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helenj · #1 01-26-2022, 05:22 PM

Hi all,

I've given an offer to settle to my ex so she can have sole custody and I can have every other weekend with overnights. For the past 2 years I've been seeing the kids supervised and no overnights. She is not wanting to give me overnights because she's claiming historical abuse (towards her and kids but all my charges were related to her).

My lawyer says that she would be surprised if I didn't get overnights, but I wanted to get everyone's thoughts given the facts below. And if there is something I should be doing to ensure my success to get overnights?

-No OCL or Section 30 report (she didn't' ask for one). No professionals to testify either.

-I did hit my son on the arm 2 years ago one time because he was being aggressive to his sibling and didn't listen. CAS investigated and closed the file because my ex didn't allow me to see the kids during that period. I took a parenting plan since then.

-I did go on disability 3 years ago under the guise of some serious mental health issues and was prescribed medication in order to collect benefits. She's claiming I have untreated mental health issues. I went to get a test done by a psychiatrist who said I'm fine, but now my ex is claiming because I didn't disclose my criminal charges to him, I mislead him and hence the report is invalid. My lawyer agrees that I should have mentioned this to the psychiatrist especially since he asked me. I didn't disclose it bc I was "charged" and not "convicted".

-During the "disability" phase, she continued traveling and I was taking care of the children. Yet she's claiming I wasn't able to take care of kids and it was her parents that were helping me with the kids while she was away.

-I had 7 charges of "historical" abuse, which was all withdrawn because the case took too long to resolve. I've maintained my innocence from day 1.

-In the meantime, young kids (under 11) have had supervised access with me for 2 years for once a week as per court's order. I was heavily involved in their lives prior to the charges.

-She's continuing to make allegations through her counsel that I have inappropriate conversations with my 7 year old and threatening me with professional supervision (rather than my sister supervising).

What are your thoughts? Do I have a shot at overnights? What can I do to enhance my chances?

Her counsel said they don't want anymore "exit TMCs" as the gap is too wide to settle and are pushing for trial.

iona6656 · #2 01-26-2022, 06:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by helenj

Hi all,

I've given an offer to settle to my ex so she can have sole custody and I can have every other weekend with overnights. For the past 2 years I've been seeing the kids supervised and no overnights. She is not wanting to give me overnights because she's claiming historical abuse (towards her and kids but all my charges were related to her).

My lawyer says that she would be surprised if I didn't get overnights, but I wanted to get everyone's thoughts given the facts below. And if there is something I should be doing to ensure my success to get overnights?

-No OCL or Section 30 report (she didn't' ask for one). No professionals to testify either.

You're lucky af that you didn't have the OCL- they would've nailed you for the next part of the information you are telling us below- ESPECIALLY not disclosing to your therapist that you were charged. My ex did exactly the same thing- he went to therapy, but failed to disclose to his therapist that he ever threated to kill me or our daughter. The OCL spoke to the therapist- and she wrote in her report that my ex failed to address his issues. He too was charged- but not convicted through a trial (he received an absolute discharge).

Quote:

-I did hit my son on the arm 2 years ago one time because he was being aggressive to his sibling and didn't listen. CAS investigated and closed the file because my ex didn't allow me to see the kids during that period. I took a parenting plan since then.

yeah- this is going to hurt you imo.

Quote:

-I did go on disability 3 years ago under the guise of some serious mental health issues and was prescribed medication in order to collect benefits. She's claiming I have untreated mental health issues. I went to get a test done by a psychiatrist who said I'm fine, but now my ex is claiming because I didn't disclose my criminal charges to him, I mislead him and hence the report is invalid. My lawyer agrees that I should have mentioned this to the psychiatrist especially since he asked me. I didn't disclose it bc I was "charged" and not "convicted".

your lawyer is right.

Also- under the "guise"? So either you have serious mental health issues or you're morrally corrupt?

Quote:

-I had 7 charges of "historical" abuse, which was all withdrawn because the case took too long to resolve. I've maintained my innocence from day 1.

you skated on a failure of the justice system- I'm not a family lawyer- but I'm thinking this is going to hurt you.

Quote:

-In the meantime, young kids (under 11) have had supervised access with me for 2 years for once a week as per court's order. I was heavily involved in their lives prior to the charges.

Did you ever have professional supervision where you can point to reports saying everything went well?

Quote:

What are your thoughts? Do I have a shot at overnights? What can I do to enhance my chances?

Her counsel said they don't want anymore "exit TMCs" as the gap is too wide to settle and are pushing for trial.

what was in your offer? Did you include gradual build up to overnights?

If I were you,

I would offer to go back to therapy- at least 10 sessions.

I would set out a graduated parenting plan which works up to overnights over the weekend- over the course of at least a year.

iona6656 · #3 01-26-2022, 06:25 PM

Also- based on the shit you've posted on here- you better settle. You don't sound like you're going to come off well in front of a judge. But then again- we are internet people, flinging around internet opinions. I hope you have a good lawyer.

helenj · #4 01-26-2022, 06:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by iona6656

Also- based on the shit you've posted on here- you better settle. You don't sound like you're going to come off well in front of a judge. But then again- we are internet people, flinging around internet opinions. I hope you have a good lawyer.

You're right. My lawyer has said same thing actually lol.

How can I settle if she's not settling? I already gave her sole custody and am only asking for overnights, which she's refusing. She's saying she does not want ANY overnights with me.
I live with my mom and kids have their own room here too.

Brampton33 · #5 01-26-2022, 09:29 PM

Concur with Iona. The best thing to do is to propose to gradually build up to what you desire. Any reason why you are limiting desire to only EOW? Put in a 1 year graduated plan where you also commit to 10 therapy sessions during that time. Increase the parenting time every 3 months so its gradual for kids and not an abrupt change.

If you are going to trial, and it sounds like you might be, you are best off having a really reasonable offer that is even below what a judge might agree to, so that you are considered the more successful litigant. The other side refusing overnights is simply being selfish. Kids shouldn't be deprived of being able to lounge with popcorn and watch a movie or hockey game with their other parent.

helenj · #6 01-26-2022, 10:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brampton33

Concur with Iona. The best thing to do is to propose to gradually build up to what you desire. Any reason why you are limiting desire to only EOW? Put in a 1 year graduated plan where you also commit to 10 therapy sessions during that time. Increase the parenting time every 3 months so its gradual for kids and not an abrupt change.

If you are going to trial, and it sounds like you might be, you are best off having a really reasonable offer that is even below what a judge might agree to, so that you are considered the more successful litigant. The other side refusing overnights is simply being selfish. Kids shouldn't be deprived of being able to lounge with popcorn and watch a movie or hockey game with their other parent.

I proposed a gradual build up to every other weekend and a mid-week visit on Tuesdays and Thursdays over the course of 4 months. I live 5 minutes away from her.

What parenting plan should I offer over a year? She's refusing any expansion of parenting time so I don't think anything more every other weekend would work with her, therapy or not therapy.

Thanks for your response!

pinkHouses · #7 01-27-2022, 12:21 AM

I aint no lawyer and don't have a lot of experience in the court room.
1) Your lawyer said they were surprised if you didn't get overnights.
2) Your lawyer says they are afraid how you will come across in court. Does that mean that you won't get overnights?

Get normal and get that test done again.

Quote:

I did go on disability 3 years ago under the guise of some serious mental health issues and was prescribed medication in order to collect benefits.

What was the other reason you needed the time off?

Quote:

I went to get a test done by a psychiatrist who said I'm fine, but now my ex is claiming because I didn't disclose my criminal charges to him, I mislead him and hence the report is invalid. My lawyer agrees that I should have mentioned this to the psychiatrist especially since he asked me. I didn't disclose it bc I was "charged" and not "convicted".

Their lawyer (your ex didnt come up with that) and your lawyer are saying this so a judge will likely say the same. Since they are objecting overcome that and get a new evaluation, do this ASAP.

Get a positive evaluation and it weakens their stance and may lead to settlement. It sounds important.
Can you delay trial?

Tayken · #8 01-27-2022, 01:21 AM

This is going to be posted on CANLii if it goes to court. Yikes.

helenj · #9 01-27-2022, 02:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tayken

This is going to be posted on CANLii if it goes to court. Yikes.

Can you elaborate on your response? Would love to get your thoughts as I've seen your previous posts where you have a good knowledge base.

Thanks

helenj · #10 01-27-2022, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by pinkHouses

I aint no lawyer and don't have a lot of experience in the court room.
1) Your lawyer said they were surprised if you didn't get overnights.
2) Your lawyer says they are afraid how you will come across in court. Does that mean that you won't get overnights?

Get normal and get that test done again.

What was the other reason you needed the time off?

Their lawyer (your ex didnt come up with that) and your lawyer are saying this so a judge will likely say the same. Since they are objecting overcome that and get a new evaluation, do this ASAP.

Get a positive evaluation and it weakens their stance and may lead to settlement. It sounds important.
Can you delay trial?

That's a great point I will ask my lawyer.

I don't think I can delay nor do I want to as it's been 3 years in legal battle.

What are your thoughts if I go to trial as everything stands right now?

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