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  Ottawa Divorce .com Forums > Main Category > Parenting Issues

Parenting Issues This forum is for discussing any of the parenting issues involved in your divorce, including parenting of step-children.

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  #1  
Old 03-21-2022, 10:25 PM
sshan sshan is offline
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Default Settled and depressed

I would thank the forum for providing information for people who are new to this system of divorce in Canada.

The truth about this system in Ontario is you need to lose the money and the child relation.

I wish one day like California where they will give 50 / 50 custody of time with the other parent.
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  #2  
Old 03-22-2022, 10:20 AM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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It's easy to give up and blame the system, and most do, but for those who actually use it - the system is magical. 50/50, return of children, enforcement, equalization... where all your reasonable dreams come true.
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  #3  
Old 03-22-2022, 10:26 AM
sshan sshan is offline
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I wont agree with you

I requested the judge whether I need to pay spousal support in case my ex marries before the spousal support ends and the answer from the judge : Yes you need to pay .


My ex has moved without giving notice and it is 80 km from my place and I asked the judge for a change in child support due to transport cost and the response from Judge was - NO you need to pay the full child support.

If I had taken this matter for trial I would have spent 30,000 dollars for trial and got the same answer.
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  #4  
Old 03-22-2022, 11:11 AM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Shoulda, coulda, woulda - Didn't!

I should have said, where all the reasonable dreams come true.
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  #5  
Old 03-22-2022, 11:37 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sshan View Post
I wont agree with you

I requested the judge whether I need to pay spousal support in case my ex marries before the spousal support ends and the answer from the judge : Yes you need to pay .


My ex has moved without giving notice and it is 80 km from my place and I asked the judge for a change in child support due to transport cost and the response from Judge was - NO you need to pay the full child support.

If I had taken this matter for trial I would have spent 30,000 dollars for trial and got the same answer.

And what did the judge say about custody? Parenting time? Mobility? Or was it simply about having to pay your ex? Because your post screams of money not your child. Not to mention both of those things are a given, the judge could have ruled otherwise for custody and parenting time if you had gone to trial.

Dont blame the system. You gave up on it before getting a full answer. There are a lot of people on here who have spent much more and gained little. They arent complaining.
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  #6  
Old 03-22-2022, 02:30 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sshan View Post
I wont agree with you

I requested the judge whether I need to pay spousal support in case my ex marries before the spousal support ends and the answer from the judge : Yes you need to pay .


My ex has moved without giving notice and it is 80 km from my place and I asked the judge for a change in child support due to transport cost and the response from Judge was - NO you need to pay the full child support.

If I had taken this matter for trial I would have spent 30,000 dollars for trial and got the same answer.
Child Support doesn't change it is separate from all other costs.
You could have asked for more time with the child and you could have also asked for travel expenses.

It sounds like you didn't ask for the right things.

Did you have a lawyer?

Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
It's easy to give up and blame the system, and most do, but for those who actually use it - the system is magical. 50/50, return of children, enforcement, equalization... where all your reasonable dreams come true.
What a load of unicorn poop; you may call it a rainbow but everyone knows it is poop.
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  #7  
Old 03-22-2022, 02:34 PM
pinkHouses pinkHouses is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sshan View Post
I wish one day like California where they will give 50 / 50 custody of time with the other parent.
50/50 is the default here, that is where cases start unless there is abuse.
Saying and asserting this from the start is what is needed.

I wish there was a government document every lawyer was required to give their clients outlining what the basics are including those basics that work against the lawyers best interests.

You can still get to 50/50 but it is going to take time. Keep asking for more time if that is what you want and work at it. Do all the parenting courses and bond with your child. You will have to move because you allowed your ex to build a base elsewhere and the kid has to go to school.
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  #8  
Old 03-22-2022, 02:54 PM
StillPaying StillPaying is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pinkHouses View Post
What a load of unicorn poop; you may call it a rainbow but everyone knows it is poop.
Typical "woe is me" post, blaming everyone else. OP was charged, avoided court, allowed the move, drove for years before asking for discounts, etc. Settled everything, then blames the system.

The system doesn't parent for you. Sit back and ignore the situation and the system will ignore you. Be the reasonable one and you'll find the system is very reasonable as well.
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  #9  
Old 03-22-2022, 03:51 PM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillPaying View Post
Typical "woe is me" post, blaming everyone else. OP was charged, avoided court, allowed the move, drove for years before asking for discounts, etc. Settled everything, then blames the system.

The system doesn't parent for you. Sit back and ignore the situation and the system will ignore you. Be the reasonable one and you'll find the system is very reasonable as well.

And its really disingenuous to the older/previous members who fought like hell against false accusations, through years of court, against legal aid applicants, had their kids stolen, watched their kids live in unsafe conditions, dealt with CAS and the police etc. to come on here and moan about how things arent fair. I have watched many posters on here lose everything to get 50/50 with their kidsincluding those who didnt see their kids for years due to liesand still they didnt pull this.

The system does suck and there are a lot of people who have lost out but if you are simply depressed because you have to pay your ex and took an easy road out, there isnt a lot of sympathy.
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  #10  
Old 03-22-2022, 05:00 PM
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blinkandimgone blinkandimgone is offline
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I'm sorry you're feeling down following your settlement. There can be a number of factors that contributed to not coming away with a more favorable outcome, mis-steps in the process or not navigating the process properly (it's definitely not easy), not promoting the relevant information to further a more favorable outcome, and getting overwhelmed by the process and giving in just to finally reach a settlement. Sometimes it's a bit of all of it.

If you're feeling down or depressed, it's definitely a good idea to reach out to your doctor or a counselor to discuss how you're feeling, especially if it's persistent, and look at strategies to help improve how you're feeling. If it's severe, please consider reaching out to your local Crisis centre for someone to speak to.
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