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Divorce & Family Law This forum is for discussing any of the legal issues involved in your divorce.

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  #11  
Old 05-13-2018, 01:00 AM
Istanbul Istanbul is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by arabian View Post
Well you let us know how easily you can see a judge. Do you propose to write or call one and ask for an appointment?
I am also confused by this question. My lawyer has a date in court for a motion. What do you mean about how easy it is, or asking for an appointment?
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  #12  
Old 05-13-2018, 01:24 AM
denbigh denbigh is offline
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Where to even start. I cant speak to the legal side as I am not experienced enought to know, but from a place of logic, of how most people think, you cannot raise your children if you live in a different country than them.

To just name a very few of the problems with your logic.

You said you want to "help" raise your children. Grandparents help. Babysitters help. Parents dont "help". They "parent".

You said have to consider all these various factors in your life preventing you from returning. If you want to parent your children, the children are the only factor you need to consider. I dont have a job that involves me working all over the world. Becasue I choose to have a job that means I am home every evening with my children. I would never take a job that involves me traveling out of town, never mind out of provice or out of country. I used to work shift work, I no longer do, becasue, for my children I prefer more stability. You have to decide what your value system is and what is most important to you.

You talk about you dont know yet what your skill as a parent is becasue you havent had the chance to parent yet? That makes no sense. Parenting starts on the day of birth, so if you have not had the chance to parent them yet....?

You are really lucky you have an ex wife who is raising your children so they have someone to raise them, since you are not around to do it. You are holiday dad and she has the daily grind, As you live away from your children, and you stated that when were married, your ex did the parenting and you did not, I suspect you have no idea the all consuming task parenting is. do you know what it is like to wake up and feed your child every 2 hours for weeks on end, until you finally get 3 hours of sleep in a row? Live a sleep deprived life for years through succesive babies and pregnancies? Have a child vomit all over your face? Not be able to pee alone as your toddlers bangs onteh door trying to get your attention? And that is the early years. Tehn you stay up late making a diaorama your child forgot was due, trying to scrounge items around the house, make insesant lunches, talk to teachers and coaches, arrange your life around your childs activity schedule, get your kid to do the dishes and stop fighting with your sister, juggle the entire household schedule for everyone, return the late library book, find last minute birth presents for kids frineds, listen to your 13 year old throw a temper tantrum at 8 AM because a favorite shirt is dirty and LIFE IS JUST SO UNFAIR, I HAVE TO WEAR THAT SHIRT. and somewhere in theri you must also work, pay your bills, and ensure your children gorw up with good values, and become productive members of society. Your children very well may prefer holiday dad to chore mom. Some day your children will realize who actually raised them.

If you are actually serious about wanting to see your children more, you may have to actually move to the same city they live.
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  #13  
Old 05-13-2018, 08:07 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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You have a serious problem with all your arguments. They all scream my kids are a low priority.

Your ex moved back to Canada, why didnt you follow her? You had to work. your job was more important

You dont want to move back to Canada unless you can have more time with the kids. your job is more important

You dont want to move your new spouse to Canada unless you have the kids 50/50. your new spouse is more important than the kids.

Do some serious reading in this forum on dads who have given up everything to fight to see their kids. The dads who have sacrificed everything to be with their kids. The dads who mortgaged their future to not only fight to see their kids but to build a life beside their kids school to be in fighting distance of 50/50. Your choices both before and continuing are proving your kids are not a priority.

You want advice? Youve gotten it. Either make your kids your number one priority or take what youve got in custody and enjoy it. Your choices have made the situation what it is. Not your ex, not your kids, not your job, not your new spouse, not the courts.
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  #14  
Old 05-13-2018, 09:44 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
Istanbul.. save yourself grief and instead of trying to justify yourself against a bunch of moms already against you feeding you negative and false information, make an appointment to speak with a lawyer.

PM me where abouts your wife is and I may have a good lawyer to suggest to you. it is clear the posters here (all moms) are advocating for the mother.

Rioe is the only one who I find has her head set straight and clear.


You really need to stop comparing your situation to others. You made sacrifices to be close to your child. You are fighting with everything you have to be close to your child. You made your child a priority. I say the same things to my partneryou moved away so you are equally to blame for the break down in the relationship with your kids.

Dads who want to be a part of their kids lives make the effort and move mountains to be there. Dont mix that up with women who hate men. Stop putting ill feelings out there because your attitude is being coloured by your situation. You do a disservice to people who need the kick in the ass.
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  #15  
Old 05-13-2018, 10:15 AM
rockscan rockscan is offline
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Actually I dont. I was raised by a single mother with a deadbeat dad who took off. My grandparents gave him work under the table and money. Meanwhile we lived on social assistance and I ended up with 50 grand in student loans. My dads reasoning? Fate told him he had to do what was best for him.

This man chose to have children. He chose to not follow his children. He chose to meet someone new and now hes choosing his career and new spouse over his kids. A dad who wanted his children in his life would have followed them, found a job here, worked out an agreement immediately to solve the kids schedule and lived his life. He made this mess.

There are plenty of dads on here who were actually thrown out of their kids lives and who fought tooth and nail for them. Look at PlainNamedDad who moved back and now has all his kids with him and is fighting his ex, LF32 who had his ex kidnap his daughter and he fought for several years to get 50:50, Links who argued his way through the courts, WorkingDad who set precedents for self rep...the list here is endless but they all have the same thing in commonthey put their kids first and refused to accept eow.

Hop off the women are evil train and use your head. There are some bad women yes but for the most part, a persons situation is the way it is because they made decisions based on their needs not their kids.
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  #16  
Old 05-13-2018, 10:59 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
You will find Kate's post in the other thread "So I just took his $$$". Any mother who went to court for sole custody and full guideline child support where the father was no serial killer is no different than the mother of my child.

the excitement and satisfaction and sense of power moms get when. taking money from their exs is very questionable. I am sure you would agree with the money being taken from YOUR family by your partners ex- and the excitement and satisfaction she gets from it.
Yes I did!!! And my ex is NO serial killer. Maybe your ex is SuperMom, but I am NOT. That extra cash comes in handy to entertain the children when Dad doesnt show up on his weekend so he can spend it with the "new and better" wife.
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  #17  
Old 05-13-2018, 11:04 AM
kate331 kate331 is offline
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Istanbul, I would suggest you make an effort to come back to Canada for your upcoming motion, your here 10 days out of the month anyway, and your retired. Your asking a Judge to make decisions that impact your children, you should be there. I am thinking your physical absence will send a message to the Judge what we are all thinking, that your priorities are not in the right place. Just my 2 cents...
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  #18  
Old 05-13-2018, 12:19 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Even if you have a long motion scheduled, you really do not have much time.
You will be represented by counsel at the motion. Judge may ask you direct questions but I can assure you that if you launch into a long diatribe of what you 'may be willing to do' you will be cut off. I do hope you have retained competent legal counsel for the hearing and not merely someone who is telling you what you want to hear (which is what I suspect or you wouldn't be presenting such a preposterous approach and content for your motion).

From what I can glean from your posts your position is simple: you are intentionally retired (intentionally unemployed). You seek increased access to your children if everyone agrees to your terms. You want the original separation agreement to carry on with you paying current CS. You do not agree to CS being recalculated. You have intention of remarrying but will not commit to moving to Canada unless it benefits your new wife and will ensure you have increased access to your children. You feel that obtaining more access and then purchasing/renting a home in Canada will benefit your new spouse's ability to come to Canada so you're ok with that (and it would not be hard for a judge to surmise that this is the true reason for your application).

Meanwhile your children - are they failing academically? Has child welfare been involved to date? Any other reasons you can substantiate to show need to change the status quo?

What sort of case law do you have lined up to support your position so far?
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  #19  
Old 05-13-2018, 12:26 PM
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arabian arabian is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by youngdad91 View Post
Istanbul.. save yourself grief and instead of trying to justify yourself against a bunch of moms already against you feeding you negative and false information, make an appointment to speak with a lawyer.

PM me where abouts your wife is and I may have a good lawyer to suggest to you. it is clear the posters here (all moms) are advocating for the mother.

Rioe is the only one who I find has her head set straight and clear.

Istambul has stated several times he has legal counsel.

Istambul, in his initial post on forum, requested feedback from everyone. Unlike you, Istambul is able to respond in a rational manner without spewing misogynistic tripe.
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  #20  
Old 05-13-2018, 12:35 PM
seeker101 seeker101 is offline
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The way I see it, both parents make choices. It's sad and painful when the custodial parent (usually the mother) alienates the kids and shockingly does her best to undermine the father and his role. The mother chooses to make access difficult, create false status quo, create conflict to show breakdown of communication, allegations of abuse, etc.

The father may choose to evaluate the overall situation and determine the best course of action which may not align entirely with the way a judge sees to be in the best interests of the child.

The difference is while the mother usually gets away with such behaviour, the father is penalized almost from the onslaught as being perceived as an absent, uninterested and selfish father.

On the contrary, the father has to spend thousands of dollars in proving that mother is being uncooperative, creates false status quo, etc. Moreover, if he settles for a job which enables him more access/parenting but may not be up to his potential qualifications, he may be seen as being underemployed (more legal fees to defend against this).

Personally, I have already made one emotionally driven decision when I reconciled with the mother after 11 months of separation to be with my 1 year old daughter as a full-time parent. Other than being full-time with my daughter, that decision was not in my best interest in terms of financial and safety (allegations of abuse) considerations.

When I chose to reconcile, the mother miraculously realized/admitted that I was a good parent and she was sorry she kept our daughter away from me. She also voluntarily agreed to fix our daughter's birth certificate by amending her family name and adding me as the father.

Imagine having to spend thousands in legal fees just to fix this minor thing that shouldn't have been there in the first place. It was plain out fraud/misrepresentation but the mother was never penalized.

Well, our reconciliation period lasted 5 months. When I decided to end our marital relationship, that greatly angered the mother and she had me charged with two counts of assault.

Presently, I'm also working outside Canada (got this job post separation) and have chosen to limit international travel until the criminal charges have been dispositioned. This resulted in me not seeing my daughter for almost one year. The trial date is coming up in a couple of months.

Lo and behold, after separation, I am again a bad father.

The cycle repeats where we, as parents, have to give up our powers and ask strangers i.e. judges to make decisions re our lives and our daughter's life. All this because mother hates me and does everything in her power to keep me away and I choose to move forward taking into account my own needs/safety as well.



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