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  • #16
    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
    I think this can sometimes be a self-perpetuating situation. I've made it very clear to my children (both verbally and in my actions) that I am just as competent as my ex in taking care of them and I don't need her help in doing it. After perhaps one reminder and a chance to prove myself - I can feel that my children have a confidence in me like "Hey, Dad can take care of just as well as mom". I'm very proud of that.

    Obviously the fact she is an unemployed loser staying at home will always put me at a sort of disadvantage while I work to sustain both homes, but even then - I hope my kids see what I put in to keep them financially secure while being a single parent.



    Fathers should learn to break the gender stereotypes of mothers know best. Its important for the future generation of kids in this new fully equalized society that fathers play an equal role take care of their children whether divorced or married, its better for the kids and for the fathers.
    Alright - it's about child support and spousal support and the fact that dad works his a$$ off to provide for two homes. That's what all these issues are about, right? Money? Nothing to do with a sick kid who just wants to stay home.

    I hope for your kids' sakes that you keep the "loser unemployed staying at home" completely out of the equation when dealing with her.

    I've never been a loser unemployed stay at home mom and yet my child still preferred to be with me when she was sick.

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    • #17
      My kids have no idea what I think of my ex. It doesn't help the kids to talk poorly about the other parent. I can come here to rant a bit about my ex if I want (though I imagine she could know about this site now and monitoring it).... At the end my ex lost big but it will only be clear after sometime...

      I'd like to think my kids have 2 homes, I refer to their mom's house as just that and my house as just that and they have both (I tell them its like rich people that have lots of houses everywhere).

      My kids don't even ask to go to their mom's house when their sick, I take care of them and they're happy - I'm attentive, calm, patient and loving. My ex tries to impose her views on me but I refer to doctors (friends) or the internet and I do what's correct. I do consult her though and let her know the status.

      Yeah, and I'm the one who works my ass off to provide for them

      The fact your child preferred you is because you were probably there more maybe by choice or circumstance or whatever. My point is that fathers need to be an equal part of their children's lives nowadays.
      Last edited by Links17; 03-04-2014, 07:07 PM.

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      • #18
        Being unemployed w/o trying to work = loser

        if there ever was a definition for it.

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        • #19
          Originally posted by Links17 View Post
          My kids have no idea what I think of my ex. It doesn't help the kids to talk poorly about the other pareint.

          I'd like to think my kids have 2 homes, I refer to their mom's house as just that and my house as just that and they have both (I tell them its like rich people that have lots of houses everywhere).

          My kids don't even ask to go to their mom's house when their sick, I take care of them and they're happy - I'm attentive, calm, patient and loving. My ex tries to impose her views on me but I refer to doctors (friends) or the internet and I do what's correct. I do consult her though and let her know the status.

          Yeah, and I'm the one who works my ass off to provide for them
          Perhaps your kids feel like they have two homes. Maybe, just maybe, in other situations the kids don't feel like that at all. My ex didn't even keep spare underwear for her at his house (that I didn't provide in her bag) - so, he created an environment where she felt like she was visiting, and then returned home, to my house. When a child is sick - hell, when anyone is sick - that's where they want to be - HOME.

          My ex recognized this and, despite being capable, when she asked to go home because she was sick, he brought her home.

          Not everything is about creating conflict. Hell, I could be jumping up and down yelling and screaming that he'll call the police because she's 10 minutes late coming out for pick-up - yet the minute she starts throwing up she's put in the car and brought back to me and access is irrelevant. But, as acrimonious as things are now we both recognize that the action was in the best interest of the child at that time.

          I do have documentation from his wife requesting the soup pot back. The soup pot was used as a barf bag on the ride from his house to my house. They'll argue over the soup pot....

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          • #20
            Unless my daughter is extremely ill, my ex sends my daughter over to my place even when the kid is sick. I am a parent and part of parenting is tending for the child in good health and in bad.

            I don't agree that just because the child is sick that a parent should not get their parenting time, and that includes preferences of the kid. Just because Parent A parents differently than Parent B, it doesn't make it wrong. Further, once you go down that hill, it can create a very slippery slope that one parent can use to interfere with the other parents parenting time. Who determines when the child is too sick to go to the other parents? The ex who likely isn't your biggest fan? Yeah, lets allow the person who is the most biased against you to determine when you get to parent.....that should work out well.

            Unless the kid is really sick, the parenting time schedule should be maintained. It is part of parenting and it also allows bonding with the child as they get to see each parent as caregivers.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by HammerDad View Post
              ...

              Unless the kid is really sick, the parenting time schedule should be maintained. It is part of parenting and it also allows bonding with the child as they get to see each parent as caregivers.

              I agree. I am in the home the kids were born in. They feel like both places are home. I took care of my son during the week - I work from home. I can get ice chips and check his temperature as well as anyone. She pre-decided that she would take care of him on my weekend. She even suggested that it put her job in jeopardy - totally crazy.

              The end result was that if I had taken care of him during his entire illness, he would not have had a reaction to the strong antibiotic as I would have monitored it more before going that route, he would not have gone downtown twice for numerous and unnecessary tests totally over 14 hours (he want to school a few days later before test results were even back). Hindsight is 20/20 but it is clear to me she overreacted and that was not good for him - however she is my equal and I want to co-parent with her.

              Though we don't get alone, she could have come over anytime during the weekend, brought food, etc, hung out with him.

              She had no right to make a unilateral decision to deny my access time over a cold/fever. And in hindsight, it was not in my child's best interest, including the stress she put on him because she seems to discuss all this with him - placing him in the middle because he doesn't want to say no to either of us.

              There is no doubt in my mind that she wants to alienate him from me to some extent, and have him live with her full time, probably when his siblings go off to post secondary. That would definitely not be good for him, but she is so angry at me, she is desperate to find someone to agree with her that I'm a bad guy. No one bites cause I'm a dedicated loving dad and an good ex to her.

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