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  • #31
    One thing you are not understanding is that YOU cannot dictate supervised access. If that is something you wish to see happen, you must go to court for that. You need to understand that you do not get to dictate how he spends his parenting time. If a court decides supervised access is in the best interest of the children, then he will have no choice, but if you go and tell him he can only have his children if he is supervised and withhold the children for this reason, without a court order, you may not like the outcome.

    Your best bet is to talk to a lawyer and ask about how to get supervised access, but remember, you need to have PROOF of all these allegations.

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    • #32
      yes, i do have an appointment next week with the lawyer but at least i would've tried to negociate with him otherwise if he wants to go to court, so be it. i have thousands of proofs. will leave in a very small community and again it won't be in his favor. thanks for the advice.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by blindside View Post
        yes, i do have an appointment next week with the lawyer but at least i would've tried to negociate with him otherwise if he wants to go to court, so be it. i have thousands of proofs. will leave in a very small community and again it won't be in his favor. thanks for the advice.
        Let me warn you against assumptions.

        The testimony of friends and neighbours won't help you much in court. If you want to claim he is unfit to parent you need evidence that stands up in court - arrests for public intoxication and drunk driving, doctors testimony etc. And even then if he is actively seeking treatment, it may not be a factor.

        The fact is that he is considered innocent until proven guilty. And he is considered to be a fit parent unless and until you prove otherwise.

        You be best served if you can try to settle without lawyers and courts. If it isn't possible, then prepare for the worst.

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        • #34
          i am not trying to prove that he is an unfit father. i am trying to find the best solution under the circumstances. this is for a short term plan but my goal is for him to be an equal parent. i am talking about physical custody. As for decision making I would like him to be involved in everything. my worries is that he refuses to seek help. he feels that he can stop whenever he wants. he is in denial. i caught him one tim when our first born was 10 months pouring alcohol in the bottle. he was so drunk that he didn't know what to do with a crying baby.

          anyway, who says divorce especially with children involved is easy? he seems angry with the whole situation. he hung up every time i try to discuss with him the current situation and what should we do. I will try to ask him to have the children for the week end and see how things go. if he says no, what should i do then?

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          • #35
            I'm going to call blindside out - If anyone poured alcohol in any baby's bottle (mine or someone elses baby) I'd have taken action against that immediatly. It is really too easy for people to say "he did this and he did that and he is a drunk and blah blah blah" when they thought it fit to tolerate that behaviour for so long. If it was okay then - What makes it so bad now?

            I'm not suggesting for a moment that pouring alcohol in a baby's bottle any day is okay. Because it is not. But you don't have a valid argument when you say I'm worried now but I wasn't worried enough over the last however many years to do anything about it.

            Listen, a lawyer once said to me: You aren't the first people to go through a divorce. A judge has seen many people go through this. And many people lie until the cows come home. I encourage you to read this article:

            Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW

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            • #36
              Originally posted by Serene View Post
              I'm going to call blindside out - If anyone poured alcohol in any baby's bottle (mine or someone elses baby) I'd have taken action against that immediatly. It is really too easy for people to say "he did this and he did that and he is a drunk and blah blah blah" when they thought it fit to tolerate that behaviour for so long. If it was okay then - What makes it so bad now?

              I'm not suggesting for a moment that pouring alcohol in a baby's bottle any day is okay. Because it is not. But you don't have a valid argument when you say I'm worried now but I wasn't worried enough over the last however many years to do anything about it.

              Listen, a lawyer once said to me: You aren't the first people to go through a divorce. A judge has seen many people go through this. And many people lie until the cows come home. I encourage you to read this article:

              Your Social Worker - Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSW
              I agree. If it really happened she still had another kid with him after that. she said it happened with her first-born.

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              • #37
                I imagine it's difficult but he is equally their parent. I have been to family court and I've seen situations where both Mom or Dad are in rehab. Sole custody is only usually granted on a temporary basis and then later reviewed. You're right about courts generally maintaining the status quo though. The longer the kids are primarily in one parent's care the more difficult the battle becomes for the other parent to obtain shared parenting. Why fight it? If he wants to accept the responsibility then why not give him a chance. If he falls on his face and can't manage the kids then it's his problem. At least he'll no longer be able to say it's parental alienation.

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