter had started.

I mean my Son received a text today form his Dad asking m Son if he wanted to see him today. When my Son said no, his Dad stated:

"I don't understand why your not over this yet. Why are you being so stubborn. Your making a mistake and your going to regret it when your older."

Now imagine that through a phone call or FaceTime.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kate331

And its jumping out at me your child is being manipulative, but maybe its just my own experience with my son thats making me feel that way.

This was my first thought when the emotional abuse claims came out. But then it went to suicide. Even then I was still questioning my Son's motives. However, with all of the shit my Son has had to go through on my end when it comes to speaking to mental health professionals, and through speaking with his family doctor and the therapist at Maltby, that concern of manipulation is slowly drifting away.

Plus (prior to the emotional abuse claims) when my Son was expressing his desire to not go with his Dad and he'd rather resort to entire weekends of staring at a wall as a punishment, again that thought of manipulation slowly dissipated. My Son was not only gaining nothing by trying to manipulate me, he lost so much. This is when CAS got mad at me because, as it turns out, that should have been a giant red flag to me that something else was going on.

kate331 · #30 05-04-2022, 05:28 PM

Quote:

"I don't understand why your not over this yet. Why are you being so stubborn. Your making a mistake and your going to regret it when your older."

Now imagine that through a phone call or FaceTime."

Oh crap, I've said this too!!! He's just trying to parent. Sounds like maybe you have different parenting styles. These EOW dads usually have to resort to being a Disney Dad, or a babysitter.

I hope therapy helps your son, or at the very least comes up with creative ways to keep a connection going.

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