I'd like your opinions...
My six-year-old stepson has pretty much always been living primarily with his mom. During an 18-month period when he was a toddler and my fiance and I had flexible schedules, he was with us 38% of the time. However since he began JK, in an effort to provide a consistant schedule and routine as well as allow time for extra-curricular activities, we have been seeing him every-second-weekend and 50% of all holidays. This is quite alright with us. We know there is nothing much we can do about it, especially given the status quo and the difference between our home and where the bio-mom currently lives with relatives (100km).
What I am noticing lately, however, breaks my heart.
Lately, my stepson has always been asking if his mom is going to be home when we drop him off. I tell him that I don't know, because half the time she is not there and we drop him off with his grand-parents or great-grandparents. He seems to get a bit choked up when I tell him that I don't know, but hope that she is. Each time we drop him off lately and it's not his mom who answers the door, the first question he asks in a choked up voice is "Is my mom here?"
Digging deeper into his feelings, I found out that he only sees her in the mornings before school, when she wakes him up, gets him ready and drives him to daycare. He told me that she often goes away "on trips" and that it's his great-grandpa that picks him up from daycare and his great-grandma that eats dinner with him and puts him to bed. "Sometimes" his mom is there to tuck him in.
If this isn't enough, a few months ago he confided in me that his mom has a "new friend" that she spends a lot of time with, and that she often sleeps on the couch with. The reason this makes my stepson upset is that him and his mom share a room together, and when this "new friend" stays over, his mom chooses to spend the night on the couch with him instead of in the bedroom she shares with her son. However, my stepson mentioned this to me a few months ago, and hasn't said anything about it since, so I cannot be sure if his mom is still seeing this "new friend" or not.
Also, about a month ago, the bio-mom sent an email complaining about how it is always her having to pick the child up from school when he is sick, how she cannot afford to take any more days off work to care for him, and demanding that my fiance or I pick him up and care for him while he is ill until she is able to be with him herself or until he is well enough to go back to school. We responded to her that she cannot possibly expect us to leave the child waiting for at minimum 2 hours, ill at school, while we get off work and drive across 5 cities to get to him, while she works in the same city as his school! We also mentioned that if she cannot handle the responsibilities of a custodial parent (something she fought so hard for) then we'd be more than happy to take over physical custody and receive child support from her to compensate for our lost workdays. This shut her up pretty quickly, and we've heard nothing from her since.
So what would you do in this situation? How can we help the child become better accustomed to his mom's "busy schedule?" Have you experienced this with your kids, and could share some insights? Unfortunately, any concerns regarding her parenting or "suggestions" we try to give to the bio-mom will not be well received.
Any thoughts?
My six-year-old stepson has pretty much always been living primarily with his mom. During an 18-month period when he was a toddler and my fiance and I had flexible schedules, he was with us 38% of the time. However since he began JK, in an effort to provide a consistant schedule and routine as well as allow time for extra-curricular activities, we have been seeing him every-second-weekend and 50% of all holidays. This is quite alright with us. We know there is nothing much we can do about it, especially given the status quo and the difference between our home and where the bio-mom currently lives with relatives (100km).
What I am noticing lately, however, breaks my heart.
Lately, my stepson has always been asking if his mom is going to be home when we drop him off. I tell him that I don't know, because half the time she is not there and we drop him off with his grand-parents or great-grandparents. He seems to get a bit choked up when I tell him that I don't know, but hope that she is. Each time we drop him off lately and it's not his mom who answers the door, the first question he asks in a choked up voice is "Is my mom here?"
Digging deeper into his feelings, I found out that he only sees her in the mornings before school, when she wakes him up, gets him ready and drives him to daycare. He told me that she often goes away "on trips" and that it's his great-grandpa that picks him up from daycare and his great-grandma that eats dinner with him and puts him to bed. "Sometimes" his mom is there to tuck him in.
If this isn't enough, a few months ago he confided in me that his mom has a "new friend" that she spends a lot of time with, and that she often sleeps on the couch with. The reason this makes my stepson upset is that him and his mom share a room together, and when this "new friend" stays over, his mom chooses to spend the night on the couch with him instead of in the bedroom she shares with her son. However, my stepson mentioned this to me a few months ago, and hasn't said anything about it since, so I cannot be sure if his mom is still seeing this "new friend" or not.
Also, about a month ago, the bio-mom sent an email complaining about how it is always her having to pick the child up from school when he is sick, how she cannot afford to take any more days off work to care for him, and demanding that my fiance or I pick him up and care for him while he is ill until she is able to be with him herself or until he is well enough to go back to school. We responded to her that she cannot possibly expect us to leave the child waiting for at minimum 2 hours, ill at school, while we get off work and drive across 5 cities to get to him, while she works in the same city as his school! We also mentioned that if she cannot handle the responsibilities of a custodial parent (something she fought so hard for) then we'd be more than happy to take over physical custody and receive child support from her to compensate for our lost workdays. This shut her up pretty quickly, and we've heard nothing from her since.
So what would you do in this situation? How can we help the child become better accustomed to his mom's "busy schedule?" Have you experienced this with your kids, and could share some insights? Unfortunately, any concerns regarding her parenting or "suggestions" we try to give to the bio-mom will not be well received.
Any thoughts?
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