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  • #31
    Originally posted by Allformyboy View Post
    Thank you for making me smile, Janibel. I can't imagine why she would fear me. She would prob kick my ass....truth be told. Lol There are other things I do not like, but I can't control these things.....they have told him to call her mom, I think this should be his choice, when he is comfortable doing so. Just to point out, my oldest(16) is not my exes, but a product of a previous relationship. He also does 50/50(his choice since he was 13). He calls his step mom...mom, in front of me. I have no issues with this as long as it isn't forced onto a child. And I also don't believe that a child should be told he has to like someone. What do I say when he says this to me?? I know that isn't right, he doesn't have to like her if he doesn't want, but I can't tell a 10 yr old that. This is where I need help also, sometimes I just don't know what to say to my son when he tells me things. I try to validate how he feels.....maybe I am doing something wrong.
    Well, you could explain to him that if he made an effort to like her, she would like him more and treat him nicer ... good life-lesson regardless. You can't attract bees with vinegar. Bottom line is: he's stuck with her and has to make the best of it.

    Also, if you have a strong reaction every time he tells you his gossip, he's going to milk this for all it's worth ... kids will do that, especially when faced with difficult transitions. He doesn't want to go and will try any way he can to avoid leaving his comfort zone (you).

    No, this is no fun, but in time if he makes an effort, he could have the advantage of having two loving families to help him in life.

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    • #32
      Should respect not be earned, that's what I was taught. His whole thing is that they fight, and get loud, and she calls his dad names....she yelled in his mothers face, how can a person expect to be respected when those that are closest to him are not themselves respected.
      I like the fact that I can get all this out in the open.........

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      • #33
        Originally posted by Allformyboy View Post
        Should respect not be earned, that's what I was taught. His whole thing is that they fight, and get loud, and she calls his dad names....she yelled in his mothers face, how can a person expect to be respected when those that are closest to him are not themselves respected.
        I like the fact that I can get all this out in the open.........
        Respect should be earned - always. Though I suspect that your kidlett may be resentful of this g/f and is too young to have a poker-face about it.

        The g/f being the adult in this equation should know better and it really is up to her to work this out, for everyone's benefit.

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        • #34
          I actually told him that today, while we were walking to their home. That maybe he should be nicer it her, and in turn she might be nicer to him. He is very negative, and stubborn at times. It's almost like he doesn't want to like her. I asked him today if when he said she was being mean.....was she really being mean, or was she just being more strict than mom. He said she was being mean.

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          • #35
            Originally posted by Allformyboy View Post
            Should respect not be earned, that's what I was taught. His whole thing is that they fight, and get loud, and she calls his dad names....she yelled in his mothers face, how can a person expect to be respected when those that are closest to him are not themselves respected.
            I like the fact that I can get all this out in the open.........
            I suppose it is all a matter of morals. Again, I revert back to the teacher, would you expect your son to respect his teacher even if he didn't like her because she wouldn't let him sit beside his friend, or because he got in trouble for talking? Again, I was taught to respect my elders not matter what... did I always like everything they did or said? Not a chance, but I certainly respected them.

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            • #36
              When D8 used to tell me stuff her father had said (derogatory stuff about me, often), I responded with "Isn't that weird. I don't know why he said that. Maybe he was just having a bad day", and then change the topic.

              Play it low-key whenever your son comes home with tales. If you show a reaction, he'll tell you more and more stories to get more reactions from you. And you already know that not everything he says is true (the whole dad-hitting-him episode). Kids aren't above embellishing things to get attention.

              He will learn from observing you - if you don't yell back at his stepmother, don't provoke incidents, and don't encourage him to be dissatisfied with his father's home, he will learn how to handle the situation. Janibel is right, he may not like it but it's the hand that life has dealt him and he has to learn to live with his father's new family.

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              • #37
                I have asked my ex that she refrain from texting me, as I never text her first but will respond out of courtesy. I do not see her at pick up or drop off, and if my son needs anything, his dad and I deal directly with each other(this is his dad's choice) I did not yell back at her that day, I was flabbergasted that she even yelled at me in front of the kids(mine and hers). And even more in shock when she pushed me. I kept a calm constant tone and simply stated please keep your hands to yourself. I work with people with responsive behaviours and knew that raising my voice would serve no purpose other than to agitate her more. I just wanted to get my son and leave. As soon as he came out, I did just that.

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                • #38
                  Probably not a good idea for her to be texting you. E-mail might be better if at all. Seems to me that if there was an emergency (that's the only time where she would need to contact you) it's your Ex that should be doing it. The less dealings you have with g/f the less chance of misunderstandings.

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                  • #39
                    I totally agree. But she texted last week to say she wasn't going to look after my son for me(his dad had already ok'd it). She feels like when I ask my ex to watch him(which isn't often) that if he leaves him with her, she is doing me a favour...... She is his step mom and should never consider watching her step child, as babysitting, or a favour. Am I wrong for thinking this way. Especially when I didn't ask her,(I never do) I always ask him, and he is usually more than willing. And then last minute she will text and not so politely tell me she is not watching my son.

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                    • #40
                      Okay, so,maybe new GF is not having such as great time as Step- Mom. Maybe she thought it would all be " brady bunch" and she would be Julia Roberts super Step Mom and his boys would love her.

                      Maybe she is trying to do everything right and it did not work. So gut reaction brings on conflict both her and your son.

                      I know, as a mother, its hard to do it all and then when things do not go as planned you becoming " controlling Mom".

                      My girls are older now and always joke about " you will have fun". I spent hours arranging this, so you will like it". Apparently 2 of my favourite parental meltdowns!

                      So maybe encouraging your son to play it cool and encourage GF that she is actually doing okay might cool down the tension for everyone. Also he needs to know its okay for him to like her and have fun and be part of Dads new family. He is not being a traitor to you.

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                      • #41
                        No... We don't get along ...I think we are both very type A personalities. Like things done our way, and any other way is wrong. So to speak. I can admit that I am this way, and I have, over time learned to see others perspectives regarding many issues that affect my children and I. I wish I could have a rainbows and butterflies relationship with her(like I do with my oldest boys step mom). I love her to death and couldn't have hand picked a better step mom for him. And I tell her that all the time. I have a hard time accepting a woman who refuses to say hello to me when we meet in a public place during the few times she has been present. I hand out the olive branch all the time. My gf says it's because she feels threatened by me, but I don't see it. If I wanted what she has, I wouldn't have left.

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                        • #42
                          Originally posted by Allformyboy View Post
                          She feels like when I ask my ex to watch him(which isn't often) that if he leaves him with her, she is doing me a favour...... She is his step mom and should never consider watching her step child, as babysitting, or a favour. Am I wrong for thinking this way. Especially when I didn't ask her,(I never do) I always ask him, and he is usually more than willing. And then last minute she will text and not so politely tell me she is not watching my son.
                          That's total BS on her part. She knew what she was getting into when she started her involvement with Dad. He's a package deal - love me, love my kids.

                          She is not a glorified nanny, she is now a stepmother.

                          Where she to refuse caring for your/his kidlett, she would have to explain that to him - not you. In which case you would need to go to court and have the parenting schedule redone.

                          She has taken on a man with children and is responsible for her decision. If she feels like she is working for you by caring for your kidlett, you need to ignore her completely and deal with this issue with the Ex.

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                          • #43
                            I felt unsettled reading about this situation. I'm no judge but I would fall on the dad's side. Seems like some boundaries are being crossed.


                            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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